Stray Kids Oneshots

"My Everything" / Hwang Hyunjin

Originally Posted: September 19th, 2022 on Instagram

P.O.V Y/N
The smell of sex and sweat filled the tiny bedroom of the small apartment in Seoul. Bruises painted the skin of my neck, chest, and thighs like one of his beautiful watercolors of wildflowers in a meadow. It was dark, only the silver glow of the moonlight filtering in through sheer panel curtains on the balcony windows that were just dark enough to give one privacy without cutting out the sunlight entirely. Once was nothing, twice was nothing, but six months?

I was supposed to be asleep, that's how this was supposed to work. He calls me saying we needs me, I come over, we fuck until we physically can't anymore, we sleep, we forget, we part, we do it again: a never ending cycle of not being in a relationship. But that night was different, instead of sleeping I sat by the balcony door with tears filling my eyes and Hyunjin's shirt wrapped around my body.

I had woken up only an hour after falling asleep with him and realized that this was nothing. His marks meant nothing, the feeling of his lips on my skin meant nothing, the way he made me feel meant nothing to him. But to me it was everything. He is my everything.

I stared in adoring silence at the man who unknowing owns my heart. I was deeply and completely in love with everything about him: the way his eyes disappeared and he throws his body when he laughed, the serious expression on his face while he painted something beautiful, the way his hair always looked effortlessly perfect, the little mole under his left eye that I love to kiss. I could give a million and one reason as to why I love him and still could find a million and one more every single day but at the end of the day they didn't matter because to him I'm just Y/N. I'm just the girl that lived next door as kids, the girl he's been friends with since grade school, the girl he calls when he's horny and alone on a random Tuesday night. I hated him for not loving me but I hated myself for falling in love with him even more.

Hyunjin tossed in his sleep and threw his arm over where I should have been on the right side of his bed. His arm felt around for a moment before he lifted his head still half asleep and looked around the room in confusion.
"Y/N?" He called with traces of sleep still in his voice. I didn't trust my own voice to give a response without breaking so I stayed silent on the floor, but it didn't matter his eyes still found me.

Hyunjin sat up and moved to the edge of the bed to pull on his previously discarded sweatpants from earlier and then walked across the room. He sat on the floor in front of me, he still had traces of drool on his chin and his hair was matted to his head on one side but his face was one of concern, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

I scrubbed the tears off my face. I still couldn't give an answer.
"Y/N?" He called, more concerned this time, "you're not hurt are you? Because I've told you a million times if I-"
"You didn't-" I had to stop and take a breath, "-you didn't hurt me, I did this to myself."
I regretted it as soon as the words left my mouth, "Just go back to sleep Hyunjin, it's fine."

"Y/N," he put a hand on my knee, "don't shut me out. Please."
That was the final crack in the glass before everything came tumbling down. The little streams of tears escalated quickly into full sobs of pure heartbreak.
"I can't do this anymore." I mumbled quietly, hoping it would get lost in the darkness of the room.
"What do you mean?"
"This Hyunjin!" I gestured to everything and nothing at the same time. The sudden outburst was enough to make Hyunjin flinch back from me.

"I can't come over here, day after day, and pretend anymore! I can't stand looking at the marks you made on my skin and know that they don't mean a thing to you when they mean everything to me! You mean everything to me but I'm just the girl you call for a quick meaningless fuck!"

Hyunjin was absolutely silent and just stared blankly at my overemotional state and it just made me feel worse about the situation. I hid my face behind my hands out of embarrassment as I sobbed my eyes out in front of him.
"Y/N," his hands gently wrapped around my wrists and pulled my hands away from my face. His face had softened and he eyes were sparking with tears, "you are not just some meaningless fuck to me."

Oh.

Oh.

"How can you think I don't love you when I tell you all the time?"
Now it was my turn to be confused.
"You've never told me you love me?"
"Yes, I do."
"Only when I'm sucking your dick!"
Hyunjin let out a frustrated laugh.

"You are so dense. Just because I say it during sex doesn't mean I mean it any less. I put these marks on you because I want people to see that you're taken, they aren't meaningless. To me they're beautiful. You are more beautiful than any painting I've ever created. You are my best friend Y/N and I love you. You are my everything and I'm sorry for not telling you sooner."

It was my turn to be at a loss for words. This whole time I thought it was meaningless but secretly we both were wanting the same thing. Hyunjin moved a delicate hand to my cheek and wiped away the tears that were falling down the flushed skin. He was crying too, we
were crying together. He leaned in and pressed his still swollen lips against my own still swollen ones. It lustful or hasty but rather gentle and sweet, full of built up emotions of love and compassion. I had kissed him hundreds of billions of times but none of them were able to take my breath away like this.

It was real. It was blissful. It was love.