More than just a friend || Roger Taylor

47- im no good at goodbyes

19th February 1981

"Is that all of them ? Every paper ?" I asked almost scared, glancing across at the stack between Julian and Leo as the pair of them nodded.

The week Roger had been in Japan was one manic. And I wasn't lying when I said it was batshit crazy. After me and him said a goodbye which didn't quite fill in every gap that our sudden reunion had opened, the biggest obstacle to over come was the press.

And I had picked up every paper that had mine and his name in or on it. Every single one from the span of him being away, which luckily ended within the hour, had been stacked up on top of my coffee table for the two of us to go through together. I hadn't dared to look about what had been written, and I don't think being in Japan have Roger much of chance to see what the press had described him as, which left conveniently the element of surprise to both of us. 

The second thing I had to get past was Mel. Mel was completely and utterly shocked, which is why I decided to take it upon myself to tell her every single detail between me and Roger- which bought I think more realisation to myself than it did to her.

Sure she realised that I'd been lying to her for the past three years and that me and Roger were damn good secret keepers, but I realised a lot more. How I managed to describe a man I once claimed to have no love for was incredible. The way I chocked up at specific memories and laughed at ones that I didn't even realise held such a permanence in my heart was incredible. 

Mine and his relationship was just as complicated and confusing at the two people it was owned by. That's what made it so specific and true to us. How really there wasn't another rockstar and model that had the same spark between us that managed to finally pull our paths into a forever forged one.

But the week had been one I was relieved to be leaving behind me. It had been slow, and not so easy to do on my own, but it had been relieving. Somehow there was an inch of weight lifted from my shoulders as the knowledge me and Roger weren't a secret, but i didn't have any guarantee the blessing the freedom of it all bought would let it's authenticity last long.

"Yep. Every paper." Leo sighed, glancing at the clock behind him before pulling his frame up from the sofa. "You ready to see him ?"

"Yeah... yeah i think so. I mean... it's all awfully quick isn't it. I mean two weeks ago I would break down at any thought of him- and now it's all just-" I paused and looked down at Julian, a burning worry seeming to sizzle in his eyes as I shrugged my shoulders loosely. "Well it's all just so sudden. There's still shit we've gotta talk about... but I don't think Roger's ever been good at getting his timing right."

"No he hasn't." Julian huffed, shaking his head gently with a subtle laugher. "But he's gonna be here in a second and you don't want us two spoiling the cute little moment. So enjoy it... and tell me all about it tomorrow yeah ?"

"Yeah." I pulled Julian into a hug that caught him more than off guard, his cheeks shining red as I squeezed his frame tightly. "Thank you."

"Get off ya soppy git." He laughed, taking Leo's hand in his as he slipped from my hold. "Well... respectfully I hope he fucks your out. I'll see you later doll."

"Jules ! My god." I scoffed as the two quickly escaped the house, both waving and snickering before they closed the door behind them, leaving me and my thoughts alone for a brief few minutes.

Thoughts was a vague term that more or less contained, in my case, only the past and the future. I never seemed to stop and think about the present. I would savour memories from the past and dawn on the potential of the future, but I wouldn't ever find the time to think about the now.