Villaverde Brothers Series 2: Jilting the Fearless✓

Chapter Thirty-four

It's been one week and I haven't heard anything from Jai since that day. I knew I hurt him and I was too insensitive to say those words without thinking of what he may feel. Pero may pinanggalingan din naman ako.

He wouldn't grow on his craft if he will always choose to stay for me. We still have a lot of time for that. Huwag siyang umasta na para bang nauubusan na kami ng oras.

Kaya kong maghintay hanggang sa makabalik siya.

Aminado akong nababahala na ako sa hindi niya pagpaparamdam pero sa tingin ko ay ‘yon ang kailangan namin parehas. Kailangan muna namin ng space kasi kung patuloy na magkakaganito, baka magkanda-leche leche ang lahat.

I couldn't afford to see myself going back to a messy life.

Law school is not a joke. All I ever wanted is to have a peaceful life, so I could continue studying without burdens and hindrances.

Ayoko nang magdagdag pa ng mga bagay na pahihirapan lang ako dahil sa pag-aaral pa lang quota na ako.

But yeah, I wouldn't deny that I am missing him.

Jai is the most gentle man I have ever met, and I feel bad for hurting him.

Para akong tanga na naghihintay ng message at tawag niya pagkatapos ng mga masasakit na sinabi ko. I had a bad day and I took it to him. Naibunton ko na sa kaniya lahat, coz I thought he was the sole reason of my difficulty.

“Napapano ka?” tanong ni Raya sa akin nang mapansin yata ang frustration ko.

It's sunday and she’s here. Wala naman siyang ibang ginugulo kundi ako. Isinantabi ko na muna ang pagbabasa dahil wala rin namang pumapasok sa utak ko.

Pinaglalaruan ko nga lang ang highlighters. Sabi highlight all the important details pero naka-highlight naman buong page. Pakiramdam ko masusuka na ako sa daming binabasa.

My friends don't know what happened to us. Hindi ko alam pero pakiramdam ko kasi na kung ano man ang nangyayari sa aming dalawa ni Jai, dapat sa aming dalawa lang ‘yon. Hindi naman dapat lahat ay alam nila pero sa ngayon, hindi ko alam kung kanino hihingi ng tulong.

I don't need someone who will gaslight me that what I did was right, but I don't also need someone who will invalidate what I felt.

“Jai's not messaging me for a week already,” I spilled.

She raised an eyebrow. “You did or said something?”

Ako naman ang nagtaas ng kilay sa kaniya. “How did you know?”

“Jai isn’t the type of guy who will just ignore you just because he feels like not talking to you. I know him, Ky. Hindi ka basta igho-ghost no’n dahil wala lang,” aniya. “Tell me anong nangyari. Hindi naman kita ija-judge.”

I sighed deeply. Alam ko rin namang may pagkakamali ako at hindi ko lilinisin ang sarili ko. Hindi na para -justify pa kung alam ko namang may mga hindi na rin tama sa sinabi ko. Tiningnan ko ang kaibigan saka muling napabuntonghininga.

“Well, I was mad at him. He told me he received a big offer in Spain but he declined it for me. Kung ano-ano ang nasabi ko. Dumagdag pa na exam ko. Kakaisip ko sa kaniya, hindi ko natapos.  I took all of my frustrations to him. Hindi na ako nakapag-isip nang tama. I told him that if he will keep on being like that, hindi siya makakatulong sa akin . . . that he’s just a distraction.”

She winced, and by that face I already know that she does not agree with some parts of what I said.

“He’s definitely hurt, Ky . . .” she uttered. “I mean, naiintindihan ko naman kung saan ka nanggagaling. Sayang nga naman ‘yong offer.  Alam kong mahirap, at kung minsan kapag nafu-frustrate tayo, hindi na rin tayo nakakapag-isip nang maayos. May mga masasabi tayong pagsisisihan din natin kalaunan. Alam ko namang iniisip mo ngayon na sana you’ve been careful to your choice of words pero wala na, eh. Nasabi mo na. Pero sana maintindihan mong nasaktan ‘yong tao. He probably ignores you because he wants time to think.”