Seasons

09: It's all right

Distant- one word

A Z A R I A H    D' A M O R E

There's really no word to describe why I've been distant.

I guess it's just a way that I'm feeling.

And I feel sorry. Because I'm not telling her why and dude she can tell. Oh— how she can clearly fucking tell.

I just have so much on my mind it's making me go fucking crazy.

I've never had this much shit in my brain running around, bouncing back and forth. (Besides running plans for basketball.)

My room is dark, the grey sky lighting the small room. Single dorm. I was lucky they had this one left, literally was fighting for it.

I scroll through the instagram feed. Checking out Lina's post on our shared instagram. We all agreed to delete our individual instas and just create one we're we all use the same.

I'm in my own world until a knock hits my door. Jumping up I go to the door and open it

"Lo!" I exclaim. Throwing my arms around him to give him a quick hug. "You didn't text me."

Lo shrugs. "Do I need too?"

I laugh and shake my head. Motioning for him to come in.

He throws his bag on the floor and lays on the bed, his arms going behind his neck.

"Shoot." He says, eyes still trained on the ceiling.

My eyebrow shoots up. "What?" I turn away and put away the clothes outside into the drawers.

Fake it, fake it fakkkkeeeee it~ Ah shit he knows. I can't hide it, no way. I mean if I can, I am one good fucking actor.

La la di, la la da, he ain't gonna know! A voice in my head sings.

"Stop singing dumbass."

I snap my head towards him. "How the fuck do you know?" I tap my head, and point to him. "Can you mind read?"

"Dude can you stop diverting the convo?"

Throwing myself next to him I rest my head against my hand.

"You know how coaches from other schools are coming this year to watch us?" I ask, my voice low. Lo nods his head. "I'm scared."

"Why are you scared?"

"I don't know." I say. "Like if I were to get scouted. And If I were to consider... What would happen, you know? That's what I always ask myself, since coach talked to us."

He sighs. "You do know it's okay to worry right?" He bounces a small ball off the ceiling. "Not everything has to be decided right away. Just because I decided quicker than normal, doesn't mean you have too. You can wait and see what opens up for you. Or what feels right. I know you over think and all that, but just wait and see."

"That's the thing, I worry about every single fucking thing." Not even joking. I need to know everything to be okay. Or how things will turn out. "I just can't be at ease."