amnesia ↠ l.h

Chapter 28

When Michael had left and walked back to the kitchen, Luke woke up. He met my now glossy eyes with his and it felt like my heart was going to break any minute. The more I looked at him, the more hirt I felt.

"Good morning" He said and tried to smile.

"Well it's not very good..." I sighed. "But yeah, morning"

"Please try to be happy" He whispered and sat up beside me.

"I'm trying but I just can't seem to find happiness anywhere" I said as Luke took my hand. I pulled it back and stood up. "Can I take a shower"

"Maybe you should ask Ashton" He said and tried to smile again, now showing his dimple.

"Ashton I'm taking a shower!" I said as I walked past the kitchen, not giving him time to answer.

When I came to the bathroom, I immediately locked the door and sank down with my back against the bathtub. I let out a huge sigh before blinking away the tears. I don't think that forgetting about them leaving will be possible. A knock was heard on the door.

"Alison, you okay?" It was Luke.

"Yeah I'm fine" I said, trying to convince him.

"Uhm, I feel so mean doing this.. But the boys and I have to go and look for Michael" Luke started. "We can't find him and he's not answering his phone. And Ash said that if his mum would come home, just tell her that we're out"

My eyes widened and I wiped my eyes dry. I thought he went back to the kitchen?

"No it's okay. Go, you need to find him more than to be with me" I said.

"I love you" He said.

"I love you too" I said.

When I had heard that he walked away, I started to fill up the bathtub. After a while it was full and I took off my clothes and sat down in the hot water. I felt the water embrace my cold body as I breathed out.

Flashbacks from before I found Luke came back. The pain I constantly felt inside of me. Having to fight myself every second of my past miserable life. At the moment, it was like I was back in the exact same situation as I was a few months back. Like I had dreamt about Luke and everything that has happened. Like I had fallen asleep in the bathtub and just now woken up. Tears ran down my face. Memories I had tried to bury had now all been picked up and thrown right at me. And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I got a text from Luke. Reminding me that he would soon leave me and probably forget me over the time he's gone. And same with the other boys. I picked up my phone and locked it up.

From: Luke
To: Alison

We found Michael. He's hungry so is it okay if we go and eat somewhere before coming back ?? xxx

From: Alison
To: Luke

Yeah, it's okay xx

I locked my phone and put it back on the toilet which was beside the bathtub. As I looked up at the sink, I saw Ashton's razor. Without even thinking, I grab the extra razor blades that was laying beside it. I close my eyes and dragged it against my skin. The cold blade creating dark red pictures on my wrist and colouring the water around me pink. I kept cutting seceral times until the pain inside of me started to fade. The relief I got when holding the blade and opening up wounds on my wrist was undescribable. It was like all the stress just floated away with the blood. I had been clean for months and had almost forgot how good it felt.

After a while, all of the water was almost red and I took the plug out. The water was gone within just a few minutes and I started the shower.

+

I sat on Ashton's bed, debating whether to borrow his clothes or not. After all, mine was dirty and didn't smell as good as his. I sighed and walked to his drawer, picking out a white jimi hendrix muscle tank with holes in it and then just some black shorts.

"We're back!" I hear Ashton shout.

Just in that moment, I realised that this shirt wouldn't cover my scars. I quickly took of the muscle tank and searched for a sweater instead. Finally, I found just a plain black knitted sweater. I walked downstairs to find the boys a with McDonald's bag.

"For you!" Luke almost shouts when he sees me and hands me the bag.

I giggled as I took it. I immediately opened it and found chicken nuggets, two cheese burgers and two large fries. My life was complete. No but I completely forgot about everything in that moment.

"We would've bought you a McFlurry too but Luke got to hungry so he ate yours too" Ashton said as he shrugged.

"Luuuuke...." I sighed. He ate my god damn ice cream.

"Sorry..." He said and pouted. "But I know you love me anyways"

"And you know how right you are" I smiled and hugged him.

We sat down in Ashton's couch and watched TV whilst I ate my food. When I reached for some fries Michael suddenly gasped. Calum, Ash and Luke looked at him like they were saying dude wtf is wrong with you ?.

"Ali can I talk to you?" Michael said, ignoring the boys.

Before I even had the chance to answer, Michael grabs my wrist with the cuts and I could feel the blood just sink into Ashton's sweater. Could I consider this sweater mine then?

"What the hell, Ali!?" Michael whisper-screamed.

"What!?" I said.

"Oh, don't "what?" me. You know what I mean!" He cussed and pulled up the sleeve of the sweater.

"HOLY SHIT!" I then hear Calum scream. "LU-"

"Shut up!" Michael cut off. He brought Calum closer.

"What is it?" Luke asked from the living room.

"Nothing" I simply answered.

"What the hell!?" Calum said, looking quickly back and forth between my arm and my face. "I'm gonna faint"

"No you're not. Don't be such a pussy" Michael said to Calum and hit him in the back of his head.

"Ow" Calum said and pouted as Michael rolled his eyes.

"Why did you do it?" Michael asked, trying to sound less stressed and angry.

"I don't know" I answered. "It just kind if happened"

"Please just don't do it again. What do you think Luke will say when he finds out?" Calum said.

"I guess I didn't thought of that" I said and looked down at my wrist.

"It's because I'm leaving you, isn't it?" Luke then said in a disappointed tone. Apparently he had walked in and seen the open cuts when we didn't notice. "I'm sorry... This is all my fault" He sobbed.

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't say yes it's because you're leaving, because that would just hurt him even more. But I couldn't say no it's not your fault either since that was partly true. I just felt like crying.

So I did, along with the rest of the boys who already had realised we didn't have much time left together.

This was so much more depressing than I had thought.

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Wow such a lame chapter hah
but anyways, I tried to update it a bit earlier so I hope you like this chapter even though it kinda sucked

17 votes and 8 comments ?? Pleeaassee?

-malin