𝑭𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒏 𝑪𝒓𝒐𝒘 | Haikyuu!! x Male! Reader |✔

• nineteen •

A/N: Should I end this after the Aoba Johsai match? Bc I have no idea how to end this story ;-;
I have an idea for an epilogue but idk where to end this story and I'm so sad T-T

Feel free to critique my writing! I'm open to ways where/how I can improve my writing!

(H/c) - hair colour
(E/c) - eye colour
(S/c) - skin colour
(R/n) - random name

_____

• nineteen •

Sugawara let go of (m/n) as the second year had stopped clinging onto him, his breaths were heavy as he gripped his shirt tightly, struggling to breathe. Sugawara hugged (m/n) and drew circles on his back, saying hushed reassuring words to the (h/c) haired male to calm him down a little. The two stayed in the corridor in an embrace as (m/n) slowly managed to calm himself down thanks to Sugawara.

Once the silver haired male was sure he had calmed down a little, Sugawara proceeded to have (m/n) follow him to attempt some breathing exercises to get his breath back much more easily. When (m/n) felt a little better, the taller staired down at his hands that were still red from the contact of the ball.

“(m/n) …” Sugawara started as he looked up at the taller male to sneak a glance at his face, “it’s okay, you can let it all out.”

(m/n) pursed his lips into a firm line as he attempted to hold back his emotions until traitorous tears stained his cheeks and quiet sobs escaped his lips. All the loud thoughts in his head running through his mind faster than a formula one race car. All his emotions were let out as he cried and cried like he had never cried before.

The pain he wished to forget had finally caught up with him, choking him, suffocating him. It was painful for him and for Sugawara. Just watching someone who always seemed so happy and always laughed with the team breakdown in front of him. It took everything he had to hold in his tears. (m/n) didn’t need another person to cry with him, he needed someone to comfort him.

Sugawara frowned and held (m/n)’s shaking hands gently.

(m/n) flinched at the touch and couldn’t help but cry even more.

“I’m… s-sorry…” (m/n) choked out as he held onto Sugawara as if he were his lifeline, “I’m so sorry…!”

Sugawara shook his head and embraced (m/n), “it’s okay… you did nothing wrong (m/n); I promise! You have nothing to be sorry about.” Sugawara said, attempting to keep his tears in as the taller male broke down in front of him.

“No… I controlled them…! They’ll leave me! I’m sorry! I’m sorry I couldn’t be better!” (m/n) yelled his endless stream of pent-up emotions releasing after every word he spoke. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I failed you all… I’m sorry I couldn’t achieve something great!”

It was painful.

It was killing him.

The pain had been slowly eating him away throughout all these years like a parasite.

“No, you did your best. Your best is enough.” Sugawara said in a hushed tone as he gave (m/n)’s hand a little squeeze.

“No…! It’s never enough! I have to do better otherwise I’m nothing!” (m/n) sobbed, “a failure is a failure and those who fail will gain nothing and lose everything…”

“That’s all I ever am… I can’t change that… no one will be there for me, no one will help me…” (m/n) sniffled his (e/c) eyes dulled as tears proceeded to roll down his cheeks, “because I’m a failure.”

Sugawara looked at the taller male in confusion, “what do you mean? Just because you’re a failure doesn’t mean you lose everything and gain nothing. Not everything will end up in a failure. The decisions you make and the actions you make all lead up to something that’ll eventually give you so much happiness. You will be rewarded.” He explained as he grabbed (m/n) by the shoulders and stared at him straight in the eyes. “(m/n) … don’t you believe those words!”

(m/n) looked at Sugawara, “then what am I supposed to believe? I couldn’t lead any of them to victory… my parents… didn’t even look my way… they abandoned me, because I was a failure,” he paused as he looked away, “wouldn’t that mean you’ll all leave me too…? Because I couldn’t do anything, because I hid everything from you?”

Sugawara gulped and held (m/n)’s hand, “I don’t know what you went through (m/n) but… we won’t abandon you,” he stated, “no matter what… I can tell that you’ve been through a lot (m/n), and I know you carry this heavy burden on you… but things are different from what you’ve experienced.”

