Us. Always.|karlnapity|trans quackity au

Chapter 31: white rabbits

a/n: things are going to be a lot slower coming out. I need to focus on other things and I'm also losing motivation, so it's getting harder and harder to reach 1000 words per chapter. Each chapter might take a week or more to publish, so I'm sorry for that.

Tw: implied disordered eating (scroll until end notice), blood (single paragraph)

- Quackity pov, the present -

it's been a month in this hell. 

he got exactly what he wanted, they'll never find me here.

not karl, not eret, not even the forensic investigators.

never.

i'm stuck.

i look at myself in the mirror, look at the way my chest has healed awkwardly, look at how there are too many curves and not enough rigid angles, and feel overwhelmed by that familiar, disgusting, depressing femininity.

i hate myself.

i haven't eaten in a while. i can see my ribs, rising and falling underneath my skin in perfect sync with my breathing. 

it's not like anyone is there to stop me from anything. it's not like he actually cares about my health, not like they did, and i can't fight on my own. 

so i give up. 

it's the only way. i don't have the energy to fight, i don't have anyone to help, i don't have any way to cheat it like i did before. 

and even so, giving up means less energy, less energy means less ability to fight it. 

❗end of trigger for disordered eating❗

i feel sick and tired and overwhelmed and shit, and i'm waiting to just wake up in a hospital bed.

reality itself feels blurry, it hurts to think anything complicated and although my priority is staying alive, i'm not going to stay that way for much longer.

not like this.

i sit down, or technically my legs give out and i fall. because i moved quickly, my head spins and I feel nauseous. 

gravity feels so much stronger.

like it's trying to pull me down to the void and have me fall endlessly.

and honestly?

i'd rather fall forever than stay here.

- Karl pov, a month earlier -

Too late?

No.

No, we can't be. We can't.

I run up the splintering stairs, check every room.

❗single paragraph warning for blood❗ There's a large bloodstain on the floor of the bedroom. 

I feel sick.

He's not here.

I start panicking, checking everywhere, shouting for him, until Eret puts a calm hand on my shoulder.

 "He's not here." they say, a single tear rolling down his cheek. "He's just not here." 

I turn around into her waiting hug, and we sink to the floor, sobbing.