Confident || Changbin

Confident

Several Months Later

"Sage Lennox. It's so nice to meet you. Thank you for joining me today."

"Thank you for having me. I have to admit that I've never done anything like this before, so I'm a little nervous."

"Nervous? This is just a chat. How could you be nervous about this after everything you've been through?"

"I wish it were that simple."

"Isn't it? You're the talk of K-pop right now. Nobody can shut up about how brave and strong you are."

"Well, I've spent a lot of my adult life pretending how to be those things. And putting myself down when I thought I wasn't doing a good job at pretending. So it's a little strange to hear people talking about it."

"Are you saying that you're not brave or strong?"

"Of course not. I am brave and strong. I'm just not those things all the time. And it took me a long time to be okay with that."

"Can you explain that to me a little more, Sage?"

"Well, we all have our fair share of bad emotions, right? Nobody can be happy, satisfied, or confident all of the time. Before, I used to think of every negative moment as a product of my environment, so I would run away from the situation whenever I felt that way. But what I finally discovered is that I was really only running from myself."

"And have you stopped running?"

"I have! Of course I'll never stay in a situation that's truly not good for me. But I can tell the difference now, and I'm prepared to work through my emotions and stick it out. Especially when I have such an amazing group of people that support me through it all, too."

"And some would say that you need to have a good support system in life. Would you agree?"

"You're exactly right. I used to think that I could never make it if I couldn't make it on my own. But I shouldn't be ashamed of relying on people. In fact, there was someone who never doubted my worth the entire time and he helped me see it for myself."

"Would that person happen to be Stray Kids' Seo Changbin?"

"That person is Changbin, yes."

"Sage, you'll be honest with me, right?"

"I will."

"We've all seen the news of you and Changbin together. First there was the vlive. Then how you ran to his side when he fell off that stage in Bangkok. And more recently when he flew to the United States to be with you after your attack. Netizens are dying to know. Are you and Changbin more than friends?"

"Changbin is very precious to me."

"Hey, that's not what I asked, and you said you would be honest with me!"

"I was getting to that! The answer is yes. We're very much more than friends."

"You're dating, then? One of South Korea's most desired idols is off the market?! Is there anything you'd like to say to the millions of STAY that will no doubt be broken hearted when they hear the news?"

"There is. I want them to know that if I can give Changbin just a fraction of the amount of happiness and comfort that he gives me, then he will be very well taken care of. So please don't worry!"

"Well said, Sage. I hope that STAY can see the embodiment of grace and sincerity that you are. And I hope they welcome you with open arms. I wish nothing but the best for you and Changbin."

* * *

The YouTube video ends there, with me sitting opposite of Park Minjae, a well-known and well-liked Korean pop culture reporter. I continue look at the still image of myself from the video. My hair and makeup professionally done, but the healing mark on my forehead purposefully left visible and untouched. I'm obviously nervous about being filmed, but at the same time completely content to tell my story.