Confident || Changbin

Hope?

Miss Sage,
I'm still so sorry for everything. Please forgive me.
-Seo Changbin

My heart lurches into my throat. How could he do this to me? It was hard enough to listen to him turn me down, to leave him at the hotel, and to see pictures of him online. Now I have to deal with the fact that he's been thinking about me enough to send me flowers. He's not making this easy for me at all. How is it that he still has such a hold on me?

I tuck the card into the pocket of my slacks and sit in the salon chair. The tears that were before only threatening to appear have now started falling down my cheeks. Elizabeth appears after I start crying.

"Aww, who sent you flower—wait, are you okay?"

"Elizabeth," I look at her pleadingly, hoping for an ounce of sympathy that I normally wouldn't receive from her. "Can I take the rest of the day, please? I only have two more clients, can someone else take them? Please?"

She looks as if she's contemplating her decision. Then, I don't know if it's out of pity for me or if it's the fact that I won't even have a job here for much longer, she nods, signaling that it's okay for me to go.

I look back at the flowers, thinking about leaving them behind since they will only make me think of him. Then I decide that I'd like to keep them, although it hurts my heart, it is such a beautiful gesture.

Once I'm back home, I sneak to my room without talking to Mila. I don't want to stress her out about my new discovery from work until I have to. Sinking down into my bed, I think back to the makeup room on the set of Maniac when Changbin put his number into my phone. I could text him. I could call him. He left the door open for communication by sending me the flowers, after all. But that wouldn't do me any good. How would I ever get over him if grasp for every thread of hope that he throws at me? How do I even know that he wants to hear from me? How do I know that the flowers weren't just an attempt to take his own guilt away?

I open the messages on my phone and click on his name. I see where I texted him my address just a few days ago, and where he responded with a smiling emoji. I think of what to say, I think about whether I should say anything at all. Should I just thank him for the flowers, leave it at that? Should I ask him how he's been? I shouldn't, right? I can't fight it. I figure it's best to be honest. My stomach is tight and my hands are shaky while I type.

Sage 1:46pm- The flowers are beautiful. I just wish they made me feel better.

I immediately wish I could take it back. It sounds so cryptic and pathetic. I realize that it's almost 3am in Seoul right now. I'm sure that he's probably sleeping, so I don't expect to hear anything back right now. I probably shouldn't expect to hear anything back at all. He doesn't owe me anything. I'm getting up to change out of my work clothes when I hear my phone ding.

Changbin 1:50pm- I understand. I just wanted to show that I still care.

He's still awake. Butterflies immediately appear in my stomach and I'm so angry at myself because I'm excited to hear from him. I wish I knew what he meant by saying he still cares. Does he care about me?

Sage 1:54pm- I'm sorry it's so late where you are. I hope I didn't wake you.

Changbin 1:55pm- Please don't ever be sorry.

I don't have the slightest idea of what to say next, so I decide that has to be it. I can't allow myself to get sucked back in. I won't contact him again.

* * *

I spend the next few weeks ignoring thoughts about Changbin and trying to save my job. As far as I can tell, Elizabeth still doesn't know that I overheard her in the stock room, but her behavior towards me has definitely changed. She tried to cancel all of my appointments the day after I went home early. She tried to pretend that she was looking out for my well being by doing so. She would send walk-in clients to other artists with full schedules when I had availability. She cut my hours.

Still, I show up and do my best work. I am friendly to clients and they always leave happy. I don't know how much longer I will have a job here, but I have to prove my worth. I can't give up now, especially while I'm feeling so low.

One Tuesday evening after work, I'm applying my skin care and getting ready for bed when my phone rings.

NO CALLER ID
International

My first instinct is to send the call to voicemail, like I normally do when I don't recognize the number. But I take a second glance. International. It couldn't be. Could it?

"This is Sage." I answer.

"Good evening, Miss Lennox. I'm calling from JYP Entertainment. I hope I'm reaching you at a good time? The time difference is a bit tricky."

I immediately recognize his voice as Youngjae. What does he want?

"Hello! Y-yes, now is a good time. How can I help you?"

"Miss Lennox, I'll get straight to the point. I've just talked to our staffing team.  The artist who's position you filled for the Maniac shoot is no longer an employee at JYP. That leaves an open position."

Oh, shit. "Yes?"

"I'll be honest, we've had many applications for this job, but I've never seen idols react as positively to a makeup artist as Stray Kids did to you."

"Really?" They really liked me?!

"Now, they don't know that the position is open yet, because I can't guarantee that the position is strictly for Stray Kids. JYP has other idol groups that some of our artists have to attend to. That being said, we also had a personal assistant who specifically put in a good word for you. Since I work closely with the staffing team to hand-pick any employee that has a chance of working with my guys, I take personal recommendations very seriously."

"I see. May I ask who that was?"

"It was Lily. I understand that you got to know her while on set and during the company dinner?"

Lily! "Yes, Lily was very welcoming to me."

"Do you understand what I'm saying, Miss Lennox? I'm offering you a job with JYP as an artist."

Are you kidding me?! In shock, I almost forget to answer him.

"Thank you so much, sir. I'm very happy to be considered for the position. But how would that work when I live in the United States?"

"JYP is prepared to cover the costs of relocation, as well as provide housing for you. Miss Lennox, accepting this job will require you to move to Seoul. Do you have a passport?"

"I do, but—"

"I understand that this is a big decision for you. I will send you an email with the job description and proposed salary. Think about it, Miss Lennox. We have several events next month for some of our idol groups, so I would like to have the position filled by then. Give me a call in a few days when you have made your decision."

A few days?! A few days to decide if I want to move across the world to a foreign country by myself?!

I don't have this kind of confidence. I don't know how to navigate new places. The only reason I've done somewhat well in New York is because my sister has been here to help me.

The email from Youngjae comes almost immediately. I have to google the exchange rate between South Korean won and United States dollars. Then I google the cost of living in Seoul and compare the proposed salary to that. My jaw drops. This offer is very generous. This offer is more than what Mila and I make combined.

Would I be stupid to turn this offer down? To pass on the chance to see a world different from my own and experience something new? To take a chance on myself again and hopefully do it right this time?

My mind begins racing. Changbin. If I take this job, I'll very likely see him again. Could that be a determining factor for me?

No. If I do this, I can't do it because of him. I have to do this for myself.