My Sunshine | Camille O'Connell

(31) Le Grand Guignol | Part 1

Life is a chore. Moving through the same steps day by day. Sometimes it can be pleasant, but only if ensured the life is what I want.

And it isn't.

I never wanted to be the savior of this family, I just saw Elijah doing a terrible job of it and knew I'd have to fill in.

Elijah swore to protect our family, but he let Niklaus stick Finn in a box for nine hundred years and repeatedly dagger Kol, Rebekah, and myself. He failed the vast majority of his family. All in the name of making Klaus happy.

And even then, he failed that too!

Elijah's greatest power is being able to hide behind our half-brother like the coward he is. To never gaze at the person he really is and instead playing the part that attaches him to others.

On his own, well I don't know who my big brother is. And I'm scared to ever find out.

So I had to take control, and I hated it. Being the bad cop for my little brother and sister, reprimanding them when they fucked up. They would always complain that Elijah never treats Klaus like that.

But that was the point. Klaus was a nutcase because of that behavior.

Sure, Kol could fly off the bend as well, but he wasn't nonchalant like he was. Though not having an enabler brought about jealousy. Especially when Marcellus entered the picture.

As for Rebekah, our older brothers treat her like an accident waiting to happen, which only makes her want to prove them right.

The only thing stronger than their rivalry with Klaus and Elijah was their rivalry towards each other.

The bickering, the constant fighting for my attention, was made only worse when I then had to raise Klaus' adopted son for him.

Now that was a very stressful ten years.

Because while Klaus and Elijah treated the other younger siblings like children, I was recognized for my maturity and relied upon by my brother to take care of them.

The same bullshit our parents forced onto Elijah.

It was not my responsibility to take care of another person's child if I didn't want to. It was unfair for that to have been thrust upon me.

And I didn't realize any of this until I spent that day with Cami, Davina, and Josh.

For a moment, just one moment, we were our own family.

A family I got to choose.

And I loved it. I thought it was just a reaction to my sunshine, but it was more than her.

The woman I had feelings for and I looking after two innocent children, it filled me with a light I'd never known.

And then I had to return to the Mikaelson world of New Orleans, where my siblings gave me the unique job of taking care of another person against my will.

I love Hayley, she's my first real friend in centuries, my best friend, but I can't help but feel the cycle of Klaus' drama being thrust onto me yet again without my input.

And all Elijah needed to do to convince me was say he needed me. And I went running like a fool.

My life is not my own, not because of that vow but because of the two patriarchs who got to interpret what it meant.

I have been mourning Finn alone for years, feeling unimaginable guilt at not spending enough time with him while my siblings escape that responsibility.