The Seven Passengers (BTSxTitanic)

Chapter 40: Namjoon

 I put up a fight with the ocean that threatens to swallow me whole. I may be sending myself to death's doorstep quicker by flailing, but this is all I know. I curse at the winds, at the ship, and at myself. Right now, anger fuels my mind. Anger and panic.

Seokjin pops up beside me, gasping in air. He's shivering uncontrollably, but immediately starts swimming in my direction upon seeing me.

"Namjoon!" he cries. He reaches for me and pulls me into a forced kiss. I taste the salty ocean on his freezing lips. When we part, it's only for a few seconds before he pulls me in again. I feel my mouth going numb, but I take in his warmth and will myself to breathe.

"Are you okay? Did you get hit?" I try checking for bullet wounds, but can't keep my head above water without using both my arms. I'm kicking wildly, and at one point, accidentally kick Seokjin.

"Hey, calm down," he says. Seokjin must have seen my expression because he rolls his eyes. "I know, it's not the ideal time to be telling you that. Just hold on to me."

Seokjin links his arms around my waist. I can feel his cold breath on my neck as we bob in the water. Around us, many passengers take their chances and try swimming to the lifeboats that look closer than they appear. I watch as some sink under, never resurfacing.

There's no trace of the Titanic. It's as if our days aboard were nothing more than a dream. Other than the pictures I took, there's no evidence to claim that the ship existed. Actually, I take that back. The pictures are not waterproof. So there really is no evidence.

"They'll come back for us," Seokjin says. "They have to."

I don't want to say it. I don't need to say it. I know they won't be coming back for any of us. They got the rich folks out, so there'd be no reason for a rescue. I just wish Seokjin was one of the rescued.

I feel so foolish. I should have shoved him back on the lifeboat when I had the chance. He should have at least had a shot of surviving. But he threw it all away for me, and he's still saving me by holding me up. This is wrong. All of it is wrong.

"Namjoon...?" He lifts a finger to my cheek and wipes away a tear I didn't know was there. "Why are you crying?"

I attempt to smile, but it ends up pulling more tears. I can't stop. "I'm sorry."

Seokjin's face falls. "What do you mean?"

I shake my head. "Let me go. You'll have a better chance of survival if you're not carrying me. I'll try and find something for you to float on, and then you'll be rescued in no time."

"Stop." Seokjin tightens his grip around my arms. His lip quivers, yet he grits his teeth like the cold is just an inconvenience. "I'm not leaving you to drown."

"This isn't a debate."

"So don't make it one."

He says it quickly, without hesitation. I sigh. "I will not be the one responsible for your death that could have been avoided had I not used you as my personal life raft."

Although he's hugging me to keep warm and to keep me afloat, I can tell he wants to push me away. He's twitching, like he's debating on whether or not he should let me go.

He doesn't.

Instead, Seokjin sighs and loosens his grip in a limp hug. I wrap my arms around him and rest my head on his shoulder. I can still smell the hint of his cologne mixed with the ocean. Somehow, he pulls it off.

"Do you want to know why I jumped back on?" Seokjin says softly.

I wait.

"It's because I remembered what you said. When we first met, you asked what I wanted to do when I got to New York. At the time, I had no idea I could even think for myself, let alone make decisions for myself. But when I spent time with you, that was the first time I ever wanted something in my life."

Seokjin slides a hand across my cheek. It's cold, but I hardly feel it.

"Even if it meant jumping back onto a sinking death, as long as I would be with you, that's all I wanted."

I lean back as his lips find mine. I would rejoice in the fact that he wants the same as I do, but I know there is not a clear, or certain future ahead of us. We may be stranded out here for hours, maybe days, before help comes. How long then, will our love for each other last? How long will we manage to stay alive before we freeze to death?

I don't want to ruin this. I stay quiet, allowing Seokjin's soft kisses echo through the ocean.

If I am to die, I would rather die with the one I love.

But my love must survive.

I draw back from his lips. "Promise me you will live."

"What?"

"Just say it, Seokjin."

He pauses. His eyes search mine. "No."

"Please don't argue with me on this."

"Then don't make stupid promises," he snaps. His anger is showing, though he looks more scared. Seokjin takes a breath, then shivers. "We are both going to make it."

"How do you know that?"

Seokjin frowns. His eyes do not leave mine. I want to take back what I said, but it has to be known, recognized, that I have less than thirty percent chance to survive. He, on the other hand, does. If he can find something to hold on to while waiting for rescue ships, he'll be better off.

Finally, after what felt like hours of silence, Seokjin whispers, "We have to make it."

Tears fall again, from both of us. I replay our time together on the Titanic. If I had met him before we boarded, would we have survived? Would we have feelings for one another like we do now? What would our lives be like if we never met?

I can accurately say that mine would be slow, isolated, and lonely. For what it's worth, I'm glad Frank and John were late. Because of their untimely manner, I jumped on a ship that held someone who I fell for the moment I took his picture.

The waves lap at us, stinging my eyes. I have to tip my head back to breathe in the cold night air. I feel Seokjin's hands grip around my arms. If another powerful wave crashed into us, we could easily be separated and lost at sea.

I don't want to think of that scenario. Instead, I pull Seokjin closer to me. "Remember that interview we had?"

It takes him a moment to respond. Did he not hear me? Then he nods. His eyes are fond as he stares off into the memory. "That was after I gave you the job title: New York Times Journalist."

I chuckle. "Can I finish asking some of those questions?"

"C-can't get enough of me, can y-you?" Seokjin tries to laugh, but his voice is broken. All that comes out is a small squeak.

"Seokjin—"

"I-I'm fine," he says, "keep talking."

I hesitate. In my arms, he isn't shaking anymore. I should be thankful, but the stillness makes me worry. I take a deep breath and continue talking, holding him closer to me.

"If you woke up with no fear, what would you do first?"

He takes a longer time to respond. The thought must be difficult for him to answer quickly. Finally, he shrugs. "I'd marry you."

I almost slip under the surface. "What?"

Seokjin smiles. His face is so pale it reminds me of a snowman. "If I wasn't so afraid of pleasing everyone, I'd marry you. I'd promise you a happier life with me and I'd spend the rest of my days fulfilling that promise."

"Seokjin—"

"I guess I was...I guess I was too late."

My head won't stop spinning. It's getting harder to keep my head above water and breathe properly. "What do you mean?"

"I love you, Namjoon." His voice is barely above a whisper, so soft that the ocean sounds almost drowns him out. It's only when another wave crashes into us that I realize his grip on me has lessened. And that I am gasping for air.

Then I don't feel him anymore.