Only Time Will Tell (Ateez/ Stray Kids Fan Fiction)

Twenty-One

There is just something about a different atmosphere. Being with Stray Kids, it was like taking a vacation from a long year's work. Not having to focus on schedules, music shows, promotions, I felt like I was going insane from not helping in any way.

Bang Chan already had dinner on the table for the five of us to eat and I volunteered to help with the cleaning. But Han and Changbin waved me away, saying that they would handle it. I sighed as I hobbled back to my room. You know, being in a house with four other people, it was actually quite lonely.

I sat on the bed, the white colored walls lit up with the purple and pink sunset. I took a photo of the beautiful view and sent it to the Ateez group chat. Of course it didn't send, due to the connection they had but; I knew they would get it as soon as they landed. I lied flat on my back, pulling my good leg up and propped my casted one up on a pillow. The room turned a darker shade of pink and purple, until it slowly turned to a deep midnight blue.

The lonely feeling got stronger and I felt like I was starting to suffocate. Who knew that being alone again would feel like you were actually dying on the inside. Call me dramatic all you want, but it is the truth. I could hear Han and Changbin fighting over something and Hyunjin was yelling at them to shut up. Then I jumped as a door slammed. Through the opened window I could hear someone turning on a radio and bustling out on the balcony.

As my mind focused on the classical music that came from the other room, my tensed body relaxed. It was Hyunjin who was taking the time to himself to work on his art work. The outside lamp shined brightly, casting shadows into my room. On the wall I watched as his figure sat in front of the canvas and his hand stroked with the pen and brushes. Connecting one line with another, filling the one pure white canvas with beautiful, bright colors.

With his music and his shadow, it reminded me of the time when Hongjoong took me to his studio. Falling asleep while he was in his own bubble, listening to his soft humming as he was creating his own masterpiece. That emptiness was back again. I close the book I was reading on my phone and tossed it to the side.

The room was lit up by the microwave light that flooded in from the kitchen. I suppose if the members needed to get up in the middle of the night, they would not trip over anything. Hyunjin's music stopped and I noticed the balcony light was no longer on. The house was silent, well close to being completely silent when I heard their phones chime with a notification.

Tapping the screen on my phone, I saw that it was midnight. Wow time flies when your mind is preoccupied with other scenarios. I sat up, sighing softly and I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I was not tired, so I decided to get up. The crutches tapped softly on the carpet as I made my way out of the room. As I hopped into the kitchen, I nearly jumpd out of my skin when the refrigerator door closed.

"Oh shit." Bang Chan jumped slightly as he gripped the pitcher of water in his hand. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry." I apologized quietly, taking a seat on the stool, leaning the crutches on the island.

"What are you doing up?" He asked as he poured me a glass and handed it to me. I took it with a small smile and placed it in front of me. My finger rubbed the side of it and I just shook my head.

"I couldn't sleep." I admitted, but it was also the feeling like I was like an abandoned animal tat got tossed on the side of the road. I knew that it was out of their control and that it was for their safety, but I can't help but feel like there was more to the picture than what they were telling me.

"Did you maybe want to talk about it?" He sat on the stool next to mine and he tilted his head back as he took another sip.

"It is nothing really." I said as I forced the water down my throat.

"Well you can always come to me, if you want to talk about anything that is bothering you. I know the guys would not mind helping as well." he insisted and I was grateful that I was not left alone in Ateez's dorm.

"Have you ever felt like a piece of you is missing, but no matter what you do you can't fill that void?" I suddenly spat out and he just looked at me with pure empathy.

"All the time." He sighed, "You see, when I was a trainee, I was mostly alone. I mean yeah there were other trainees, but no one I really clicked with. Everyone kept telling me the same thing, like clockwork and I never really understood until I debuted with my kids. I got to the point of my training, where I kept feeling like I was never good enough and that I would never debut. So when I saw the offer to create my own group, I took it with full force." I just sat there and listened, not wanting to disturb his story.

His eyes were distant, as if he was transported back in time. "I had to leave my family behind in Australia. But once I found each of the members, I realized something."

"What was it?" I asked.

"When I was a trainee, I lost myself. Pieces of myself. When I was picking my members, yes they all had fantastic personalities and experiences. But I was drawn to each of them individually. When I left my family behind and all my friends, I found that sense of connection with Changbin. When I was missing home, I found it when I would hug Felix. When I would get overwhelmed with emotions and get into a dark head space, Han was there to give me a sense of hope. Hyunjin has inspired me in so many ways to become a better artist and a better leader. When I would be missing my little sister, Hannah, Suengmin would always annoy me like a younger brother would.

"I wasted my teenage years being a trainee, so finding Jeongin, I.N, it was like gaining my childhood back. And with Lee Know, it was different. Yes the others gave me my childhood, home, support and family back, but lee know actually gave me a reason to keep fighting and to not give up. When the others were not there, Lee Know would have that sixth sense and he would know that something was wrong. So he would come and find me, and stay with me to help guide me back to my reason why I started this whole group to begin with. Being with the kids, I finally found what it was like to be happy and alive again."

I sat there silently, not knowing what to say. I felt grateful that Chan confided in me to tell me his story. But he knew exactly what I felt. Like how he lost pieces of himself throughout the years of his training; I lost each piece that I did not know I had when Ateez got on that plane.

He glanced at the digital clock that was on the stove and he sighed. Yawning, he rubbed the side of his face and rested his elbow on the island, looking at me. "Do you want to watch a show with me?"

I was taken back by the question, something told me that I shouldn't, that I should just go back to the spare room and go to bed. But the other side out weighed the negative and I did not want to be alone tonight. I nodded and he helped me hop down from the stool. He smiled slightly as he held my arms in his hands as he helped me get my footing. As I grabbed my crutches, i leaned on them for support as the sudden tiredness washed over me.

Chan guided me to his room and I noticed it was the one that I woke up in. His blankets were all over the bed and it looked like he propped some pillows against the headrest. I hobbled over to the side and plopped down. He helped lift my casted foot and he got a pillow to prop it up. Without another word, he grabbed his remote from his nightstand and excitedly hopped around the other side of the bed. He pulled the covers over us and I seemed to keep my distance from him as I propped a pillow in between us.

As the show played, I noticed that my body was shivering from the sudden drop in temperature. He noticed and he slid the pillow out from in between us, causing my head to fall on the mattress below and his side messed up the top of my head. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me close to him. My head now rested on his chest, where I relaxed as it rose and fell with his chest. His heartbeat was beating softly in my ear and his hand gently rubbed my arm.

With the sad heartbreak scene playing on the television, I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I wished I was lying with Seonghwa. Being with Bang Chan in this situation, I really missed the bratty idol that I couldn't help but fall deeply in love with.