Wearing His Hoodie After Breaking Up /Kim Seungmin

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Original Posted: December 30th, 2022 on Instagram

P.O.V Y/N
To say that breakup between Seungmin and I was a bad one was a lie, it was a clean split. No fighting or cheating, just the two of us drifting apart until we both decided to call it quits. I had given him back all of his shirt and sweatshirts, well, except for one. I couldn't bring myself to part one in particular, it was dark blue with a brown teddy bear on the front, it was the sweatshirt Seungmin had lent to me on our third date, the same night he asked me to be his girlfriend. That sweatshirt had always been a source of comfort for me whenever Seungmin couldn't be there.

We were on a school trip for the weekend, a camping trip, and I couldn't of been dreading it more. It was an annual trip that our class had been doing since we were freshman the only thing different this time was that I was all alone.

I sat in the back of bus, headphones in my ears and picking at the loose threads in my jeans as I stared mindlessly out the window. Seungmin say a few rows in front of me, he was laughing with a girl I recognized from biology class. They had been laughing together and talking the entire bus ride, I hated to admit that it made me feel sad and jealous. I'm sure the girl was nice and I knew Seungmin just had a knack for making friends but it didn't deter me from feeling the way I did.

Arriving at the camp ground wasn't much better, everywhere I turned I was reminded off all the fun times Seungmin and I had together, the lake where we would read together, the hiking trail we would sneak out and take late night walks on, the hammock between two oak trees that many afternoon naps were had, and most of all our initials carved into one of the wooden pillars of the dinning pavilion.

The girl was still hanging around Seungmin, the only time they weren't together was when dinner was served. Seungmin sat with his friends, Felix, Jisung, and Hyunjin, and the girl sat her her friends. The gaggle of girls kept glancing over in my direction and giggling while talking amongst themselves. I tried my best to ignore them but it really made my skin crawl. The girl suddenly stood up from her friends and made her way to the table I sat at, she sat down on the bench next to me and smiled.

"You're Y/N right?" She asked. Her voice was melodic and higher pitched, she sounded like a fairy when she spoke. I didn't really want to be having a conversation with her so I just nodded and continued to pick at my food. She didn't take the hint:

"Are you and Seungmin still together? I noticed you haven't been talking to him recently and you haven't been hanging out?"

I was starting to get annoyed:

"We aren't."

"Cool, just wanted to make sure before I ask him out! Thanks!"

My heart sank at her words as I watched her stand from the table and go back to her friends. She bubbled with excitement as I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. I stood from the table and took off, leaving my phone and everything else behind. Hot, unwanted tears pricked at my eyes and blurred my vision as I walked deep into the woods. Soon enough I arrived at the only place I thought could comfort me.

It was a small, grassy clearing deep in the middle of the woods, just a few feet off the main hiking trail. Seungmin and air had accidentally stumbled across it the first time we had come here, we had gotten separated from the rest of our group and found this place. It was one of my favorite places to be in the entire campsite.

I sat on one of the logs that were placed in a semi-circle and finally let myself breathe for what felt like the first time in ages. This was happening, Seungmin and I were really broken up, and someone else was going to ask him out. I shouldn't of been surprised, Seungmin's an amazing person, so kind and respectful to everyone he meets, anyone would be lucky to have him, so it shouldn't surprise me when someone else wants to with him and make him happy.

I sat alone, in deafening silence, a million thoughts racing around in my head and none of them telling me that this heartache is only temporary and I'll heal in time.

"There you are! The chaperones have been looking for you for hours!" An all too familiar voice called out. I raised my head slightly and saw Seungmin walking towards me. He had my phone in one hand and a flashlight in the other. When did the sun start to set?

Seungmin looked me over quickly and his face melted with concern.

"Why are you crying? Did you get hurt?" He sat down on the log next to me and put a hand on my shoulder, a gesture that should of been comforting but just made me cry even harder and my heart ache and even more in my chest. I didn't mean to recoil at his touch, but when I did Seungmin removed his hand so fast, like he was touching something that was burning him.

"Y/N? Seriously you're worrying me, what's wrong?"

"I-I don't want to f-feel like t-this!" I wailed pathetically. Seungmin was confused and kept staring at me, waiting for me to explain. I was having hard time getting the words out through my tears, I didn't notice that he had pulled me into a tight hug until he was holding my head into his chest, his heartbeat was pounding in my ears and the scent of his cologne flooded my nose. He held me as I cried my heart out and when I ran out of tears I pulled back and wiped my cheeks furiously.

"Are you ready to talk about it? Just because we broke up doesn't mean we can't be friends?"

I sighed at his words:

"That's the problem," I half laughed, "I don't know how to be friends with you like this. I want to, you're so important to me, and you've been my best friend for years, but I don't know how to be around you without feeling hurt!"

"Y/N..."

"How are you so okay with all of this? I fall to pieces every single time the littlest thing reminds me of you! I want to be mad at you for breaking my heart but I can't because I know that you're a good person!"

The tears started to fall again and I hurried my head in my hands, absolutely embarrassed to have had an emotional outburst like that. I stood up from the log and began pacing back and forth, just trying to get out all the anxiety building up in my body. Seungmin stood up and wrapped his arms around me and rocked me back and forth gently.

"I'm sorry, truly, I am. I didn't want to hurt you. I know you can't see it but I'm hurting too, I didn't want that break up in the first place."

"Then why did you break up with me?"

"I..." his voice was shaking, Seungmin was trying to hold back tears of his own, "I thought it was what you wanted. We had grown so distant from each other and I didn't think you wanted to be with me anymore. Breaking up with you was the last thing I wanted."

I didn't know what to say, the last thing o had wanted was for us to break up, all of this was just a big misunderstanding.

"I didn't. I never did. Seungmin I'm still yours, I think I always will be."

He pulled back and smiled at my softly, cupping my jaw with his palm and caressing my cheek with his thumb.

"I know."

"You do?"

"Mhm. Because even though we broke up, I still catch you staring at me in the middle of class, because my name in your phone is still 'My Minnie', because you're still wearing the hoodie I gave to you on out third date when you were freezing. That was the date I asked you to be my girlfriend, officially."

My cheeks flushed with an embarrassed heat.

"You noticed?"

"Of course I did. That's what you do when you love someone."

Before I had time to even think of what to say, Seungmin's lips were pressed firmly against mine. His lips were soft and sweet, my breathe hitched in my chest and my hands gripped tightly onto his jacket. It was just the two of us in our clearing in the woods and at that moment the dull ache in my chest faded into peace. A warm, comfortable feeling that settled deep into my bones. This was right.

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