Confident || Changbin

Rest

"He's coming over. Tonight!" I shout as soon as I enter the front door of our apartment.

"Who?" Mila asks.

"Changbin. He kissed me today and he's coming over tonight!" I fall face first onto the couch, drowning in excitement and nerves.

"Woah, he kissed you? And he's coming over?"

"Yes, that's what I've been saying!!!"

"Well, let me just make myself scarce then." She gets up and starts heading to her bedroom.

"It's not like that." At least I don't think it's like that. "I think he wants to take me out somewhere."

"And then he will bring you home and I'd rather not be around for what comes after that."

I roll my eyes, annoyed that she thinks this is a hookup. Do I even know what this really is, though? Mila leaves the living room anyway, and I hear the TV in her bedroom turn on. I think she purposely turns up the volume so she doesn't have to hear whatever she thinks she might hear. What if he really is coming over to try to sleep with me? I think to myself, anxiety setting in. What if that's all he wants from me? Should I go through with this? I remember how I watched Changbin all week during the music video shoot. Strong arms, broad shoulders, thick chest. He could fold me in half if he wanted to and I think I would let him. It's been more than six months before I've had any kind of physical contact with anyone. My body is ready, but I'm scared that I've developed more than just a physical attraction to Changbin. He's so self assured and confident. But he's also kind. Oh no. I like him. I decide that I can't think about sex anymore and just see how the night goes.

In the shower, I use my favorite body wash and give myself a good once over with a razor. Just in case. Black Opium by Yves Saint Laurent always makes me feel sexy, so I spritz that around my neck and in my hair. Changbin never told me what time he would come, so in an effort to be ready whenever he did get here, I end up waiting for more than two hours. I'm sitting on the couch, mindlessly watching Netflix, and trying not to think about how I got my hopes up for this. He's not coming. He stood you up. God, how naive can you be? It's almost 9pm and I'm starting to spiral in self doubt, so I get up to change into my pajamas.

*Knock, knock, knock*

Oh shit. He came. He's here. Oh shit. A different type of self doubt hits me hard. Now I just have to try not to act like an utter fool.

I answer the door and I'm greeted by his warm smile.

"Hey," I say shyly. "Come in."

He walks in and I can see that he's in the same clothes as this morning when he showed up for the video shoot. His hair is stiff from hairspray and the makeup that I put on him is starting to smear and smudge. His eyes look so tired.

"I'm so sorry that I didn't shower or change. Our manager, Youngjae kept us way longer than expected and I just didn't want to make you wait any longer."

"It's okay, really. But Changbin, you look exhausted. Do you want to take a rain check?"

"Absolutely not. I wanted to see you. Plus, I told you I would return the favor."

He wanted to see me! "Return the favor?"

"I'm taking you out for coffee!" He beams proudly.

"Oh! Let me just grab my coa—wait. It's late. I think coffee is the last thing you need right now."

"Yeah, you're probably right." He sighs and frowns. "Where would you like to go then?"

"You don't have to take me anywhere. I can see that you're tired. We can just hang out on the couch or the balcony, if you'd like?" Did I just invite Seo Changbin to hang out at my apartment?!

"I wouldn't be imposing? I was supposed to take you out, but something more laid back does seem nice..." He looks visibly worried. Does he not feel like it's okay to rest?

"Don't be silly. I'm glad you're here." I take the opportunity to flirt a little and I reach for his hand, looking up at him with a sincere smile. He reciprocates by pulling me into him and wrapping his strong arms around me. I lean my head on his chest and I can hear his heartbeat. Rhythmic and steady.

"Thank you," he says after our hug. "For being so kind and understanding."

I'm not sure how to take the compliment so I change the subject. "Are you hungry?"

Changbin tells me that he hasn't eaten since lunch was served on set, so I begin grilling him the steak that I had saved for my lunch tomorrow. He insists on helping me make him something to eat but I don't let him. I can't believe how tired he looks. I have to force him to sit on the couch and rest. We converse about work and his day while I prepare his food, but then he goes silent. I assume he's interested in the show I had on Netflix and keep cooking. I quickly sauté some bell peppers and put them on a bed of white rice with the steak. As I carry the food into the living room to serve him, I realize that he's fallen asleep.

He finally looks comfortable. His face is soft, resting in his hand that's propped on the arm of the couch. He needed this.

I can't wake him up when he looks so cozy, so I cover his food and sit on the other side of the couch. I think maybe he will sleep for a few minutes and wake up on his own. He doesn't wake up. Now it's midnight and he hasn't moved from the same spot he fell asleep in. I'm worried that he might have somewhere to be in the morning so I try to wake him.

"Changbin?" I gently rub his arm and speak lightly.

"Hmmmmmm?" He barely answers, eyes still closed.

"It's midnight. Do you need to get up? Do you have to go?"

"Nnnnnnnn"

"Do you want me to set an alarm for you?"

"Nnnnnnnn"

"Would you rather sleep in a bed?"

"Nnnnnnnn"

"Do you even understand what I'm saying?"

"Mhmmmm"

I chuckle. Who am I to make him get up when he doesn't have a care in the world right now? I grab an extra pillow and blanket for him and coax him to at least lay down on the couch instead of sitting up. I untie his boots and set them by the front door. I plug his cell phone in to charge. The whole time he never once opens his eyes. I feel so bad for him. He worked so hard today and he still tried to do something nice for me. I hope he doesn't feel guilty when he wakes up.

I don't want him to wake up and be alone so I grab a blanket of my own and curl up in the armchair next to the couch. I'm so glad that the night ended up like this, even if we didn't go out. I don't need a fancy dinner or coffee. Just him.