The Will to Live - Xiao x Reader

I Love You - Xiao

"Thanks," I smiled as I took the tofu from Y/N. "You know me too well."

"Well, it's not like you eat anything else." Y/N accused, "You're cute when you smile."

Heat rushed to my face, "You're the only one who thinks that."

"Or the only one you've smiled for." 

Y/N really was the only being I'd smiled for. They were the only person who made me feel safe but also... Happy and yet I couldn't help but tell myself: I don't deserve them. 

They stuck out their tongue in a teasing way. Y/N is very different to the god's I've met.

"You're very playful," I stated. "For a God." Sh*t, did that sound rude?

"I'm going to take that as a compliment so, thanks?"

I sigh, Thank Morax they didn't take that offensively. I sat down next to them and started to eat the tofu. The inn's chef usually made the dish for me but for some reason, whenever Y/N made it themselves... It tasted better. Now that I think of it... I've never seen Y/N eat.

"We should probably get back." Y/N stood up and offered me their hand, "You really don't have to look after me if..."

"I want to." I blurt out. Sh*t. What on Teyvat was I thinking?!

"Oh, uhm..." Y/N blushed, "Well, okay then."

"Random question but," I started. "What's your favourite food?"

"Oh, I uhm." Y/N stuttered, "I don't eat very often but, I do quite like (favourite food). I mostly just cook for others."

"Y/N..." I hesitate, "I uh... We should get back." I couldn't say it.

***

Y/N had agreed to stay with me for another week and although I knew I shouldn't be around them, I'd grown too attached to push them away. The thought of Y/N leaving was too much, even though it would happen eventually. I won't run away this time, I told myself. I wanted to cherish the time I spent with them, I just hope my karma doesn't affect them. 

We stood on the balcony and watched the sunset. I used to prefer to be alone but, now... Y/N's company was all I wanted.

"Xiao," Y/N spoke softly. "Do you still plan to protect the people of Liyue?"

"I do." I answered, "After all, I have to honour my contract with..."

"Morax, or as you call him, Rex Lapis is no more." Y/N interrupted, "He gave his Gnosis to the Fatui. So now I have to either find a new god of Anemo and Geo or destroy the Gnoses."

A new Geo God? "Wait... Destroy the Gnoses? That's not possible." I protested.

Y/N sighed and looked up at the stars, "Whether you continue to serve Morax is your choice." They stated, "But you have the choice to be free." Y/N pointed at my vision.

"...You have the choice to be free." To be free...  Just then I felt some of the weight of my karma disappear. 

"What did you..." No. I can't just assume it was Y/N.

"Huh?" Y/N looked at me, "What did I what?"

"Nevermind."

 Y/N sighed, "I won't force you to do anything but... I worry when you just stop talking."

"It's... My karma," I hesitate, I want to trust them. "I felt it disappear and..."

"Then you were right to blame me."  Y/N cut in, "My presence has that effect."

Their presence? I don't understand this. It's...

"It's too much," I blurt out. 

 Y/N looked at me and walked closer. I felt my heart race it was like I was going into a fight but...  Y/N would never hurt me... Would they? Y/N was very intimidating when they didn't smile or speak and I felt myself stumbling back slightly.

"I..." I stumble over my words, "Y/N... Stop... Please." I raised my hands to my face, I'd never felt so defenceless.

They jump behind me and I hear a clashing of metal as I turn to face them. A treasure hoarder? I stare at the blades, Y/N... Protected me? And I was scared of them... The hoarder jumped back and ran away, Y/N raised their sword and it morphed into a bow. They aimed towards me and summoned a purple flame.

"Duck," Y/N commanded.

They let go of the arrow and I just barely ducked in time. The arrow flew over my head and set another treasure hoarder on fire. 

"What's going on?" I ask.

"They want your mask," Y/N leaned on the wall. "But they're gone now, don't worry."

My mask? Why? 

"Xiao?" Y/N hadn't left the wall they leaned on, "You alright?"

I nod, Why are they leaning on the wall? Y/N took a sip of their medicine then placed it back in a pocket on their right leg. Are they're hurt?

"Y/N!" My voice cracked, "Are you alright?" I rushed over to them... Y/N was my one weakness.

"I'll be okay," They smiled. "Calm down. I'm sorry that I scared you."

Y/N took their weight off the wall but when they went to walk their balance tilted to the right.

"Y/N," I grabbed their hand gently. "Let me carry you."

They turned red and looked away, "I... uh." Y/N stuttered, "I can walk."

"But," I protested. "You're hurt and... I'm supposed to be your caretaker this time. Please, just let me help you."

They sighed, "Alright."

I picked Y/N up, just like they did when I couldn't walk earlier but they wrapped their arms around my neck and hid their face in my chest. Their contact startled me and I resisted the urge to drop them and run. Y/n was very light but... They were also very warm. I carefully carried them into the room we shared and placed them on the bed. I've never had to show affection to someone but... Y/N makes me wish I knew how. 

"I don't need to sleep," Y/N spoke quietly, they looked like they were still a little flustered. "And... I'd rather not."

Was this my fault? Did they feel unsafe with me? I wonder, was it because of that time...

"I'm sorry about the time I..." I hesitated, I liked it when I kissed them. "When I... Kissed you while you were asleep. I should never have done that without asking."

"Xiao," Y/N spoke slightly louder. "I forgive you but, that's not the issue. I..." They stop.

"Then what is it..?" I persist.

Y/N shook their head and fiddled with their hair. They obviously didn't want to talk about it but... "I won't force you to do anything." I can't force them. I won't, I tell myself.

"Y/N," I hesitate, "Don't force yourself." But, I need to. "I... I love you."

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A/N: I might start naming chapters just numbers because it is legit killing me. Sorry for posting late I've been struggling to find motivation but I'm trying my best.

Take care!