𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩

needing space

Another update! go me🫶🏼 hope you all enjoy, down below are the trigger warnings 🌟 also, I forgot to say but we got 4k reads!! Thankyou all so much, my 2nd family<3

TWS: bulimia, starving, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts.

Once we arrive home, I go straight up to my room, not bothering to talk or say hello to my brothers.

I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted of putting a fake smile on for most of the day.

I feel drained, soccer was okay, I didn't do well though.

I'm a shit player, and I'm pretty sure I'll get kicked off the team now they've realised how actually bad I am at playing.

I flop down on my bed, and lay there stomach and face down for a couple of minutes, closing my eyes and trying to block out any thoughts whatsoever.

There's a knock at my door, I don't even bother to get up and open it, so I just muffle a "come in"

"Hey Bon, you feeling okay? Your brothers said you were quiet on the way back from soccer, we're worried about you" Elliot pokes his head through the door.

I pull my face up off my bed and rest it on my hands, and pull out the loose strands of hair away from my face.

"I'm fine, just a bit tired, training was hard I guess" I said dryly, Elliot however still looked unconvinced.

He comes over and sits next to me on the bed and strokes the top of my head, I'm not a fucking dog.

"You know, if anything is ever bothering you, you can always talk to us, any one of us okay?" He says concerned, I huff.

He's saying that because you're always dramatic and he's fed up of you.

"There's nothing wrong with me, I'm just tired" I say, starting to get annoyed.

"I never said there was anything wrong with you, I just said if anything's bothering you at all, then just talk okay? There's no point bottling it all up because eventually you'll explode, hm?"

He thinks that you're wrong in the head, that too much is wrong with you and that you should just kill yourself.

"Yeah I guess"

"Look, high schools going to be exhausting, there's no denying that. And you do all of these hobbies, you're bound to be tired but you can't let it consume your life."

He doesn't care either way, you could fall asleep and never wake up and he wouldn't be bothered.

"Thankyou"

"No worries pumpkin" he ruffles my hair then places a gentle kiss on the crown of my head.

"I love you" he says before waking towards the door.

He doesn't mean it.

"Love you too" I reply and he leaves, I just flop my head back to my bed and lay there, lifelessly until I fall asleep.

"Dinners in 20 minutes Bonnie" Nic shouts up, waking me up.

And of course, you're going to eat it because your a fucking fat bitch.

I groan, pulling myself up from my bed.

Are you kidding me, I feel asleep?! when I could've been working out, burning calories.

Lazy.

I'm fucking useless, I'm always going to be a fat slut.

You should just kill your self.