Secret Love Song - Ben Chilwell

Thirty Seven.

November 12th 2020

It had been a couple of days since Mason had proposed to Mia, and the group of friends had celebrated like it was never going to end, but the holiday was soon drawing to a close, the friends all knowing that they would be heading back to normal life, with only the memories of Mykonos to remind them of the beauty of it.

But hidden in the town, away from the buzzing excitement of the engagement, Ashley lay on a sun lounger, in a rented apartment, whilst Jordan was away organising something to do with work in a care with wifi, finally leaving Ashley alone for five minutes to deal with her thoughts and emotions, finally giving her time to breathe.

As Ashley's phone rang for what felt like the hundredth time that morning, she finally picked it up, being met with one of her best friends voices down the other end. "I thought you was dead" Mia mumbled, as Ashley sat up on the lounger. "It's just been busy" Ashley lied, knowing too well her friend would know the truth either way, it just felt better to lie about it in the moment.

"So, are we going to see you again?" Mia mumbled, as Ashley pulled the shades over her eyes. "Where are you guys?" Ashley whispered, finally finding her voice to speak. "We're at the Villa, were expecting you soon" Mia stated, and Ashley could hear the smile in her voice, as she agreed, and picked up her belongings, looking at her already packed suitcase, wondering if she should just take it with her, leaving a note that she was finally done with the relationship.

But she was torn, she knew she couldn't do that, she knew there much more riding on her marriage to Jordan than a simple 'I do', and for the first time since agreeing to marry him, she finally felt as if she could tell the secret she was dying to tell the world, wanting to put herself first, for the first time in forever.

~~~~

"You shall it morning wood, I call it breakfast in bed" Mia giggled, as she took another sip of the wine that was clearly going straight to her head, as Mason spat his beer out, Jack laughing at how red his face went. "Breakfast in bed aye?" Jack smirked, as he wiggled his eyebrows at Amber. "Erm, I'm going to get some more wine" Amber chuckled, as she left the table, all of them laughing at how the conversation turned so quickly.

"Do you think she's ignoring us for a reason?" Mason mumbled, as Ben nodded his head. "Jordans here ain't it, he ain't gonna let her anywhere near us" Ben muttered, as he took a sip from the alcohol they had been drinking majority of the morning, knowing their holiday was drawing to an end and wanting to savour every moment they could.

"I'm alive you know" Ashley mumbled, as she walked into the Villa, placing her phone on the table as she took one of the half open bottles of wine and began to drink from the bottle.

"Ahh, there she is" Mason smiled, as he jumped up and engulfed his best friend in a hug, but all Ashley could look at was Bens eyes, following her movements as if she was a ghost.

"So, how's your holiday been?" Ashley smiled, as she sat down on an empty seat, opposite Ben, as she looked around at the table. "It would of been a whole lot better if you was actually here with us" Amber mumbled, as Ashley looked at her.
Amber was never one to be negative about everything, she held them all together like glue, and scolded them when they needed it, but always kept everyone's feeling at the centre of anything she said, she was always right, but went about it in the right way, so hearing her say those words was a shock to Ashleys system.

"I know, I'm sorry I haven't been around much" Ashley whispered, as Ben looked at her, tilting his head to the kitchen, indicated he wanted her to go in that direction, and before she knew it, her feet were moving.

"I'm going to go and grab a towel" Ben mumbled, as he got up from the table, grabbing two glasses and the half opened wine, before he followed Ashley.

"Why's he lying for?" Jack smirked, as Mia nodded her head smiling. "They'd be so cute" Mia whispered, as the table all agreed, in either silent nods or murmurs of words.

"So, you gonna tell me what's going on?" Ben whispered, as he looked over Ashley, taking in her appearance. How her hair was straight, just the way Jordan liked it, with a little heavy eye make up, but an almost natural looking face, her brown eyes which usually held so much hope, only showed a pigment of happiness, it was like looking at an emotionless doll.

"There's nothing to say Benji" Ashley whispered, as Ben shook his head, holding a hand to her face, tilting her chin to look at him. "We both know you can't lie to me Ashy" Ben whispered, as Ashley sighed to herself, but moved her hand to rest on top of his as he held her cheek, brushing his thumb over her cheek.

"I can't do this" Ashley whispered. "I'm not asking you to do anything" Ben whispered back, as Ashley held the eye contact, biting her bottom lip in between her teeth, as Ben used his thumb to pull her lip from her grasp.

"You're so beautiful Ash" Ben whispered, as he used the hand holding her face to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. "So beautiful" Ben murmured, as Ashley looked at him, the spark on her eyes slowly coming back.

"You know you can leave him, they'll be no judgement" Ben whispered, as Ashley shook her head, her hair falling over her face, as Ben used his hand to move it again, re holding her cheek between his fingers.
"I can't do that" Ashley whispered, as Ben took his own lip in between his teeth, his eyes scanning her face for any form of a lie, any form of the truth, but for once he couldn't read her.

"I like you Ash" Ben whispered. "I like getting to now you, and I'm kinda scared that I'm not going to get to know you" Ben whispered, as Ashley nodded her head. "I'll be a married woman before you know it" Ashley whispered, as Ben shook his head.

"What do you even see in him?" Ben muttered, as he ran a hand through his hair. "Because unless he can turn you on by dancing, there ain't much there to love" Ben whispered. "Do you even love him?" Ben questioned, as Ashley shot her head back to look at him.

That was the million dollar question.

Did she love him?

And for once Ashley didn't know how to answer it, she couldn't answer it, not without giving away the real reason she was marrying him.
It wasn't that she wanted to, she was never given the option.
That's the thing about being famous.
There's sometimes things that can happen that aren't in your control.
Sometimes you have to take the risk, sometimes you have to take the fall to fly.

But for once, instead of answering a question she knew she couldn't answer, she acted on her heart, she acted with everything she knew she wanted in that moment.

Ashley wrapped her arms around Bens neck, and threw herself into his embrace, his arms sneaking around her waist, holding her close, as he looked down at her.
"What's that for?" Ben whispered with a smile, as Ashley looked up at him, holding one hand to his face, just like he had done to her, before she brought his face tone down to hers, placing her lips on his.