Wants

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I had no idea they were going to have the kissing booth set up at the prom when I snuck in through a side door. But seeing it gives me an idea of how I could go about showing Elle what she means to me, what that moment meant to me. If I can just remind her of our first kiss, and more importantly, our second kiss, maybe she'll realize that we have something real, something important. Too important to throw away over Lee's hurt feelings or her dad's disapproval.

Hiding in the wings behind the booth, I watch Lee call Rachel up onto the stage to kiss her. I can see Elle standing there on her own, slightly in front of the crowd, a smile on her face.

When I walk out from behind the curtain, her expression shifts.

"Elle. I think you're next up."

She glances towards Lee, but right now I couldn't care less what his reaction is. She looks back at me.

"I'm sorry, Noah. I can't." She turns away and my heart aches. I can't lose her.

"No, Elle, wait, please!" I step down off the stage and go after her. "Elle."

When she turns back towards me, there's anger flashing in her eyes. "Why? Why should I?"

There's only one reason. Only one honest answer to her question.

"Because I love you. Standing here, in front of everyone, I'm telling you, that I love you."

Tears spring into her eyes. She looks so conflicted.

"I'm sorry. I just... I can't keep hurting people that I care about because of you. Okay? Nobody wants us to be together."

Elle's right, but in this moment none of them matter. Only she matters, and so far nothing she's said tells me how she feels.

"Well, that may be true. But what do you want?"

"I want..." Elle pauses, tears threatening. "I w-" she whispers, looking up at me, not able to finish the thought. There's another pause and then she seems to find her resolve.

"I want to go."

My heart sinks. It actually feels like it isn't physically where it should be in my chest, like it has deflated and fallen to the pit of my stomach.

"Elle," I call after her, but she's already fleeing through the crowd.

Rachel runs after her and when I turn to look at Lee, I know that's it. He stares through me like I'm less than nothing, walking past me to follow Elle and Rachel. I watch him go, watch the crowd start to disperse.

It's over.

Elle doesn't want me and there's nothing I can do about it. I leave the same way I entered, pulling off my bow tie and jacket when I reach the car, undoing the collar that feels like it's choking me. I sit there for awhile, not trusting myself to drive. I feel empty, hollow. The only thing I'm sure of is that I can't stay here for the summer, not now. I need a clean break, for my own sanity.

Fortunately, I have an opportunity to do just that. I start the engine and put the car in gear, making myself focus solely on the task of driving to avoid other thoughts creeping in. I already know there'll be a couple of new Elle expressions added to the slideshow I'll see when I close my eyes eventually, but I have no desire to replay them in my mind right now.

Mom intercepts me when I walk through the door.

"How did it go?"

"Badly," I say quietly. "You were wrong. Knowing is much worse."

"Oh, honey," Mom starts, closing the gap between us.

I hold up a hand to stop her. "I don't need pity, Mom. I need your help." Looking past her to where my dad's sitting on the sofa, I continue. "I need both your help."

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