Far from home|KTH

Epilogue: If we just dare to risk it all

"Did you have enough time to grieve yet?", he asked with a careful smile, observing her facial expression closely.

She looked up at him with a surprised expression in her soulful eyes, not really sure of what he was indicating at.

"Huh? What do you mean enough time to grieve? I don't think that there is a timeline for that...", she said with a slightly sad smile, looking away from his dreamy gaze.

Tae still lingered on her mind daily, he always would, she was sure of it. It had been a few years. Some days she felt strong and capable, others she still felt like it was yesterday when she sat face to face with him, her heart aching. Tears were always just a heartbeat away when it came to him. She had a hard time talking about him, she always would have. It broke her every time, the memories and the emotions were always too close to her heart.

At times she was confident that they could make it work if they just tried again, others she understood why it never would work, why it always would just hurt to some degree. In the moments of desperation she painted wonderful scenarios of happier endings. Most days she buried herself into work, into anything that would offer a distraction, something to keep her mind off him.

"Well, if there isn't really a timeline for those things, then how are you going to move on? You have to at some point. You just have to decide when enough is enough", he said.

"I'm not sure. Maybe love isn't for me...I got to experience so much love already, I'm grateful, I shouldn't be greedy", she said smiling back at him.

"That's the saddest thing I've ever heard, seriously. You have so much to offer someone, trust me...", he replied, somewhat upset over her answer.

He pouted secretly, wondering if their time would ever come?

He would have given anything for her to look at him that way, with a fraction of how she looked at Tae. He knew he could love her right, to heal her eventually. To give her another shot of something great. He wanted to love her, take care of her. She deserved it, he deserved it too. The trick here was the timing. He was trying to be patient.

He tried to date other people but the thought of her was always present to the degree where he had to eventually accept the fact that he loved her, wanted her in ways he had not realised before.

When she smiled his heart lit up, when she laughed and locked eyes with him it filled his gut with intense butterflies. He would have given anything to just hold her tightly, to smell her hair, to feel her skin connected to his. To protect her from anything. It occupied all his thoughts, it was getting difficult to stay away, to not say something that would cross that line.

Once the line would be crossed or even blurred, he knew that he could lose her completely, if the feeling wasn't mutual. Was he willing to risk it or was it better to just stay friends?

It was getting harder to stay just friends, he was in agony. He had to force himself to not take her hand when she walked next to him, even though he effortlessly made it look like an accident when he brushed it gently with hers. He enjoyed to torture himself to some degree, to see if he was capable of crossing the line.

When she hugged him, he had to forcefully concentrate not to get too excited or inappropriate. But his thoughts were mad inappropriate. He just needed one shot at this, one.

He gathered all his confidence and courage and moved closer to her on the couch. Enough was enough, either he gave it a go or he forgot about it. He could not suffer anymore.

"Emma...", he said hesitantly as he grabbed her hands in his, tilting his head down and looking up at her shyly. His cheeks flushed in a light pink, his heartbeat racing.

He wasn't shy but she made him exceptionally shy and nervous.

"Yeah...", she said and looked at him a little confused, wondering why he held her hands like that and why he was nervous. It was unlike him.

He took a deep breath, this was it. Just say it.

"I have to tell you something, but promise me that you will just listen with an open mind", he said with anticipation in his eyes.

She studied his face, that face that she knew so well, but this time he looked different. He looked at her differently and he was usually never nervous around her. His eyes stared at her deeply, his slight smile making his dimples appear. He was handsome, always had been, but there was a different energy in the air tonight. It was tense and seducing.

"Tell me", she urged him. "Why are you nervous, stop it, you are making me nervous, what is it? You can tell me anything, you know that", she replied, leaning closer to him and locking eyes with him.

He looked down, still holding on to her hands, his palms sweating by now.

"I don't want to be your friend anymore, I can't", he began.

Her eyes widened by the shock of what he just said.

"Why? What did I do?", she said in a slight panicked mode. "Tell me".

He smiled and locked eyes with her again.

"Because what I feel for you is not friendly anymore, Emma. It is deeper than that, and all I want to do right now is kiss you...I have to fight really hard to control myself around you these days", he replied watching her reaction closely. He felt like throwing up.

She tried hard to comprehend what he just said, to make sense of it. He was her best friend, this was a dangerous game.

"Joon...", she said hesitantly, still looking at his love struck eyes.

She couldn't believe that she had not noticed that before, it was so obvious to her now that he said it out loud.

"Please...let me love you", he said and leaned closer to her, his lips hovering just an inch from hers, his eyes switching focus between her lips and her startled eyes as he gulped. "Just one chance, give me one, I'll be good to you", he whispered.

Emma was paralyzed, but not from fear. She couldn't deny that the thought had crossed her mind sometimes, what it would feel like to cross that line with him. He was perfect, a gentleman, soft and gentle, charming, strong, her backbone, her everything. Without him she wasn't sure she would be here today at all. He had saved her.

She nodded and smashed her lips on his and he didn't waste time returning the kiss. It was slow, sensual, intimate and hot. The heat from his plump moist lips hungrily exploring hers spreading to hers, causing her heartbeat to rush, her body to feel warm and fuzzy. He pulled her closer, hands slowly exploring her the way he always had wanted.

He smiled into the kiss, knowing that he won in life at this moment. He would never waste one minute not making her feel like the most loved woman. She was everything to him.

He wasn't her next best thing, that would never be the case. He was just different, and different was good.

But that, is another story, yet to be told.