Bitter, sweet, lust || NCT FF

Chapter 34

Jaemin's POV

I woke up early and saw Hae gone beside me. I look on the bathroom and she's not there. I decided to see if she's downstairs. I Check the Living room and the kitchen but no, she isn't there.

My heart started beating fast as I cant find her. I feel nervous and anxious that I cannot find her.

Hae: Bumbum

I turn around and Saw her standing at the garden wearing a Yellow sun dress.

I let out a relief sigh and head to her. I leaned to give her cheek a kiss

Jaemin: Good morning
Hae: morning.

She gave me a smile. A small smile. I look around and saw a picnic mat on the ground. I turned Hae and She just shrug her shoulder

Hae: Its Saturday. Picnic Day.

Oh, right. It's Saturday. Every Saturday we have a little picnic. We would be smiling and eating joyfully but now, i doubt that the smiles on our faces are even real.

Hae: Ill get the food, stay here.
Jaemin: No, Ill get the food you stay.
Hae: Bumbum, please? Just let me.
Jaemin: What's with the bumbum?

She perked her lip before tip toeing to give my cheek a kiss.

Hae: You're my bumbum, Stay there. Ill get the foods.

She turned around and Went inside leaving me here in the garden. I sat on the mat and Wait for her. Soon she came back with the picnic basket. She put it on the mat next to me and Sat beside me.

She didn't say anything, her face was plain. No emotion. Not cold, nothing.

She took out the food, I was going to help her but she gave me a side eye causing me to just stay quiet and let her.

She took out the pasta and Gave it to me and she eat hers as-well.

Hae: You've been going to school?
Jaemin: Yea, Im taking down notes. I thought of taking notes for you, plus we have the same Topic in every class anyway.
Hae: oh
Jaemin: Wonhee she looks worried Sunshine-
Hae: Let's only talk about us. Only us not others.

She said casually looking away from me and eating her pasta. I just nod and eat quietly and silently glance at her from time to time.

Hae: do you like the pasta?
Jaemin: It taste great. You made it?
Hae: yea, its mommy's recipe.

There's a small smile on her face. She misses her mom.

Jaemin: Did you know? Your parents, they know about sunlight
Hae: They do?
Jawmin: Changmin told me, your dad was so happy
Hae: I bet he is, and Now he is sad and probably crying because sunlight's gone

She uttered coldly putting her pasta down and Taking out a drink. She handed me some as she drank some on her cup

Hae: I shouldn't have went to the rooftop that day
Jaemin: Hae-
Hae: No wait, its your fault

My brows furrowed at her word. She started laughing and Drink all of the Juice before looking at me with a  disappointed face

Hae: It was your fault, You are the one that killed Sunlight! You killed our Child Jaemin!
Jaemin: Sunshine-
Hae: Dont you dare call me Sunshine! It fucking disgust me!

She yelled and Stood up, I ran after her, I held her arm turning her around. She is crying. I reach for her face but she held my hand and harshly pushed it away.

Hae: Dont Fucking touch me! You killed Sunlight!
Jaemin: Sunshine I-
Hae: I SAID DONT CALL ME SUNSHINE! YOU DISGUST ME! I SHOULD HAVE LISTEN TO HEE!

She yelled, tears kept on falling out of her eyes. This pains me, seeing her crying pains me.

Hae: I should have listened to Hee, She's right after all, I really shouldn't have Linked myself with you! Then probably I would be living happily and not like this! All depressed and Crying over My Child! If I just kept it a secret then I would still be pregnant and Be happy whenever Sunlight kick! It's a fucking mistake to have you in my life Jaemin!

Her word made my heart clenched. Her words are so painful, they're so damn Painful. It's felt like I was Stab in the heart through her words.

She blames me. She blames me for Sunlight's death

Hae: I shouldn't have let myself Fall Im love with you! I was so stupid! I shouldn't have love you! I shouldn't have!

She yelled crying out loud kneeling on the floor. I kneeled down and wipe her tears, I didn't mind my Own tears. I didn't even know I was crying.

Hae: Dont touch me! You despise me Jaemin! You ruin me! You fucking Ruin My life, My happy Life! You ruin everything Jaemin! I regret loving you!
Jaemin: No, you dont. You dont mean that.
Hae: I do! I fucking Hate you! You killed my Baby! You killed Him! You fucking Killed the baby in me! You killed the only joy I have! You fucking took everything! You fucking ruin Me!

I ruin her.

Jaemin: Sunshine-
Hae: Go away!
Jaemin: No Im not leaving you, Im not going anywhere sunshin-
Hae: Not going anywhere?! And what? Stay by my side and Fucking Ruin me more?!
Jaemin: Im not-
Hae: Stop assuring me with something you cant even do! Because you fuck things up!
Jaemin: Im sorry, Blame me. Blame me all you want, But I'll never leave you.
Hae: JAEMIN!

She yelled and Push me away. She stood up and Went to the Door opening it. I followed her.

Jaemin: Hae
Hae: Get out! Leave! I do not want you! I dont want you to be in my life! Get the fuck out!
Jaemin: No, Im not leaving
Hae: I said fucking leave! Stop fucking up my life and go fuck some other peoples life! You already ruin me! Seeing you makes me want to end my life!

She pushed me outside. And closed the door. I stood there not moving, Crying like hell.

I stood there hoping that she doesn't mean all those word. I stood there hoping that I really didn't ruin her. I stood there hoping I didn't ruin her life. I stood there hoping that she doesn't mean it when she said she regret loving me. I stood there hoping She doesn't mean it when she said meeting me was a mistake. I stood there Hoping that I wasn't the reason why we lost Sunlight. I stood there hoping that she doesn't mean it when she said seeing me makes her end her life. I stood there broken, longing and Torn into pieces.

The person that I cherish. The person that I love the most, Makes her want to die because of me. I ruined my sunshine.

TO BE CONTINUED