A's Lullaby

She's Tired

[ Mikha suddenly gets severe symptoms of her illness. She was with Aiah when she collapsed and was sent to the emergency. ]

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They were in their garden. Aiah was doing her usual painting while Mikha sat beside her. The latter's head was on her shoulder.

It was quiet.

The only sound were from the birds that could be heard chirping.

Aiah started humming a tune as she continued stroking her brush on the canvas.

She felt content at this moment. 

If Aiah could stop time, she would stop it right now. She was doing something she loves with someone she loves.

Oh how she wanted this to last forever.

Until she felt Mikha's weight getting heavier and heavier. The girl's head slipping on her shoulder.

Aiah dropped her brush and caught Mikha. "Love? Are you okay? What's happening?"

"I'h dizsy." Mikha slurred.

This made Aiah alarmed. She put her arms around the girl.

Then Mikha fainted.

"Mikha!"

It was a blur. Aiah did everything quick, her mind was trying so hard to keep up and stay focused.

She got Mikha in the emergency. Aiah was waiting while the doctors checked up on the girl. She kept fumbling her fingers and shaking her legs anxiously.

Aiah couldn't help it so she stood up and started walking around in circles. Her mind was in chaos.

"It's going to be fine Aiah. It's going to be fine, Mikha's fine." She kept mumbling to herself.

Everything's fine. I know it will be.

When the Doctor appeared she felt her stomach fell. She dreaded this.

"Doc?"

"Ms. Arceta? Family ni Ms. Lim?"

"Yes po."

"I'm sorry to say this."

Love, please be okay.

"Nagkaroon ng blood clot sa dilated left ventricle which was caused by blood pooling. We have to-"

Everything completely blurred for Aiah. 

Her mind blanked. She couldn't hear anything.

This can't be happening.

"Ms. Arceta?"

"Ms. Arceta. We have to confine Ms. Lim right away, ikaw ba mag sisign ng papers? You will be assisted here, we'll definitely help you."

She gulped the lump on her throat.

Aiah wordlessly nodded her head. She went along with the flow of everything that's happening.

The river of anxiety floats her around in an endless stream of paper works and errands. Aiah had to take a leave of absence in work. She had told their friends what happened and they said they'll help in looking out for Mikha.

The girl was busy taking care of the medical documents, signing that needed to be signed.

It was already a week and she had not properly seen Mikha yet.

Never had it occurred to her that being strong was so hard.

That it takes a lot of effort to put up a strong front, to not breakdown and just leave it all to pass.

What the hell keeps me going?

"Aiah."

Gwen called out from behind. She stopped walking mid way towards Mikha's room.

"Gwenny." She smiled.

"Kamusta ka? Halos hindi ka namin nakikita."

"Eto, ang dami kasing need iasikaso. Thank you pala ha, binabantayan niyo si Mikha." She continued standing there, letting Gwen walk up to her.

"Gising na si Mikha." Gwen gently said. "Hinahanap ka niya."

"I know." She uttered quietly.

Gwen gave her a comforting pat on the back. "Ang hirap. Pero kakayanin."

"Yeah."

They started walking to Mikha's room.

Inside, Jhoanna and Maloi were there sitting and talking next to the girl on the bed.

"Uy ate Aiah, nandito ka na pala." Jhoanna said.

"Hi." She waved. Mikha was looking at her, the girl was biting her lower lip and her eyes glistening.

"Where have you been?" Mikha mumbled.

"Tara guys labas muna tayo." Gwen urged the two who easily complied.

The door closed.

Aiah sat on the edge of Mikha's bed. "How have you been?"

"Answer me first?" Mikha countered.

She bit the inner of her cheeks. "Inasikaso ko lang documents mo dito sa hospital, you know bills and stuff."

"For a week? Wala kang time puntahan ako?" Mikha's voice was so soft like she was so afraid of saying those words.

It made Aiah melt.

"No, it's not like that. I'm sorry." 

"Hmmm." Mikha looked away.

"Are you..." 

She waited for Mikha to continue.

"Are you tired?"

Aiah frowned. "I should be the one asking you that, ikaw ung nandito ngayon-"

"No. I mean, are you tired tired."

Oh.

Oh.

Am I tired? 

"I..." She lets out a heavy breath. "Of course not."

"Don't lie."

She bit her lips, "I'm not lying."

"Are you?" Mikha asked again.

"I'm," Aiah heaved a shaky breath and continued. "I'm not that tired."

Hearing this, the girl's expression completely fell. "So you are."

Aiah sighed, "I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything." Mikha looked at her. Her eyes pierced through Aiah's. She could feel the heavy weight of emotions surging through them.

"Touch me." It was not a demand, it wasn't an order. It was more like a wish.

A sense of hope, maybe a tinge of desire to hold onto what they have right now. To not let it break, to make it continue even if the mountains to climb were high.

She complied.

Aiah snaked her arms around Mikha's waist and rested her chin on the girl's shoulder. She breathed in the latter's scent. She savored the figure she's holding.

The girl kept memorizing the way Mikha breaths, she synched the way they breathed out and in.

She kept memorizing how small Mikha's waist is, she's memorizing the way their bodies fit. How it was a perfect fit for a forehead kiss. 

Then it clicked.

Like a sudden wave of peace in her chaotic mind.

Mikha was her puzzle piece. Mikha was her key. Mikha was her cloud. Mikha was her calm.

Mikha was.

Mikha was.

Mikha is.

Mikha will always be.

She's the reason that keeps me going.