Coffee & You (BOYXBOY) (COMPLETED)

Chapter 25: Beam

I stood at the entrance of my dorm, knowing I had messed up. I tried calling Lam again but he ignored my calls. I decided to try and reach out to him tomorrow again.

(The next day...)

I met Forth and Park for lunch at the Engineering canteen. Kit was busy with some homework so Park decided to go surprise him. I swear Park has gotten so much softer since he started dating Kit. That left Forth and me for lunch. Just then Lam called Forth and queried about where he was. Forth replied he was at the canteen and about to mention my name when I shook my head. Forth caught the signal and just asked Lam to come for lunch too.

"What is going on with you two? Why didn't you want me to tell Lam that you were here?"
Before I could answer him, Lam had arrived. However when he realized I was there, Lam uttered some excuse about Pete wanting to meet and went off. Forth just stared shocked. Lam had come and gone in 5 minutes.
"This is why I told you not to say anything. He wouldn't come from the start if he knew I was here. Thanks to you, I got to see him for at least a few seconds." I uttered softly.

Forth just looked at me. I finally told Forth on what happened about 3 weeks ago. Just as I finished, Forth smacked me against my forehead.
"Hey what's that for?!?!" I grimaced in pain.

"Are you dumb Beam??? If you don't like him, why did you kiss him then?! Worst you make it sound like it was a horrible mistake. Can you imagine how he feels? Lam only looks icy on the front but he is a softie at heart.".

"It's not that I don like him.. the thing is I do.. just that I don want to ruin our friendship if the relationship didn't work out...".

"What makes you think now the friendship isn't spoilt? Lam has always been there for you. He picks you up from bar nights, sends you home, accompanies you on all of your movie nights, he's the first you look for when you have a problem and you are the first he looks for when he needs to talk to someone. And listening to you, it is obvious both of you are mutually attracted to the other. Then why do you make it sound like a mistake?! You think by dismissing the whole thing, everything is OK? You just ruined it. Lam is never going to look your way ever again. He can be worse than you when he decides to cut off somebody. You have hurt him Beam. He would have tolerated or let it go if it was anyone else because they aren't important. But you?"...

I just looked at Forth sadly. My eyes glimmered and my tears split down. I just laid my head on the table and started crying. I felt so helpless that I did not know on what to do. Forth tried to comfort me but he was clueless too. In the end, I took my leave and went back to my dorm. I switched off my phone, looked my dorm door and just sat down at the balcony. Night soon came and I just sat down, consumed in my own thoughts. I had heard Pha and Kit knock on my door endlessly but I ignored it. Ming came by too with Forth and Yo and I ignored it too. Kit came back with Park again who threatened to tear down my door but it didn't work on me.

I just sat down, swarmed in my thoughts until around 3am, I heard my door open. I stood up, wondering who it could be. I turned around ready to chase away whomever it was until I realized it was Lam.

"Lam?!" I ran to him and just hugged him tight.  I cried endlessly holding onto him tight. I felt him sigh and he held onto me.

"How long have you been like this? Have you even eaten? Or drank any water?" I heard him nag. I just shook my head, sobbing softly holding him tight. Nothing mattered now that he was here. He took me to my bed, made me sit there whilst he went to make some noodles. He brought it back and set it up at the little coffee table I had. He got me to go take a quick shower so the food could cool down too. I came out to see him just switching on the laptop to play some shows. He got me to eat my noodles whilst he sat next to me and watched the show. After I was done, he washed it up whilst I followed him to the kitchen standing close by. He finished the dishes and turned around, wiping his hands on the hand towel. He steered me by my shoulders to the bed and made me sit down, with a cup of tea. Lam went to lock my balcony door, took off his shirt and slipped into bed with me. I finished my tea and laid down. He laid next to me, just cuddling me till I fell asleep.

(The next day...)

I woke up only to find the bed empty. Was it all a dream? The bed seemed like it was untouched. I looked at myself but I was in a fresh set of clothes. But where was Lam? 
"I'm here. Stop talking to yourself. You sound silly." I looked up to see him coming out of the bathroom with a towel tied around his waist.
I just looked down, mortified. He came over, threw a towel at me and asked me to go shower. I came out to see Lam dressed in sweatpants and no t-shirt preparing breakfast. I walked over to him hesitantly. He saw me, beckoned me over.

He got me to continue stirring the porridge and he went to make tea. I was concentrating on the job intensely as I didn't want it to burn.

We got breakfast settled and sat down to eat. I finally gathered the courage to look at him and wanted to speak but Lam beat me to it.

"Don't beat yourself up over it. I don't want you to be shutting yourself out from the world just because of what went down between us. In fact like what you said, it's best we pretended nothing happened. Let's just be friends. I wouldn't want our friendship nor the other boys ones to be suffering because of our idiocy. ".

I looked at him in shock. "You came over, did all these...."

"Don't be silly Beam. I have always done this even as a friend for you. We are friends remember. So let's just be friends.".

I shook my head violently.  "No, I don't want to be friends. I care about you. I like you. I want to be your boyfriend. Why are you doing this?? Are you punishing me? Is that it? I am sorry. But Lam, I, I love you.." I stuttered out bewildered.

"You don't love me Beam. You think you do but you don't. You are probably guilty that you wrote off the kiss with me but don worry. I thought about it; you are right. We are friends and let's just remain that. Plus we don't want the other boys to be worrying about us. Forth called me yesterday and I feel bad. Let's not do this to them. Let's be friends again na?".

I stared at Lam completely gobsmacked. I should be happy hearing that he shared supposedly the same view as me but my heart, at this point of time, just ached. I could literally feel it bleeding. I looked at Lam who continued eating his breakfast.

I didn't have any idea on what to do anymore.