More than just a friend || Roger Taylor

33- of course i waited

21st October 1980

Tw- mentions of abuse, injury, drug use, verbal abuse, domestic arguments... I think that's it- but if you need to talk I'm here !!

"Hey... you er, you alright ?" Nathan smiled as he opened the door, scanning me as quickly as he could as I nodded. He didn't say anything else, simply pushing back the door to his flat let me walk though before I closed it behind me.

"Yeah yeah... a little tired." I chuckled as the two of us took a seat on his couch. He nodded, a very subtly small smile taking to his lips as he poured us both a glass wine. "You ok ?"

"Yep." He took a large sip of his drink, turning to face me to let our eyes meet as he swallows the red liquid. "I was erm wondering, if you wanted to go to the cinema and see that movie you were on about next week ?"

I swallowed nervously as I processed what he said. I never bought up Roger, my past with him or the way he seemed to tangle himself in my present, and I had no intention of ever telling him now. Nathan only saw the outside of me, the face covered my makeup and body wearing in his eyes too much fat and too little clothes, and I never let him see the inside. I let his imagination paint who he wanted me to be, the model he could tell everyone he secretly dated, and I didn't try and erase the mistakes his perspective had.

"I erm... I saw it the other night. With an old friend. It wasn't the best thing in the world. Quite a shit movie actually." I chuckled nervously as his eyebrows furrowed, almost an annoyance tangled with the confusion in his face.

"Oh right." He huffed, finishing his drink knowing id not even started mine. "We've been dating a while now Adelynn... what are we doing ? I mean, no one knows about us. Your famous and I'm a nobody. And I feel like I don't know you."

"What erm, what are you saying ?" I laughed a little, nervousness seeming to crash over me like a wave rolling upon the shore.

"Well I'm starting to think that I-" he paused and cleared his throat, sitting up straight, locking his seemingly lifeless green eyes with mine. I felt like I knew what he was gonna say, in fact I knew exactly what words he was going to let slip, so I needed to come up with the quickest way possible to push it as far away as I could.

"I gotta go to the bathroom quickly." I jumped up and rushed to the bathroom before he could even process the words to form a response, hearing his glass become full again as I shut the toilet door behind me.

I leaned in front of the mirror, hands on the edge of the bathroom sink as I released a much needed deep sigh, looking down to the tiled floor as if they had an answer I needed.

For the first time in maybe too long, a guy I was in a relationship somewhat contently with, loved me. Maybe truly, as if it would never die. Or maybe falsely, as if the lie would keep me as his. I liked Nathan, I liked being with him. But I didn't like how I couldn't see myself being so torn and hurt when I decided to leave him as I was with Roger. I knew why Roger was on my mind when a completely differently man was gonna tell me he loved me, but I wouldn't dare admit to why. I had to focus on what I was about to do in that moment.

I took my hands off the edge of the sink, falling back onto the edge of the bath, taking a deep breathe as my eyes scanned the room. They focused on the edge of the sink, the toothbrush sat in the holder, besides a rolled up note. And then the bag, smaller than the palm of my hand, full of white powder.

I grabbed it, heart quickening as I looked at the bag of the same substance that tore about my childhood, the one he was too oblivious too. I chuckled at how stupid I'd been. How blind I'd been to how quickly someone so nervous had become so calm and so unlike himself.