𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩

drowning

Helloooo everyone !! I know I said I'd try to update regularly but I'm currently stuck in bed with covid😭😭 #slay anyways, I'm trying my best I promise 🫶🏼 enjoy reading and down below are the TWs :)

TW:  suicidal thoughts, binge eating, bulimia, mental breakdown, depression, self harm.

Alex's POV:

We need to give her some space, okay? We probably should go out for an hour or so to let her calm down." I reason with my brothers.

"She's probably on her period or some shit" Theo says, Rafe sends him a glare.

"She's probably just tired, why don't we go and meet some friends and give her some time" Evan suggests, the boys agree.

"Bonnie, we're going out to meet some friends, you clearly need some space and time to fix your attitude!" I shout upstairs, earning no reply.

I look over to Rafe and he nods before taking out a piece of paper and writing a short note to explain where we are going just incase she didn't hear.

Bonnies pov:

"Bonnie, we're going out to meet some friends you clearly need some space and time to fix your attitude" Alexander shouts upstairs, annoyance and anger lacing his voice.

Maybe I made a mistake, maybe I shouldnt of blown up like that, it's all my fault.

Kill yourself, they hate you so much now.

They hate me now. I've ruined everything that's good in my life, the one stable thing.

They never liked you.

What the fuck did I do that for? I'm so stupid.

I'm a stupid fat slut who messes everything up, I need to die. I deserve to fucking die.

All I do is ruin things, I make people
feel shit.

I killed my parents, it's all my fucking fault.

Everything is all my fault.

Suddenly I have this weird feeling, a feeling of pain ripping up my insides, tearing my heart in the process.

A loud sob escapes my mouth as I slide down the wall, I muffle it with my forearm.

Tears easily fall down my cheeks as I silently sob, whisper screaming into my arm.

I start to hit my leg, punch my stomach, venting anger out and onto myself.

"Stupid little..." I whisper, hitting myself. "-slut" I finish my sentence while hitting myself.

I interrupt myself, letting out even more quiet, broken cries.

Just then I hear the door slamming shut, that means my brothers have gone.

I run down the stairs and check out the window, to make sure and I see the car lights getting further away into the darkness.

I then fall to the floor, crying.

"I hate myself! I fucking hate myself." I sob loudly, hitting my head and I start to hyperventilate.

I'm breathing so quickly, I- I can't stop! My cries grow more desperate and louder, I stand up and start to pace around.

I start to go dizzy, no.. no not this again.

My hands begin to shake as I break down, completely losing it.

What do I do. I'm a fucking disappointment!

Another stupid and pathetic episode.

I should just kill myself.

I'm such a nuisance for my brothers.