𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩

panic attack

It's now feb half term, hallelujah!! I'm hopefully going to be able to update more regularly, I hope you enjoy this chapter 🫶🏼

TW: body issues, bulimia/ starving , talks of depression/mental health, panic attacks and self harm.

The bell rings for lunch and I walk out, heading down the stairs and through the hallway towards the doors leading to outside.

"Isn't that the Philips brothers sister?" A girl whispers not so subtly behind me, I try to ignore it but I want to know what they are saying.

"Really?! She's way too ugly and fat to be their sister, you have to be joking" a girl says, causing her friends to laugh.

FAT. The word burns into my mind like a permanent tattoo, I can't erase it. That's all I can think about. Even she said it I'm ugly and fat, and people can't believe I'm my brothers sister because of how I look.

Told you nobody likes you, your worthless and your appearance is disgusting, FAT. UGLY. Everybody knows it..

I turn my head to the side slightly, to try and listen.

"Oops! Looks like she heard, oh well at least she will be self aware, what a slut" the girls giggle.

Slut. My heart aches, before I block the pain away and barricade the walls, I'm not weak, I'm not pathetic.

The group of the girls walk past me, the lead one, pushes me, shoving me into the lockers, my shoulder hits the hard metal and pain shoots through it.

"Don't eavesdrop, you little slut, or next time I'll have to teach you a proper lesson, hm?" She sniggers scornfully.

I nod, emotionlessly.

"Oh my god, your even uglier up close!" One of the girls says, causing them to giggle even more.

God, what a bunch of self centred, narcissistic bitches.

"Honestly, your brothers must hate having you as a sister, I feel bad for them" the 'queen bee' Sarah looks me up and down before sashaying off, with her 'minions'.

Yeah your brothers hate you.

They hate me.

I feel a tear escape my eye and roll down my cheek, I quickly walk over to the nearest girls restroom.

God why am I crying?! I'm so pathetic, what the fuck is wrong with me?

I walk into the stall and pull out my compact mirror, taking some toilet roll and dabbing my watery eyes and applying some lip balm.

I practice my 'smile' a couple more times, making sure it looks believable and masks the dull and emptiness in my eyes.

I quickly shoot bonnie a message saying I was late because I was kept back in lesson and tell her to wait by the bench, deciding to take the long way around giving myself time to get back to my 'bubbly' self.

The Messages

B- hey, I'm being kept back in lesson bc I didn't understand it so the teachers explaining it sorry, I'll meet u at the bench as soon as possible😭

J- okayyyy, I'll go get lunch did you want me to get u anything?

B- no I'm alright I have a packed one but I'll eat my food while she explains it

J- Kay, see you soon ily!

B- love u too silly

I walk to our bench underneath the trees and sit down, looking around while picking at my nails, causing some of it to bleed, which was satisfying.