Didn't See That Coming | The Walking Dead(1)

Part 89 (Panic Attack)

The next morning when CJ and Daryl were preparing to leave for the Hilltop, The King generously gave them a car and some weapons for their journey, which CJ thanked him for. She also assured him that once there was a good time, she would come back to the Kingdom to speak more about their plans to make a trade agreement.

CJ took a rifle and some spare magazines, and she also took extra ammo for her own handgun. Richard had given Daryl a new crossbow, which Daryl was pretty happy with. CJ was happy too. He looked more like himself with the familiar weapon. 

The drive back to Hilltop was spent mostly in silence. There was no trouble, no detours, just a straight shot following the route. The only time they stopped was when they came to a turning they would have taken if they were going to Alexandria. To home.

It took CJ a second to realise why Daryl had stopped, but when she did, she put her hand over his on the steering wheel and smiled faintly. She understood his hesitation. She wanted nothing more than to go home, to sleep in her own room. But they both knew it wasn't an option. He gripped her hand and kissed her knuckles before heading off again and not looking back.

Once they arrived at Hilltop, they were greeted by Maggie and Jesus. They came over to the car and hugged CJ, but Daryl just got out of the vehicle and walked off with his eyes trained on the ground. Maggie sighed sadly as she headed off to deal with something at the trailers. 

When she asked, Jesus led CJ around to where Glenn and Abraham were buried, and she sat down in the dirt. Jesus put a hand on her shoulder and said they'd talk later, and he left her alone. 

Looking at where her friends were buried, CJ's eyes stung as she recalled the events that led her to be sitting in front of these two graves. She felt a tear run down her cheek, which she made no effort to wipe away. She shuffled on the spot to sit up on her knees, leaning forwards a little. 

"Hey, Asshat," she smiled sadly, her voice already starting to break. "Shit's getting pretty tough around here. This is the first chance I've got to actually come talk to you. Sorry about that." She squinted her eyes closed as her vision blurred with tears. She wiped her nose with her sleeve and continued. "You're a real asshole for dying, you know that?" she whimpered. "I got no clue what I'm doing. And you're not here to help me anymore. I... I'm so sorry for what happened to you."

"You know I'm not one for believing in an afterlife or religion or heaven or any a' that stuff... But I hope wherever you are right now, if anywhere, you're with the other people we loved," she whispered. "I hope you're with Dale, and Lori, and T-Dog, and Beth, and Hershel. I hope that everyone is doing okay, and that they found peace. I wonder if you got to meet Tony. If he's there with you, tell him I said hi." She choked back a sob and drew lines in the dirt in front of her as she stared at the grave.

"I want you to know that we're gonna win," she cleared her throat to speak a little louder. "Whatever... whatever comes next, we're gonna win. We're gonna fight for our family. You and Abraham, you didn't die in vain. I'll make sure of it. We'll never let someone do this to us again. We'll be smarter, stronger, braver. I need you to know that your baby will know you. I'll tell him or her everything about you. I'll even tell them the 'asshat' origin story," she laughed as her tears fell. "I love you... And I miss you. If I can promise you one thing, then it's this... The world will never forget Glenn Rhee."

She sat there for a moment, collecting her thoughts when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned around to see Maggie smiling sadly down at her.

"Hey," Maggie whispered, sitting down beside CJ and bringing her knees to her chest. "Jesus said you were around here. Sorry to interrupt."

"It's okay," CJ replied. "I was just... I don't know. Saying goodbye, I guess. Are you alright?"

"As alright as I can be," Maggie mumbled. "Daryl won't talk to me. He'll barely even look at me. I tried to talk to him just now, he didn't even look up."