(m/n)’s eyebrows furrowed a little, “what would you know…?” He glacially asked.

Sugawara frowned and looked down, “in the clubroom… I spotted an old magazine that had fallen out of a box… I was just about to put it back in the box when I spotted your name in it… it described what had happened in your last year in middle school and I had realised why you looked so familiar to me when I had first met you.”

“’A fallen ace and an uncontrollable captain’…” (m/n) said quietly remembering what had been written about him on the magazine, “I had failed my team… I couldn’t lead them to victory… I was the ace and captain, I needed to carry them and yet I couldn’t, I had failed them. Even my friend, Rintarou, who is a part of the team we’re playing right now, turned on me.”

“Then they’re not your teammates,” Sugawara declared catching (m/n) off guard, “volleyball is a game with six people on the same side as you! They are there to help you, support you and raise you up! That is what volleyball is! To connect not only with the ball but with your teammates.”

(m/n)’s eyes widened as he stared into Sugawara’s deep brown hues.

“Then… if we lose… what will happen…?” (m/n) asked.

“If we lose then we’ll just have to get better,” Sugawara grinned, “just because you fail once doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. There’s always, always room for improvement, no matter what.”
“But… you, Dai-chin, Azu-chin, and Kiyo-chin… you’re all going to leave because I couldn’t— “

Sugawara shook his head, “there is no “I” in volleyball (m/n)” he stated with a gentle smile gracing his angelic face, “even if we lose and we may fall there is always a way for you to get back up. But you won’t be alone, the team is there. Volleyball is a team sport, you aren’t fighting alone, you fight together.”

(m/n) looked down and looked at his hands.

“My whole life… I thought that maybe, just maybe if I did something great my parents would look my way, the same way they had looked at me when I was just a baby,” he paused, “but they never did… I was so obsessed with just wanting that parental love they showed me that I lost my way in my path in playing volleyball.”

Sugawara gestured for (m/n) to take a seat beside him, quietly listening to the taller male.

“All of a sudden… everyone expected more and more from me, they wanted me to score more, they wanted me to lead them flawlessly,” (m/n) looked down at his hands, “I don’t even remember the last time I celebrated with a team after a win… hell I don’t even remember the last time I earned a hug from my parents…”

Sugawara stared (m/n) in shock.

“Every time I failed, they yelled at me, punished me, and not once looked after m… and then… they went ahead and used “moving to Miyagi” as an excuse to finally be rid of me…” (m/n) chuckled, “they went ahead and died in a plane crash leaving a nearly fifteen-year-old child to fend for himself.”

“(m/n) you were…” Sugawara faltered with his words, he couldn’t finish his sentence, he couldn’t bare the pain to finish it.

“Abused... bullied… abandoned…” (m/n) smiled weakly as hot tears streamed down his cheeks once again, “I just wanted to be loved… I just wanted to be happy… was that so much to ask for as a child…?”

Tears rolled down Sugawara’s cheeks as he shook his head and embraced (m/n), “no… no it wasn’t (m/n) … they didn’t deserve you…! No child should be treated like that!” he sobbed, “I’m sorry you had to go through all that...!”

(m/n) chuckled weakly, “why are you crying?” He asked as he wiped the tears off Sugawara, despite the tears that were coming out of his eyes.

“Says you…!” Sugawara sobbed the endless stream of tears pouring out of his eyes as (m/n) attempted to wipe them away.

The two embraced one another, sniffling and sobbing.

(m/n) watched as Sugawara stood up after staying in their sobbing mess for several minutes. He watched him wipe away his tears and knelt down in front of him, wiping away his tears, as well.

“From now on… you’ll never be alone! You have us now and you don’t have to struggle by yourself. We’ll help you and each other, you aren’t fighting alone,” Sugawara said as he cracked a grin, “you’re no longer fallen (m/n).”

