JJK One shots

Them as B99 Quotes

Yuji:
⑅ I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be :) 
⑅ Junpei is my fiancee. My ex-fiancee. My never-wife. ;(
⑅ (showing gojo a dead body) Captain, hey! Welcome to the murder.
⑅ No, no, no, I don't mess with computers, OK? Ever since I died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail, I was like, no thank you. I'm done with this :/
⑅ I'm a detective. I will detect.

Megumi:
⑅ (Nanami telling him to not be mean to Gojo) Hey, show your father some respect. (Megumi) I didn't call him dad!
⑅ Could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face? Maki: Crying?
⑅ VIIIINDICATIOOOONNNN!
⑅ Yuji, why don't you just do the right thing and jump out of a window? Captain Holt will never fire me if he knows I'm mourning the death of a close friend.

Nobara:
⑅ (looking at Megumi) Every time you talk, I hear that sound that plays whenever Pac-Man dies
⑅  If I die, turn my tweets into a book
⑅ Uh, Yuji, wait. What are you doing? Give me the ring.(yuji) Ha! You sound like Gollum.(nobara)that means nothing to me. I don't see those movies, I'm too pretty.
⑅ I was thinking how I would make the perfect American president based upon my skill set, dance ability, and bloodlust.

Maki:
⑅ You think you can just bully people, but you can't. It's not OK. I'm the bully around here. Ask anyone
⑅ So, what is this? Casual, serious? I need to know how to make fun of you.
⑅ The only thing I'm not good at is modesty, because I'm great at it
⑅ OK, no hard feelings, but I hate you. Not joking. Bye.

Inumaki:
⑅  I'm not going to stand here and listen to you accusing me of things I clearly did 
⑅ 'I'm so confused I don't know what's happening right now': title of your sex tape
⑅ Guys? My water just broke. Toge: Don't worry about that, we'll just get you another one- oh, you mean your body water! That's much worse!
⑅ You should make me your campaign manager. I was born for politics! I have great hair and I love lying.

Panda:
⑅ Toge: Do I even weigh anything to you? Panda: No. It's like holding a couple of grapes.
⑅ MY ASS IS NOT FAT!
⑅ (watching yaga come back home) Where were you? You were gone for three hours. I know because I sang 'This Is How We Do It' 143 times.
⑅ I swear, these perps are so stupid. I'd make a better criminal than any of 'em.

Junpei:

⑅Yuji, piece of advice: Just give up. It's the Boyle way. It's why our family crest is a white flag.
⑅ You just graduated Pie School, bitches! Sorry I said 'bitches,' I'm just really worked up.
⑅ 'Be myself' — what kind of garbage advice is that?
⑅ It's such a classic Boyle trait to not recognize talent. My cousin Susan didn't know she could sing until her late 40's.

Gojo:
⑅ I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on >:(
⑅ (fighting with Yaga about Yuji's execution) 20 seconds to spare. Game over, Captain. Check me.(Yaga) I think you mean 'Checkmate.' You really need to learn how to play chess.
⑅ (making direct eye contact with Nanami) I'm scared of businessmen. A whole army of gray-suited Brads and Chads trying to suck my soul and redeem it for frequent flyer miles.
⑅ I'm not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
⑅Sir, we just caught a serial killer! I've wanted this since I was four years old! Yaga: That's troubling.

Geto:
⑅ (holding up the twins as toddlers) I've only had Nanako and Mimiko for a day and a half, but if anything happened to them, I would kill everyone in this room, and then myself :)
⑅ I just negotiated my baby girls down from a pony to a hamster. Little fools >:)
⑅ Thank you, Carlene. Your entire life is garbage.
⑅ (gojo talking to evil geto)Wait... What? Did you say 'eat people?' Are you a cannibal, Caleb?Geto: Well, that's not how I would define myself. If we're going by what I'm most passionate about, I'm a woodworker.

Nanami:
⑅ My Snitches are the best. The key is to always send them handwritten thank-you notes :)
⑅ A place where everybody knows your name is hell. You're describing hell.
⑅ I worked at a sunglass kiosk at the mall for four years. So not only have I been through hell, I was assistant manager there >:(
⑅ Do not trust any child that chews bubble gum-flavored bubble gum. Do not trust any adult that chews gum at all. Never vacation in Banff.