URBAN 2

FIFTY ONE

Ashanti

I sat at the edge of the bathtub with a warm cloth on my pelvic area cos I couldn't find a hot water bottle.

I swear there's something wrong with my body. I shouldn't be experiencing this kind of pain. It's like contractions.

I would have taken ibuprofen but Keem's out there and I don't want him to see I've been crying or that I'm in pain cos of the pill. I don't want more wahala.

I took deep breaths, slowly massaging my lower stomach like, my hospital appointment midwife, Saskia (the one who help me deliver the twins), had advised me to do.

I've gone to the hospital a couple times in the past, crying and unable to move cos my period cramps were so bad and I'd just get sent home with a box of co-codamol and a bottle of water. The doctors don't think it's endometriosis or PCOS, they think I'm just unlucky with having bad periods it I know it's more than that.

And it doesn't make it better that I'm anaemic as well. So sometimes, when my periods get really heavy, I pass out easily.

I made a mistake taking the pill. I most likely wasn't gonna get pregnant again, I haven't had my period since I gave birth cos I've been breastfeeding. I haven't been ovulating.

My period might not even come but I feel like it's starting back up again now cos I haven't had period cramps like this since before I got pregnant.

I cried out loud cos the pain was getting unbearable. Usually, in a time like this when I'm going through horrid cramps, I'd tell Eli and she'd comfort me and rock me to sleep but obviously she can't do that now.

I started thinking about Eli and all the good times we had together. She wasn't all bad, sometimes she could be a good friend. I remember in year 10 when she made this cheesy but cute scrapbook and stuck in pictures of us together and wrote down our best moments together and all her favourite things about me. She literally made it because I was going through shit with my mum and Eli wanted to make me feel loved.

I got upset as I thought about Eli. I deeped I haven't even grieved our friendship yet. All this time I've been sad cos Keem betrayed me but now I'm realising how much Eli meant to me too. I love her, man. That was my best friend. And now she's becoming a crackhead.

I can't leave her like that. I'm not saying I want us to be close again, but I don't ever wanna get a phone call that Eli's been found dead or overdosed because of this whole situation. Even with the situation between her and Ty, she needs help.

I'm gonna get her to rehab. Before it's too late.

"Fuck," I said to myself, pressing my stomach, hissing at the pain again. "What the actual fuck?" I said loudly, talking to myself.

Girls go through itttt, man.

I heard knocks on the door. "Ti," I heard Keem's voice.

From his voice alone, I felt disgusted at myself again. I sniffed and looked up to the ceiling to stop tears from forming.

"Ti, open the door," he knocked again.

I tried to get up. "I can't," I breathed.

"Ti, unlock it, I'm sorry," he said in an apologetic voice.

I stayed silent.

Keem was silent too.

I shut my eyes. Maybe this is how I die. Death by cramps. That's actually hilariously sad.

I heard a loud bang and opened my eyes to see Keem had broken through the bathroom door. He saw me sat at the rim of the bathtub and his face softened.