Until US

Chapter 38

Araya was still rubbing soft circles on Team's back, trying to comfort him. Even though she did not know what was wrong with him. "How are you feeling?" Araya asked after some time. "I..I am so sorry" Team apologized guiltily. "There is no reason to apologize. And you don't have to tell me what happened if you don't want to. I understand" Araya softly said. "It's just.." "It's about Win, isn't it? You thought about him, didn't you?" Araya suddenly asked. Team shrugged when he heard her saying his name. Does she know? Does Araya know..about his feelings for the elder? "It must be really hard for you. Your friends told me. They are really worried about you. You and Win must be really close." You don't even know, Team thought. "I wish I could help you. I wish I could tell you, that everything is going to be fine. That he is waking up and..but I can't." Araya was looking at time with such a sad impression on her face. He could see the pity in her eyes. Suddenly he felt a hand on his cheek and a thumb softly stroking it. "But.. if you need someone to talk to, I am here. I will always listen to you. Even in the middle of the night. And if you have nightmares again, don't hesitate to wake me up. I don't want to go to sleep with the thought of you having nightmares without telling me."

Team knew that Araya was only trying to help him. She wanted to assure him that no matter what he could always come if he needs someone to talk to. But by saying these words, she was only making things worse for Team because now he felt even more guilty than before. How could someone be as nice and caring as Araya? Team does not deserve her..and she certainly does not deserve someone like him. Someone who is lying to her about his true feelings. Someone who is secretly in love with someone else, but too much of a coward to admit it. He knew that he was hurting Araya, by not being completely honest with her, but..what should he tell her? That he likes her..he really likes her a lot, but..more like a sister, a best friend, than a lover? That he loves someone else? That he loves a man, who is currently in a coma, in a foreign country? That he loves that man so much, that he couldn't stop dreaming about him? That he wakes up crying in the middle of the night because he doesn't know if the person he loves more than anything else in the world will ever wake up again? That he feels guilty for not telling him his feelings sooner because he doesn't know if he will ever be able to tell him what he really feels for him? That the thought of losing him makes him go insane? No, there was no way he could tell her.

"How is he?" Win's mom asked her youngest son on the telephone. "He hasn't woken up yet" View said with a trembling voice. "Mom? What if.." View couldn't end the sentence. Tears were running down his cheeks. "Don't think about that. Win is strong. I am sure he will wake up. He has always been strong. He is gonna make it" his mother tried to assure him. "I don't know. This is different. He has never been..I am scared, mom. I don't know what to do to help him" View was crying into the phone. "You should have tried to talk him out of it. You should have told him..to stay. Why did you let him leave to a foreign country?!" View was blaming his mother on the phone. "View, what was I supposed to do? Win wanted to go. He even begged me to let him finish his studies in New York. He has always been one of the best students and he is an adult after all. Your father and I thought..that if it is what he wants to do.." "Do you even know why he wanted to study abroad rather than in Thailand?!" View was almost screaming into the phone. "View?..I.." "Someone hurt him. A person, who was so important to him hurt him that much, that he wanted to leave the country! This person hurt him so much, that he let himself got drunk and..this person..does not give a shit about him now! He does not love him?! Fine! But he should at least have the courage to tell him! Instead, he had to find out through others that the person he loves so much..was lying to him..the whole time! Hia is just too nice. He has always been too nice. So many people have used him before, but this time..this time he could die. Just because the person he loves the most..I HATE HIM. I HATE THE PERSON WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT!" View's mom was shocked. She has never seen her son like that. View has always been a nice person, like his hia. But Win was his everything. He has been looking up to his big brother since he was little. Of course, he was emotional. He was scared to lose him. View and Win had always had a special connection. Wan was way older than him and so much different, but he and Win had always connected well. "View, honey. I know how you feel. But please..no one was responsible for Win's accident but him. He was the one who decided to drink. No matter what the reasons were. You can't blame a person, you don't know and wasn't even there when it happened. And..don't you think Win would be.." "Dont tell me what Win would be! Win is not..he might.. I am sorry, mom. I know you want me to stop being angry at this person, but I can't. Not as long as my Hia is still.."

When Team woke up it was already 11 am. He looked around and realized that Araya was gone. Team sat up and ran a hand through his hair. "How are you feeling?" he heard Araya's voice. She was standing in the doorframe, smiling at him. "My head hurts" Team said. "Why didn't you wake me?" he asked. "I thought..you needed the sleep" Araya said while sitting on the bed, next to Team. She took his hand and kissed his knuckles. "Look, I know this is hard for you. And..I do understand..that you don't want to marry me right now, because of.." "NO! This..this is not.." Araya put her hand on Team's lips. "Believe me. I understand. You have so many more important things to think about right now. Just know that I completely understand. I have been waiting for you since we were children, I think I can wait a little longer. But, right now, you have to take care of yourself and yourself only." A few tears were running down Team's face. "I am so scared, Araya. I am so scared that Win could..that he could..die." Team started crying hard and Araya held him. She held him while rubbing his back. "I know Team. I know" she whispered into his ear while the boy kept crying until he couldn't cry anymore.