FALLEN FROM GRACE ⍋ Regulus & Sirius Black

- Chapter 9 -

RESEARCH AND REALISATIONS
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I had to find some clarity for how I was beginning to feel. This research had to alleviate some of my amnesia.

When I first woke up, I believed what Madam Pomfrey told me. That she'd answer all of my questions, and the reality was that she couldn't.

The only questions I cared to be answered had none.

I didn't care to ask about who found me, the professors probably had something to keep tabs on all of the students. Some way of knowing if one of us wandered off of Hogwarts grounds. The same type of spell similar to the one casted over the restricted section and I didn't particularly feel in a thankful mood to praise the person who took an injured body rightfully to the hospital wing.

Madam Pomfrey said only I had the answers to my questions so it felt useless to go on some hunt to find different perspectives and feel appreciative of others whilst I didn't know the whole truth.

I probably would be met with something along the lines of them not knowing entirely anyway, asking people what happened wasn't working and felt like a waste of energy.

I didn't care about what spells they had used to rebuild my bones and why potion wasn't enough. That's not what I cared to ask.

I didn't care about all the technicalities that happened whilst I was in a coma. Who was assigned my chart and who washed me, changed my feeding tubes. Which one of my friends cried and who didn't.

I cared to ask about how this all happened but I just received the same answer.

"You were brought to me and that's all I know, poppet."

What was I doing in the forest in the first place and why don't I remember? I still couldn't even imagine the inside of the forest. There had to be some information that triggered something for me.

What was in there?

How did I almost die?

The people involved with caring for me afterwards, selfishly, didn't provide me anything of substance or any kind of peace. Mainly because (other than Sirius Black) it was only my friends visiting and nurses and teachers who were doing their job.

Wait...Sirius Black.

His name had to be popping up for a reason. He had to be visiting me for a reason.
He had to know about this book off the top of his head for a reason.

Perhaps wrongly, but I never would have assumed Sirius Black to be the academic type who reads for fun. How was he so familiar with the restricted areas material?

Something clicked inside me that made me stand to my feet. I was alone now, books sprawled out on the circular table and so I didn't control my impulse to physically connect the dots or talk out loud.

"He's the one who found me." I said surely.

It made perfect sense.

There was no reason for Sirius to be a visitor of mine, or even know of my real name outside of the nicknames I was being given in rumours.

There was no reason for Sirius to have a sudden interest in watching over me or offering me help towards a dedicated forbidden forest chapter unless he was there.

Sirius Black must have been the person to have taken me to the hospital wing from the forbidden forest. He obviously knew a great deal about things he shouldn't.

I sat with the realisation for a while. Staring into pile of books without focusing my eyes onto them.

Nothing.

Just as I had predicted, it didn't matter who had found me because I had no memory of that. Knowing Sirius Black took me to the hospital didn't trigger anything about that night.

I rubbed my face with frustration. Maybe I could consider asking him about it but there was something about the way he carried himself that suggested to me that he'd never tell me the truth anyway.

The one person who perhaps could tell me the truth, was a known liar.

I had to do some of the dirty work myself before I succumbed and endured an egotistical conversation with the seventh year.

There had to be something in these books that could provoke a feeling within me other than boredom.

A flash of a memory was all I was seeking.
A second.

I didn't want to be let down by another person with some message that the truth lies within me, without seeing if maybe it does first.