Villaverde Brothers Series 2: Jilting the Fearless✓

Chapter Five

I sighed deeply while looking at my ceiling. I've been like a tired potato for already a month since my last photoshoot.

Daddy's question had been running in my mind since that night. He knows what I wanted to do since then, he just didn't allow me.

I've read a lot of books where the lead characters want to do something with their lives but were stopped by their parents. May ilan din akong kakilala na napilitang ibahin ang landas na tinatahak dahil hindi gusto ng mga magulang nila kung saan nila gustong humakbang. Hindi sila makatakas.

Ako, hindi ko pa man naiaangat ang isa kong paa para makahakbang, may kamay nang humihila sa akin pabalik upang hindi ko malakaran ang landas na gusto kong tahakin.

I love my Dad, I just don't understand why he's stopping me to take the path that he also took.

I idolized him since I was a kid for being brave . . . for fighting what he thinks is right. Since then, I've loved the idea of becoming like him someday.

Hindi ko naman inakalang siya pa ang pipigil sa akin na maging katulad niya.

I really do love him but sometimes, his words hurt me and that's something that wouldn't heal by a simple apology.

I have everything I could ask for but I'm not really content with my life.

I'm not happy . . .

I want to achieve more things. I want to be the best woman that I can be. I want to excel to the things that I love to do, pero paano kung ang pinakagusto kong gawin sa buhay ko ay hindi ko magawa?

'Yong simpleng tanong ni Daddy, gabi-gabing gumugulo sa utak ko. Sa tuwing alam kong hindi na ako makakatakas sa pag-iisip dahil wala na akong ibang puwedeng gawin.

Hanggang dito na nga lang ba talaga ako? Habambuhay na nga lang ba talaga akong magiging ganito? Sa ganito na nga lang ba iikot ang buong buhay ko?

I'm starting to think that at the age of 23, I haven't proven anything. Wala pa akong nararating. Wala pa kahit isa.

But I'm proud of myself. I'm still living despite the struggle.

One day, I'll finally make my own path.

Muli na naman akong nagpakawala ng isang malalim na buntonghininga. Wala na akong ginawa sa loob ng isang buong buwan kundi manood nang manood o 'di naman kaya ay magbasa nang magbasa.

Doon lang umikot ang buhay ko dahil wala akong photoshoots at wala ring runway.

Kung hindi nga lang nag-aaya lumabas minsan si Mil, baka naging buro na talaga ako rito sa bahay.

Bihira lang akong lumabas ng kuwarto dahil wala rin naman akong gagawin sa labas. Si Reneil pumapasok sa school, pag-uwi pagod at magkukulong na sa kuwarto. Minsan wala si Daddy at sa office niya na lang natutulog. Si Mommy minsan nakakasabay ko sa hapag, minsan hindi.

Our house is so big but it doesn't feel like home.

Madalang na lang kami magkita. Mas madalas ko pa ngang makita ang mga kasambahay kaysa sa kanila.

I'm getting bored more and more as the days pass by. I can't ask Mil to go out since she's so busy dahil malapit na rin ang start ng career niya rito sa Pilipinas. I don't want to disturb her just because I'm bored at my house and I'm doing nothing.

Tinigil niya ang pang-aasar sa akin kay Jairus pero pinipilit niya naman kaming maging magkaibigan ni Raya.

Eh, naiinis nga ako ro'n!

Well, at first I'm looking forward to be friends with her but when I saw how boring she is with her life, I've changed my mind. Hindi bale na lang. Boring na nga ako tapos kakaibigan pa ako ng boring?