𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩

wonderwall

"BRIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGG" My alarm rings twice before I reach out my hand to hit it. 6:30 am, it's way too early.

Today feels different.

My body aches, but nothings wrong. It almost feels as if there's no reason to talk, emptiness. I can't be bothered to get up, there's no energy, no motivation.

That's because your worthless

Where did that come from?

I'm not worthless- I have friends, I have 7 loving brothers...

But they don't love you, your worthless and fat.

These days come once in a while, more often recently though. The days where I just want to lay down on my bed, not to sleep, just to stare at the ceiling.

But I can't do that, I need to go to school, I need to keep my facade up. I don't feel as if I have to always be strong in front  of my brothers, but I can't be too weak... it's tough living with older brothers I guess.

Your just weak, no wonder your brothers don't love you.

They do love me, that's not true is it?

I try my best to shake off the feeling before getting up out of bed, walking towards the bathroom.

I have a long, very hot shower, to the point it burnt, I then got changed into my uniform. Moving onto getting ready, I brush my hair and apply some concealer to hide my eye circles and blemishes. I put some mascara and lip gloss on too.

I then pick up everything I need and head downstairs, dragging my feet with tiredness in every step.

As I reach the bottom step, all 7 pairs of eyes turn to me, I look away, unable to maintain eye contact.

"Morning Bon, are you feeling any better?" Xander clears his throat and asks.

"Yeah - well I'm just a bit tired" I mumble, walking towards the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water.

"Do you want some toast bonnie?" Rafe says as he makes him self some breakfast"

"Uhhhh" I contemplate for a second.

No one likes a fat bitch.

I'm not fat. I'm not fat.

"I feel really sick, thankyou though" I smile at him.

"Okay, can you have some fruit for me though?" He says

"Sure, I'll have it when I get to school, I just rushed my teeth" I lie, hopefully he doesn't pick up on it.

"Are you ready for school? Evan asks as I sit down next to him at the table, everyone is occupied.

At the moment I feel as if everything's going on around me, but never actually happening to me. My life's not busy. Enough.

"Bonnie? You in there?" Evan snaps me out of my thought as he snaps his fingers in front of my eyes.

"Yes! Yes sorry" I say

"So?" He asks, slightly impatiently.

"What? Oh yeah I am ready for school" I dozily reply, staring into the distance, lost in a trail of thoughts.

"She's not with it .. what's wrong with her?" Evan whispers to the other boys, I don't bother to react to it. Not worth the hassle.

"I don't know, she seems...out of it" Nic replys.

Their conversation is a couple more minutes of them expressing their worries, I listen to it but don't actually register what they are saying.

"Right, you guys better go!" Elliot says as the twins stand up, pulling Theo up in the process.