The Squib and the Werewolf

19. Scars Run Deep

To keep their relationship a secret, Sirius and Raya realised that night time was the only time they could be together, without being interupted.
The Marauders usually only hung out at night on the weekends and during full moons, to make sure that they weren't too tired during school days.
This meant that there were several nights a week where Raya and Sirius could sneak off together, once the others were asleep.
They would take James's invisibility cloak, so that no one would catch them patrolling the corridors at night.
Ane they didn't care about being tired the next day, if it meant that they could spend some quality time together.

"It's so beautiful up here" commented Raya, when her and Sirius reached the top of the Astronomy Tower one night.
"Not as beautiful as you" admitted Sirius with a grin.
Raya rolled her eyes, "That was cheesy, even for you".
The pair sat down opposite each other, and looked out across the Hogwarts grounds.
"It's true though" insisted Sirius.
"Sirius, we both know I'm not beautiful. My hair is a boring colour, and my face isn't half as pretty as the girls in my year or yours. I don't wear cool clothes or make-up, and I'm covered in scars" sighed Raya.
"None of that matters to me. I like you, for who you are on the inside. Besides, to me, you are beautiful" replied Sirius.

"Thanks. But you haven't seen all my scars. You've only seen the ones that are visible when I wear tops that are too low" reminded Raya.
"I don't care if you have scars. They don't make you any less perfect... Besides, you haven't seen my scars either" admitted Sirius.
Raya frowned, "I didn't think you had scars".
"Mine were caused by a different sort of monster to yours. And they were made throughout my entire childhood. My mother is big on rules, and if you disobeyed her, then you faced the consequences. Her punishments aren't so bad, now that I have a wand, and can defend myself if she goes too far. But when I was a child, the punishments were excruciating" revealed Sirius.

"I can't believe your own mother would hurt you. No parent should harm their child. I can't even imagine my father ever hurting me or Remus" admitted Raya.
"That's because your father is a good man. Unfortunately, mine is not. He's a weak man, compared to my uncle Cygnus, which is why my mother is the boss in our house, despite being a woman" replied Sirius.
"He just lets your mother hit you?" Questioned Raya.
"She doesn't just hit me with belts and canes, she uses magic on me too. The Cruciatus Curse is a favourite of hers, which she uses on me when I've been really naughty. Sometimes my father will assist my mother with her punishments, but most of the time he will just sit and watch. Occasionally he will even leave the room, if he doesn't want to watch me scream in pain anymore".

"But the Cruciatus Curse is illegal. It's an Unforgivable Curse" reminded Raya.
Sirius shrugged, "The law has never stopped my mother before. She thinks that because we belong to the noble house of Black, we can do whatever we like. To her, Pure-bloods are above the law".
"She sounds quite deranged" commented Raya.
"Well, she did marry her cousin"
"That's true... Does she punish Regulus as well, or just you?"
"He sees me suffer and toes the line, so that he doesn't get punished like me. This means that mother doesn't have to hurt him very often. And I used to try and take the fall for him when we were kids, so that he didn't get hurt. Because he's my little brother and I wanted to protect him".

"How many scars do you have?" Raya asked curiously.
"Would you like me to show you?" Offered Sirius.
"Only if you want to" replied Raya.
Sirius stood up and began to unbutton his shirt.
"There's a reason I try not to take my shirt off in public, and when I have to, I always make sure my back is to the wall, so that people can only see my front. The other Marauders have seen my scars, because we share a dormitory, but they are the only people outside of my family who've seen what I'm about to show you" informed Sirius, before throwing his shirt onto the floor.
He then turned around so that Raya could see his back.

Raya gasped and jumped to her feet when she saw the large red gashes on Sirius's back.
But what worried her the most was the small writing on the back of his right shoulder, which looked like it had been carved with a knife.
"What does this mean?" Whispered Raya, as she traced the letters on his back with her finger.
"Toujours Pur. It's the family motto. It means always pure. It's a reference to our blood status, and it's on all the family heirlooms, to remind us who we are" answered Sirius.
"Why does it look like it's been tattooed onto your body?" Quizzed Raya.

"Because in a way, it has. My mother has this evil quill she used to make me write with. It uses your blood, instead of ink. So, as you begin to write on a piece of parchment, it uses your blood, and leaves a scar on your body from the place it took the blood from. It doesn't scar straight away. But if you use it enough times, it leaves a permanent mark. Mother made me write the family motto so many times, to remind me that the Black family is superior to all others, that the words Toujours Pur, were carved into my skin" explained Sirius.
"That's sick" replied Raya.
"That's my mother for you" admitted Sirius.

"And despite being forced to get an involuntarily tattoo, when you were a child, you still want to get real tattoos when you're older, which makes no sense" said Raya.
"I've always liked the look of tattoos, and I'm not going to let my hateful mother take something I like from me. I'm not going to give her that power. I want to reclaim my body as my own. And when I get my first tattoo when I'm 17, it will be a big step in accepting my body for what it is. Maybe one day I might even feel brave enough to walk around in public, without a shirt on. But we'll have to see" replied Sirius.

"That would certainly be a very big step... I wonder what your devoted pure-blood mother would do to us, if she found out you were dating a half-blood, who is also a Squib" said Raya.
Sirius spun around to face her, and took hold of her hands, squeezing them tight.
"I don't care what she thinks, for she is not the boss of me. And ever since I got a wand she has kept the punishments to a minimum, as she knows I can fight back now. I would certainly never let her hurt you, if she found out about our relationship. I promise that I will always keep you safe" reassured Sirius.

"You can't promise me that. We live in a dangerous world, and no one's safety is guaranteed" reminded Raya.
"Maybe not. But I can promise to protect you from my parents" replied Sirius.
"I'm grateful for any protection I can get, since I'm not much use to anyone without a wand" admitted Raya.
"You don't need a wand, to mean the world to me"
"Another cheesy statement, Mr Black"
"And like the last one. This one is also true... Now that you've seen my scars, you know there is nothing to be afraid of. You can show me yours, and you know I will not turn my head in disgust".

Raya took a step back from Sirius and shook her head as she placed her hand onto her chest.
"No. That is one step I am not ready for" mumbled Raya.
Sirius closed the gap between them once again, and placed his hands onto her shoulders.
"And that's O.K. We all heal our mental scars at different times, and we all have different relationships with our bodies. I'm also older than you, so I've had longer to process my trauma. If you are not ready now to show me your scars, then that's fine. I will be here by your side, if and when you are ready to show me. Because I am not going anywhere" promised Sirius.
Raya smiled and melted into Sirius's embrace, allowing him to hold her tight as the pair looked out at the beautiful nights sky, feeling like they were the only two people in the world.