Little Angel

8

Charlie

Stress. That's all I could feel right now packing everything up, all of Sam's tiny clothes, making sure all her hair bobbles are together and everything is out of the bathroom that was ours. I was trying to be calm for Sam but in truth I was terrified to go live back with Adam and the others. 

When I was younger, they bullied me constantly because I was the youngest and I refuse to let that happen to Sam, I've always thought of her as a daughter more than a sister as I raised her when mum died. She was a troublesome baby to be honest, always crying and hated whenever lights were turned on or there was any loud noises. I always just thought she was difficult and it annoyed the other kids when she cried through the night. 

I just shoved my music in and continued to pack as Sam went to the bathroom. She was trying to be sneaky about it though for some strange reason, but maybe she just didn't want to disturb me. It was my job to know where she is at all times, I'm like her mum and her dad. Sometimes I wish she was older, more like 15 so she could take care of herself. That sounds selfish I know, but at the same time I also wanted to be like other teenagers.

I have never gone out all night with my mates, or stayed over with a girl, I mean whenever I have girlfriend, Sam has always hated her for some reason, they never got along even though that girl at the time really tried. She just can't fake being nice, which sometimes really annoys me, she can't just be nice she has to be blunt about things.

It would make my life a whole lot easier, to know that she would be able to survive without me, but right now she still needs me. Her autism didn't help with that either, not that it bothered me, in fact it made me even more protective of her. 

When she was around 4 and 5 it was a lot harder, being only 12 having to take care of someone so particular about everything, especially food, she only ate Yorkshire puddings for weeks, that's it! Nothing else. She didn't start speaking till then, everyone including myself thought she was a mute or something, but her first word was my name which wasn't surprising as I was the only one ever really around her, she cried at everyone else.  I soon learned that if you gave her rules and strict boundaries she followed them right away. 

What really helped was when we went to the museum as a school, they allowed me to take Sam with me on the bus. It was the first time she truly enjoyed something, walking around with her eyes widened just like all the other kids. It was really the first time she ever fit in to anything as well.

When she turned 8, she stopped being so difficult, its like she grew up over night, she knew what she wanted and was able to speak a lot clearer as well. She still only speaks when its absolutely necessary but even then, at least she is speaking. 

I knew that as soon as we moved into the manor, she would stop speaking entirely, that's how she normally was whenever we moved. It was like she was assessing the place to see if it is worthy of her words. Normally it wasn't. 

We had amazing foster parents at one point, Emir and Dafne, they were Turkish but spoke English very well. They loved Sam so much, but I completely ruined it, I broke a few things in rage, angry at everything in the world, this was when I was about 14, so she was only 7 at the time so she didn't understand why I was so angry, though she has always been smart, she has never been good at reading people's emotions.

It came to a point where I had to print out emotions of my face and teach her what each one meant, in which she just gave me a very bored expression.

It took her months to learn what different emotions were, unlike an entire book in two hours. It was exhausting, and whenever social workers or foster parents would try and get involved I always hated it. I guess I liked being her parent at the same time.

But it also made me realise just how big of a responsibility kids are, and how I should wait for a long time before even thinking of having my own, though I feel like I already have one of my own.

I was counting down the days till I turn 18, it's in 67 days. 67 days too long. Nearly 10 weeks till I can take Sam far away from our brothers. 

Sam wondered back into the room after a second with something stuffed up her t-shirt, her trying to hide things from me never worked, she always gave it away.

"Hey, what's that?", I asked her, causing her to look at me with her eyes widened.

"What's what?", She asked quietly, as she clung closer to her stomach, I could hear some plastic rustling around. I stared at her for a moment as I saw her gulp.

"Never mind, I think I'm just hearing things", I said with a smile, as she looked at me with surprise then nodded at me.

"Yeah probably", She said with a nervous giggle, something I rarely heard, her laughter. She would only laugh when I tickled her or threw her up in the air, and its mostly nervous laughter though I knew she trusted me. 

I just nodded at her as she hopped into bed, still in her clothes.

"Um hunny, Pj's?", I said with a smile as she just stared at me with her big green eyes. Those amazing eyes she got after birth, at first they were light blue, then turned into the darkest green. 

"Oh yeah", She said with a smile, nervous about something. She just ran off with her pyjamas into the bathroom looking back when she did as I just shook my head. As she left, I realised the plastic wrap wasn't in her t-shirt now as the sound was now gone.

I got up quietly and snuck over over to her bed, lifting up the pillow. It was a picture of her and mum, both of them looking happy and content in eachother company. Why would she hide this from me? I would never take it away from her.

I heard her coming back up the stairs and quietly went back over to her pillow, sliding it inside and quickly walking as quietly as I could to my side of the room. I pulled it out only to see an adorable photo of her and mother, mum being on her hospital bed staring at Sam with so much love and adoration. I wonder why she would try and hide it from me.

I heard her little feet patter back to me, her climbing up the stairs as I put the photo back and went over to my side, as if I hadn't moved. She was now in her space Pj's , her teddy tucked in to her arm and waiting for me to tuck her in like normal. I just shook my head as she got into bed, cuddling her pillow. 

I tucked both sides of the bed around her as she fell asleep almost instantly. I moved her hair back behind her ears and continued to pack, making sure I wasn't too loud so I didn't wake her up. I didn't know what I was going to do when I get to the manor, I told her we would leave in a few months but I don't know if I would be able to.

I just need them to stay away from her, I have taken care of her for her entire life, they can't just come and jump in whenever they feel like it. I just had to keep her safe and close.

God knows what they are doing right now.