Fading Through Memories

38|+18

Y/n pov.

"She told you what?" I hear Bucky snap, arguing with someone.

"Calm down, Buck." Steve sighs loud enough for me to hear it.

With this you open your eyes gently, blinking several times due to the bright lights in the room and the well-known headache.

"Hey," I cough, trying to sit up. "no need to yell."

"Love..." In a matter of seconds, I have two 6 foot something super soldiers towering over me.

"Tiny," Steve clears his throat. "how do you feel?"

A small frown forms on my face when Bucky's eyes meet mine, yet his hands are in his pockets as I manage to answer Steve through a numb, dry throat.

"I feel great." I clear my throat which ends up in being a full set of coughs.

Steve walks over to my gurney and sits on the edge, giving me a glass of water and looking at me with guilty eyes that I know are his 'I have to tell you something' ones. When I turn to see Bucky and he's looking at me the same way, my eyes widen.

"You're looking at me like I'm dying." I chuckle humorlessly.

Silence.
My eyes go wide and I jolt up into a sitting position. The glass back on Steve's hands.
My hands over my chest.

"Oh my god! I am dying!" I panic, staring up at the two grinning super soldiers.

"You're not dying, tiny." Steve laughs, shaking his head.

I scowl. "That's not funny."

"But the next time I find out about something so important from someone other than you, I swear I'm going to lose it." Bucky's dark eyes making my stomach flip and my chest tighten with guilt.

That's when I realize and finally discover what that expression is on his face: anguish and frustration.
His hands leave his pockets to run down
his face with a soft weary sigh as the guilt inside me grows until it starts to suffocate me. My eyes immediately meet Steve's, screaming to him that he's a loose tongue and how ungrateful I am without having to say a word.

"How much did he tell you?" I sigh, staring up at my boyfriend with sorry eyes.

"I had to." Steve blurts before Bucky can speak. "He was worried."

I nod and he turns, slapping Bucky's back before leaving the room.

"Come lay next to me?" I whisper, scooting so I can make space for him.

"I want to talk." Bucky sighs, keeping the promise he made not too long ago.

I swallow hard, watching him sit down in the chair next to my gurney. "Let's talk."

"I want to give you the opportunity to tell me—it doesn't matter if it's not everything there is. Just tell me the parts you're comfortable sharing with me." His eyes fall to the floor and my heart swells at his understanding behavior.

I love him so much.
But I can't say anything. Not yet.

It's not like I can say, "Hey, a few months ago I found out that I made the mistake of trusting Hydra to give me back my memories and now it turns out that I'm going to get them back but I'm going to absolutely forget everything that's happened in these last few months—Including you! Oh, and, you remember Rumlow, I'm sure you do, well he raised me to be an assassin to follow his orders!"

I can't say that to him.

I look back at him and his head is still between his shoulders, his eyes looking at the ground. "You promised me your eyes too."