Didn't See That Coming | The Walking Dead(1)

Part 17 (Could Never Be Me)

The next morning, CJ woke up with a fierce headache. The pain from her eye was spreading across her entire face. The cut on her arm stung from where she had lay on it during the long night.

Her slumber had been broken several times during the night. She left her tent only once when she felt like she couldn't breath and she threw up, but luckily no one saw or heard her. After that, every time she woke up she forced herself to go to sleep again.

Her nightmares consisted of flashing images of the incident in the woods. The feeling of being trapped under Carver's grip, his face when she drove the knife into him, his screams and cries when the walkers got to his body. It all replayed in her mind on repeat like a horror movie.

She tiredly got up and changed into her jeans from yesterday and pulled on a blue flannel shirt over the black tank top she slept in, tying the hems of the shirt into a knot on her front. She brushed her hair and braided it roughly so it hung over her right shoulder. She strapped on her belt and slid her knives into their sheaths and left the tent.

She took her gun with her to put with the others. As much as it frustrated her, she would not be able to help with the search for Sophia today.

"Morning," Glenn called over to CJ as she approached him and Dale where they were stood at the front of the RV tinkering with the engine again. Seriously, how is the RV still running?

"How are you feeling?" Dale asked, putting down his screwdriver and turning to face her.

"Feels like someone set my brain on fire and then tried to put it out with acid," CJ answered groggily. "But other than that I'm good," she added, shrugging her shoulders with a small smile.

"You know you're not going out there today, right?" Glenn uttered, more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah, I know," CJ sighed. "At least Daryl found that farmhouse yesterday. Hopefully that leads to something."

"Morning guys," Rick greeted as he approached the three. "CJ, you alright?"

"I'm fine. Don't think I'm gonna be much use out there today, I'm sorry," she said with an apologetic smile.

"That's okay," he responded with a nod.

"Yeah, with all of us heading out we'll need you here keeping an eye on everything else," Glenn added. "If you're feeling okay."

"I am," CJ nodded. "Didn't sleep great, but I'll be okay."

She was partly relieved that despite knowing what she had done, no one was treating her like a killer or a bad person, except Shane. But the other part of her was worried. She hadn't told them what he really attacked her for. She didn't tell anyone about leaving him for the walkers. She was still trying to figure out herself why she did that instead of just letting him bleed to death. He didn't want to turn. If she had left him, he wouldn't have.

She did what she had to do, but she didn't have to do it like that.

CJ and Rick headed over to where a few others were standing around the hood of a car looking at a map. CJ stepped forward and put her pistol down with the other guns.

"Alright, everyone's getting new search grids today," Rick announced, standing in the middle of the group. "If she made it as far as the farmhouse Daryl found, she might've gone further east than we've been."

Jimmy popped up out of nowhere from behind the group. "I'd like to help. I know the area pretty well and stuff."

"Hershel's okay with this?" Rick asked him.

"Yes," he answered quickly. "He said I should ask you."

"Alright then, thanks," Rick said before turning back to the others.