More than just a friend || Roger Taylor

46- I love you lynn

11th February 1981

"Shit... I've gotta go. But be there- one o'clock her meeting is." Julian slammed the phone down as soon as I stepped through the doors frame, a nervously blank expression seeming to be worn as he registered who'd twisted their key in the lock.

"Why are you slamming the phone down in such a hurry ?" I scoffed, padding straight through to the kitchen to find something quick to eat before my meeting with Mel at one. "Keeping secrets from me now Jules ?"

"Of course I'm not Miss Petrov." He shrugged guilty, a small and mischievous tug at his lips as I stole a cupcake I assumed Summer had made. "Look I didn't mind you eating all our food when you were staying here but it's been a couple weeks... cut it out !"

"I stayed here for three nights Jules- and ate I think a total of one chow mien and two Kit Kat's." I laughed in response, tossing my wrapper in the bin as Julian glanced subtly at his watch.

"Haven't you got a meeting to be going to ?" He asked almost sneakily, his grin unable to be wiped as I nodded. I wasn't sure why he was acting as suspicious and bizarre as he was, not until much later, and at the time I lead me to question him more than I usually would.

"Maybe I do. I've got twenty minutes to spare I thought I'd stop by." I dropped down onto the sofa, flicking on the tv as Julian nodded and took a seat besides me. "Where's Summer and Leo ?"

"Out shopping. I had to erm..." his expression flushed red, his eyes widening as his mind spun as fast as it could to figure out an excuse. "Had to do some things. Gay things."

"Excuse me mister." I laughed loudly, my head shaking from each side as Julian dipped his head down. "But you cannot pull the gay card here. No way. What were you doing ?"

"Nothing nothing. How've you been anyway ?"

I didn't have the answer I knew he wanted. Not at all. I couldn't tell him that even though some of the longest, hardest most dreadful weeks had passed that I was feeling tons better. I couldn't even tell him the days passed quicker. Or that I'd finally fallen out of love with someone I wish I could've had the chance to spend my life with.

I've been with people in my life time. Certainly had my share of experience. But no one ever made me feel like Roger did. I'd stopped caring about the fact he most defiantly treated every other women the same, and appreciated how he did treat me individually. I may have been nothing to him, but I never minded being the friend his arms fell around.

I wanted Roger back. But I wanted a Roger that would undeniably never leave me hurt the way he had. It was the pure definition of addiction. It felt so good when you were on that high, the one you never wanted to end, but you knew once you'd sobered up it was bad for you. And I had to make the decision between what was bad and what was good.

"Yeah I've been fine. Getting by atleast."

"I think he loves you." Julian suddenly blurted out, his hands sat wrapped with in one another in a ball under his chin as he watched the colour drain from my face. Shock had never had so much power over me as to take the rose from my cheeks and pull at my lips unless it involved Roger. "I really do doll... and I hate seeing you like this."

"He can't. I really don't think he's able to." I shrugged, my mind deciding to push away every crumb of what Julian had tossed over me until I was satisfied with the heaviness of the weight tugging me down. The phrase still plays on my mind now, and I wish still that I said something better in reply, but I was lost within a depth too deep to suddenly free myself from.

"Go to your meeting... and then come back here and tell me, Summer, Leo and Connie all about it. Over a Chinese." Julian grinned again, glancing at the clock on the wall before he looked back at me with the same suspicious glint his eyes were smitten with when I'd first walked through the door.