A's Lullaby

Leaving and Stopping

[ Mikha wanted to leave Aiah so that the girl can move on and have a life without her. But Aiah does not want to. ]

---

"Let's break up."

Mikha wasn't looking at Aiah.

She drop those words while gazing at the sun by the window. Setting and bathing the surroundings yellow.

She couldn't dare to look at Aiah's eyes. Mikha could not bare to see the girl break as she let out her words. 

Because if she sees how Aiah's face fell, how the girl looked so heart broken, Mikha would take it back in a heart beat.

"You're joking right?" Aiah was hopeful, she tapped Mikha's arm like the latter made a great joke. "I know you're joking, you almost got me there!" She forced a laugh.

Mikha stood up and took a step back.

The floor board creaked. It echoed in the room.

"Aiah, let's break up." Her own heart broke. 

It took a lot of her will power to not break down as Aiah stared at her, making sense of the situation.

She's now facing her. Mikha saw how the girl moistened her lips and how her brows furrowed. Aiah's eyes fluttered, her beautiful orbs glistened.

Mikha hated it. That she was the cause of this.

"I...uh," Aiah stammered. "Why?" She whispered, her voice cracking at the end.

She forced down the lump in her throat but was now stuck in her chest. Mikha tried smiling, "You know why." Her lips quivered.

Then she realized how unfair it is for her to smile at Aiah who was visibly hurting. 

So, her pained smile dropped. "It's better for us, for you."

"You can't decide on your own." Aiah mumbled. Her voice above whisper.

"I love you." Aiah continued before Mikha could say anything back.

"I know and I do too, pero hindi enough yon." Mikha brushed up her hair and another step back. "Love isn't good enough."

The other girl frowned, "Love isn't always good, Mikhs."

She went silent. 

The sun completely went down. 

The quietness was deafening. 

"Love." A beat. 

"Isn't always so good." Aiah added. "I'm not breaking up with you."

Mikha looked away and sighed. She shut her eyes closed.

"Aiah..."

"I'm not breaking up with you." Aiah repeated.

She can't do anything so she doesn't speak.

Because in all honesty, Mikha didn't really want it too. 

---

"May gusto ka ba kay Aiah?"

She asked a question with an obvious answer. Colet was staring at her with an are-you-serious look, that she stared back to let her friend know that she is serious.

"Wala, protective lang ako sa mga friends ko."

Mikha looked at her like she doesn't believe her, so Colet continued.

"Protective din ako sayo, di lang halata selosa kasi si Aiah." Colet tried to joke but Mikha was still serious.

"Kasi prinoprotektahan ka ni Aiah, alagang alaga ka niya. kaya ganon ako sakanya."

"Bakit? Prinoprotektahan ko rin naman siya ah, inaalagan ko din siya. so bakit...actually don't answer that." Mikha closed her fists and locked her jaw.

"Pag nawala ka," Colet was cut off by Mikha.

"I said don't answer."

But Colet still continued. "Naiimagine ko na kung pano babagsak si Aiah. Baka sundan ka pa niya. Ganon kalala."

"Shit."

"Walang may gusto ng situation nyo, walang may kasalanan. Pero gusto ko kayo tulungan kahit papano. Gawin mo lang ung ginagawa mo, magmahalan kayo. Kami na bahala kung ano mang mangyari." Colet talked like it was so easy.

"Alam mo ba kung gaano kahirap bumangon araw araw?" Mikha scoffed and sarcastically smiled.

"And the first thing you'll think of is I could've not woken up or how many days do I have left?" 

"Do you know how hard it is to be with someone that's going to die?"

Colet shook her head and was supposed to say something but Mikha continued.

"That's right you don't. So don't talk like it's so easy for me to deal with this."

"Kami na bahala kung ano man mangyari my ass" she shook her head.

Her friend sighed. "Alam mo hindi talaga ako pumunta dito para makipag away. Akala ko may sasabihin ka sakin? Eto ba yon?"

Mikha froze for a second. This wasn't how the conversation is supposed to go.

She bit her lip.

"Pinapunta talaga kita dito kasi..."

"Kasi?" Colet raised her eye brows.

"It's for Aiah, may bilin ako for Aiah."

"Ano yon?"

"Take care of her."

Colet waited for Mikha to continue but the girl didn't. So they were staring at each other for a few seconds before she spoke. "Ayon lang ba?"

Mikha nodded.

"Of course." Colet said.

The girl sighed, "I meant, after what's going to happen to me. Take care of her, promise me."

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Thanks."

Mikha knows Colet already does this even if she didn't ask. Just from their conversation earlier, she painfully knows how more qualified Colet was compared to her.

But it has another bearing, another meaning.

Take care of her means be there for her when I'm gone. It means don't let her break that much. It means don't let her do stupid things after. It means whatever happens make sure there's someone she could lean on.

It means do the things that Mikha could not do.

A car stopped in front of them, and Aiah went out from it.

"Uy sorry I'm late, thanks for waiting with Mikha Colet." Aiah said while smiling.

"How's the check up?" The older girl asked as she grabbed Mikha's things from Colet.

Mikha shrugged, "Okay lang."

"Well, okay means good." Aiah assured. 

She only nodded.

Aiah turned to Colet and said good bye. "We'll get going na, Cols."

"Sure, ingat kayo. Mikha." Colet nodded her head at them.

Mikha let Aiah guide her inside the car. She let the girl put the seatbelt on her.

"How are you so optimistic even after what's happening?" She asked.

Aiah stopped, her hands rested on the steering wheel. 

The girl shrugged, "Because I love you." She said like it was that simple.

Mikha couldn't believe it. She started laughing in disbelief.

Oh Aiah, sometimes I wish you didn't.