The (brunet, albino, ginger, etc) stared at Sugawara and laughed.
He felt happy, it had been so long since he had words of comfort from someone. It was new and refreshing. More tears streamed down his cheeks but this time, they weren’t tears of sadness or tears of emotions that he’d held back for long… no, they were happy tears.

For once, (m/n) felt like he had just found his home, his family.

He felt loved.

He no longer felt like a failure, someone who needed to achieve and had no purpose on the court. No, that (m/n) was now long gone. (m/n) hugged Sugawara once more as he smiled grateful that the platinum haired male was there to support and help him.

“Thank you, Kou-chin.” He grinned.

“Oh! Hey! (m/n)!” A loud and very boisterous voice echoed down the corridor completely ruining the moment between the two.

It took everything in Sugawara to hold back from attacking the person, who he assumed was (m/n)’s friend, who had just ruined the precious moment they were having. As Sugawara proceeded to have a mental rage about his ruined moment, (m/n) turned his head to be greeted by (m/n) holding a paper bag of what he assumed contained food and a small carton of chocolate milk.

“Hey, some girl named Yachi told me you’d be here,” Rei grinned as he gently handed the food and beverage to the slightly shorter male before turning to Sugawara and bowed, “thanks for taking care of (m/n).”

Sugawara looked at Rei and nodded, “it’s fine, it’s our turn to help (m/n) anyway…”

Rei nodded, “yep! This guy is always helping others, but no one ever helps him,” he spoke as the two watched (m/n) quietly munch on the warm meat buns, “ever since middle school… he’s changed. My mother and I do our best to help him but… he always ends up helping us.”

Sugawara chuckled, “yeah it seems to be the same with us.” He spoke.

“I want to talk to him in private, would that be alright with you?” Rei asked and Sugawara nodded before walking off to inform the team that (m/n) was doing much better now.

Once Sugawara was out of site, Rei turned to (m/n) noticing that all the meat buns were gone, and half of his chocolate milk was almost finished.

“Didn’t leave one for me?” Rei asked holding the empty paper bag. (m/n) shamelessly shook his head and continued to sip his drink as Rei took a seat beside him. “How you holding up?” He asked after a short moment of silence.

(m/n) looked down and stared his drink, “a little better…” he stated, “I don’t think I’ll be able to get over the trauma and pain I felt back then but… it’s nice to know that there are people out there who care about me, that won’t treat me the same way everyone else did in the past.”

“Now you’re realizing that?” Rei laughed, “you know… Rintarou-San never really wanted to hurt you, he’s always wanted to stick by your side as a friend… but you were so blind in your pursuit of your dream that you couldn’t even look our way unless it involved giving out orders.”

(m/n) looked at Rei as he went on.

“The reason why he always fought with you was because he didn’t want to see you suffer like this,” Rei looked at (m/n), “he knew how much pain you were in, and he wanted to support you… but you always seem to shut everybody out.” Rei sighed and stood up as he took out his hand for the (brunet, albino, ginger, etc) to take. “Looks like you’ve received a real warm wake-up call.”

“I guess you could say that.” (m/n) chuckled and tossed away his drink, “and for once… I’m happy with the decision I’ve made.”

“Good! You better not regret his decision of yours, even when you’re an old bastard!” Rei grinned making (m/n) roll his eyes and shake his head, a small smile gracing his lips.

“Psh, says the oldie in front of me.” (m/n) retorted making Rei sneeze.

Rei blinked a couple of times and only then had he realised that (m/n) had taken off in a run and like thunder, it struck him.

“You’re the ducking bastard that’s been trash-talking me!? You come bac here right now you ass!!” Rei barked and chased after the (h/c) haired male in a fit of rage while (m/n) merely laughed. Rei chased (m/n) right to the double doors that lead to the courts. Rei stopped and watched (m/n) stop right in front of the doors. “What the hell are you doing? Get out there, captain!” Rei grinned and pushed (m/n) out onto the courts, “do us proud!”

(m/n) turned back around to face Rei and grinned.

“You betcha!” He exclaimed and rushed out with Rei smiling proudly at how his captain and ace had changed. It was definitely a sight for sore eyes.