More than just a friend || Roger Taylor

44- the end of it all

28th December 1980

An- yeahhhh you're gonna hate me :)

And so rightly or wrongly, wether it was about to be the worst or best thing that ever happened to me, I found myself stood outside Roger's door shook with nerves.

I'd taken into account almost everything said to me regarding him... and I finally managed to find out over the course of a sleepless, long night what I wanted. I just had to hope and pray it wasn't too late, and that he hadn't already decided I was part of his past.

I knew he wanted to be with me though, at least that's what he told me. Which also meant I knew the risk of him actually sleeping with someone else was lower than I thought. I seemed to tell myself if we were together he'd find himself another lay each night, but I was more sure than anything that that was far from the truth. He'd barely slept with anyone in the duration of us even being friends. 

I finally raised my hand to knock the door, a breathe releasing itself as my clenched fist fell back besides me. I of course had in my mind what I wanted to say, but it was no surprise that the truth would usually come out in a completely different way.

All I did know is that I loved Roger. I always had. And unfortunately for me I always would. That's what scared me- loosing the person I loved again. Doing it the first time was hard enough, and I wasn't gonna be able to take the second. That could've been my fault for falling the way I did so easily, but I never did stop loving him. I just learnt to not let it bring me to situations like these.

"Oh... hey." Roger peeled the door back, rubbing his eyes tiredly before they flicked up and down my frame- the one wearing of course his jumper. He was unsurprisingly in just a pair of loosely fitting joggers, a small smile creeping to his lips.

"I just... I know what I want. I wanna work this out. I want you. The good version of you. The one I have now. I just-" He pulled me into his arms, slamming the door behind him as they held me tightly. We didn't kiss, he just held my frame next to his for a moment long enough to tell me I hadn't managed to blow it all away

Hugs meant more to me with Roger than they did with the average person. He wasn't someone to toss them out like they were an average gesture. To me, they meant more than the touch of his lips did. And that's why I stayed in them so contently for so long,

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, holding my head against his chest as a smile took to my lips as I nodded slowly. "You know I'm not gonna make the same mistake Lynn... two years without you was torture. I didn't ask you to come back for no reason."

"Of course I wanna be with you- but my god I don't wanna loose you."

"Adelynn I swear I'm never gonna hurt you. I swear."
He nodded, slowly inching back with me in his hold until he did decided to kiss me. It was a swift motion that caught me by surprise at first, that was until he crashed onto the sofa with me cleverly in his lap, still kissing me desperately.

It hadn't all clicked into place entirely, there was certainly words left unsaid and conversations left behind, but in that moment it felt like it was all so close to finally locking in place. A relationship that had taken literal years to become what it was. I remember thinking to myself I could never, ever become to Roger what I was again- but that was before I found myself wishing I was more than just a friend.

"I wanna be with you." I whispered, pulling back to watch his smile beam. "I lov-"

I glanced to my left slightly, eyes shifting from his onto what I really hoped wasn't what I thought. I wriggled out of his hold, off of his lap, my eyes not leaving the red lace until Roger realised what I'd seen.