Far from home|KTH

Okay then

It was exciting to go to work again. Emma was there to brighten his days, it felt just like before.

He could just look over to her desk if he missed her and see her deeply engaged in something with either Namjoon or her computer. It felt right again.

She often stared back at him with a smile.

Her mind imagined life here and it was easy to see it work out perfectly with him. Life at work and outside of work would all be spent with him. Sometimes she wondered if it would be too much time spent together and not enough time to miss each other.

She stared straight at him, deep in her thoughts.

"Emma", he said and waved a hand in front of her.

"Huh?", she said and returned to reality quickly.

"Should we go for a drink? It's time to leave work", he said with a soft smile.

"Oh, is it? Time just went by so quickly today...or not just today, it went by quickly the past two weeks", she replied.

"So drink or no drink?", he asked again.

"Oh definitely drink", she replied and got up with a small jump."Ready?", she asked and grabbed his hand.

He nodded and followed her to the exit.

The late afternoon sun greeted them withs its bronze shimmer and they walked a short distance to the nearest bar.

"Cheers!", she said and raised her glass.

"Cheers babe", he replied with a smile,

He saw it too, that future he once dreamt of. It was right within reach now. It scared him to some degree, what if he fucked up? What if she wouldn't be happy here? Should he move to Seoul instead? How would this all work?

The questions piled up quickly.

"Emma..."

"Yes Tae", she replied and put down her glass to give him all attention.

"We should talk about things", he said and watched her with a worried expression.

"Yes...we should", she replied.

She knew this conversation was coming at some point, they had skillfully avoided it by diving into the passion between them.

"Ask away...", she said knowing what he wanted to say already.

"Please don't take this the wrong way, it is really difficult to talk about these things", he said hesitantly.

She nodded reassuringly.

"Not that long ago I thought that I would never be happy again. I felt that heartbroken when you left and when you broke up with me I thought that I would never be okay again. Emma, it was all really hard for me", he said, a hint of sadness in his dark eyes.

"I know. I'm sorry, but I know that it's not enough. I wish I could have done things differently. It was really hard for me too", she replied.

"I know, Namjoon told me. Somehow I felt comforted by the thought that you suffered the same. But why did we have to suffer? Everything about us felt so right, why did it have to be so complicated, why did there have to be so much pain involved in something so beautiful?", he replied, leaning on the table casually and picking up his drink again taking big gulp out of it.

She observed him. She was aware of the pain she caused him but it was different to see it in his eyes. She had been protected from seeing it.

"I don't know what to say Tae. I wish I could take it back, I wish I could heal your heart. You deserve better...", she said with a sad gaze.

"That's not what I mean, I don't want to blame you or make you feel bad. I just think that it's important for us to talk about these things because we hurt each other in the process of getting to this point and we hurt other people as well ", he replied.

"Yeah...I'm not proud of the fact that there was always other people besides the two of us in this relationship...", she replied.

"That is very true...Jin and Maddy...they got caught in our storm. I have apologized to her and I'm sure you talked to Jin...but I still feel bad. Why are we always this complicated?", he asked with honest confusion.

"I don't know. Can I ask you something?", she replied.

"Always".

"Do you trust me after all that we have been through? Do you trust that I will not hurt you again?", she asked nervously.

"Hm...I want to think so. I try not to think about the past but to focus on the fact that we are actually here together, something I thought was impossible not that long ago", he answered staring right into her eyes.

There was still some sadness in his eyes with all the love.

"It should not be painful, I don't want you to suffer with me", she said and reached for his hand.

"I think we owe it to each other to give this a real chance, otherwise we will always wonder what if...", he said. "It would hurt more to not know".

"But still Tae...I want to love you to pieces so that you forget the hurt. It pains me to even see a hint of sadness in your eyes", she said and embraced his hand with hers. "You are the reason I smile so I want to be the reason you smile. Promise me that you will let me try without any hesitation, that is the only way this is going to work".

"I could never say no to you, you know this..", he replied and pulled her closer by her hands. "Come here. I can't imagine my life without you", he whispered as he embraced her tightly. "I promise to give you my all, I think that we can only heal together admitting that we caused each other pain. So I'm sorry for every tear you cried and I accept your apology".

Emma stroke his back lovingly.

"Me too, I promise to do the same, to give us a chance", she replied softly.

He let go of her and found her gaze.

"Everything is so intense with you, the love, the pain...", he said with a slight smile.

She gazed at him trying to decide if he really was ready to take this journey with her.

"I know. But I would rather do this with you than anyone else. It's not going to be easy, I will have to leave again and we will have to do long-distance for a while. Can you handle that?", she replied nervously. 

"I think so yes. For you yes", he replied confidently.

"Okay then", she said and kissed him softly.

"Okay what?", he asked as he pulled away from her lips.

"Then I'm all yours", she replied with a smile.

His smile widened and he pulled her in for a deep kiss.

Those were the words he had waited to hear for a very long time.