Tu muskuraye har jagah

29

[Annika - A, Shivaay - S]

S: No one knew this yet. When Om and I returned from the trip later that day, I asked about mom, not seeing her anywhere. Everybody was quiet that day, it felt eerie. I begged badi maa to tell me where she was. When she told me everything, I couldn't believe it. My mom, who was always at his beck and call, could never cheat on him. They found it hard to believe as well but no one did anything. I called all her friends, she hadn't spoken to them in weeks. When I couldn't find her anywhere, I came here to look. I found her on the floor, cold. Dead. I found my dead mother lying here in the next room. I tried to wake her up, she had no pulse, panicking, I called our family doctor. It was too late. She was gone, she had ingested an entire bottle of sleeping pills. Doctor uncle called daadu. I wouldn't leave mom's hand, daddu had to drag me away forcefully.

Annika's grip on his hand tightened. She knew he had a painful past but she hadn't expected this. It was unfair. No one deserved this. It must have been so traumatic for a teenager to be the one to discover that his mother was dead.

Shivaay had tears rolling down his cheeks, sobs building up in his chest but he continued.

S: Two days after her last rites, someone delivered reports from the hospital. Mom was having trouble sleeping, and when she did manage to sleep, she woke up with extreme body pain. She was going through tests for this, sleep analysis tests. THAT was where she was going night after night. She was consulting with different doctors and psychiatrists. All her anxiety because of the fights and discord at home made her condition worse. Sleep deprivation slows down brain functioning, it can cause any person to behave erratically. And when you have anxiety and stress on top of it, even the smallest things can trigger a mental breakdown. Mom couldn't think straight and he broke her heart into a million pieces. Her pain drove her to take such a drastic step.

Annika wiped her tears. Shivaay was crumbling down. She moved closer to him and wiped his tears.

S: My mother was innocent. His paranoia, his jealousy, his lack of trust cost me, my mother. Love and marriage gave my mother so much pain, heartache, and suffering. He Never respected her, Never loved her even a quarter as much as she did. She chose him over me, her own flesh and blood over and over again and this thankless man never saw that. She lived for him and she died for him.

Shivaay could not control his pain and anger anymore, a sob broke out of his chest. Annika held on to him as he broke down. She patted his back gently to soothe him. It took him a while to recompose himself and when he did, he continued.

S: After that, I didn't care about anything anymore. I was filled with rage and hatred for him. I broke up with Mallika and focused only on my studies, went to Oxford, and completed my education. Those years apart from home, gave me some clarity. I only came back when daadu passed away. Everyone was angry at him initially for being so clueless about his wife's health, for not trusting her but over the years, after losing daadu, they forgave him. The loss of their father brought the brothers closer. But I can't ever forgive him for taking my mother from me.

If I had not gone on that trip, I could have stopped her from taking her own life, or I could have stopped him from throwing her out. I could have done something.

A: No shivaay, it's not your fault. That's the thing about the past, you can only remember it, you can't change it. It's not necessary that things would have played out differently if you were there.