Tall, Dark, and Anxious (An Adam Driver fanfic)

34:

I've gotten familiar with Adam's apartment. I no longer have to search for things. He's out filming right now, but I'm here, on his couch, watching Sailor Moon.

I'm starting to think it's a good thing that we're not together. He's an actor, he's going to have on screen romantic interests, and I don't know if my jealousy can handle that. Even though it's just acting, it's not real, it still gets to me. I've always had problems with jealousy and insecurity; I think it stems from the lack of attention I got when I was younger, and growing up looking the way I do. I've been working on it.

I still haven't slept in his bed since I've been here. Maybe I should just suck it up and do it. It's not that I don't want to be close to him, it's just that I'm scared that he's been playing me. I'm scared he just wants sex, and once he gets it, I'll be out. I love Sailor Moon, but it's hard to focus on the reruns I'm trying to watch, when I have so much on my mind.

You know what? Imma do it. I've never just wanted sex from him, but I deserve some fun. If that's the best I can get and can't get any genuine love out of it, then so be it. I just have to get over my negative thoughts.

I turn off the TV and give Moose goodbye pets. I decide to get all dressed up. I brush my hair, but leave it down. I put on black skinny jeans with a fake leather, low cut crop top. Underneath is a see through bra and lacy black underwear. I just put on some winged liner, mascara and red lipstick, and the look is done. I'm going to pick up some stuff so I can cook for him and decorate the apartment to be all nice and romantic for when he gets home. I call a taxi and I'm on my way. I got candles. As soon as I get home, I light the candles and begin cooking. I poured out the wine, now I just have to wait for him to get home. About an hour passes. I hear the doorknob turn and I stand up.

Adam comes through the door, looks around, and smiles at me.

"What's all this?" He asks.

"Surprise," I say, trying to sound confident.

"You look amazing."

I smile.

"Thank you."

He walks over and kisses my cheek.

"You smell so good," he says.

"Thank you, you do too. I made you dinner."

"Thank you, angel."

He pulls out my chair for me, then walks to his seat and sits down.

"This is really good," he says, taking his first bite.

I thank him, but my head isn't in the moment, it's far away, stressing over what's coming next and what could go wrong. Soft music plays in the background as we eat.

We have small talk and he holds my hand across the table. Things are going well, for now. After eating, I pull him to his living room. He chuckles.

I pull him against me and we start to slow dance. He smiles down at me.

"Remember the first time we slow danced?" I ask.

"Of course. It was a fun night until I freaked out in the bathroom," he jokes.

I laugh, lifting his arm to spin myself around. I sway gently, my back against him.

"You seemed to be having a good time though," I mention.

"I always have a good time with you."

I smile as we sway softly in silence for a moment.

He finally breaks his silence.

"The way we danced that night was a lot different than how we're dancing right now though," he says, laughing.

I smile and tilt my head back, looking up at him.

"Would you like me to dance like that again?"

He smiles softly.

"Doesn't matter, as long as you're in my arms, I'm happy."

I turn to face him and he looks down at me, scanning my face. I smile as I brush a piece of hair behind his ear. I notice his eyes move from mine and down to my lips. I take my chance.

I kiss him softly, wrapping my arms around his neck and pushing my body against his. He wraps his arms around my waist. I gently bite on his bottom lip. His breath hitches slightly and he flicks his tongue over my lips.

I let him in, swirling our tongues together. He groans slightly into my mouth. I tangle my hands in his hair. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. He starts heading toward his room.

This is it. I better enjoy it while it lasts, he'll probably want me out tomorrow morning. He lays me gently on the bed, spreading my legs and getting between them. Hovering over me, he says,

"You didn't need to get all dressed up, you drive me crazy without all that."

"What makes you think it's all for you?" I ask.

"I know you hate makeup, Hailey."

I smile sheepishly.

"Yeah..."

He kisses my cheek, down my neck and to my chest.

"You're so beautiful," he whispers in my ear.

I blush. He slowly takes off my top. I can feel myself trembling and it's making me mad. What's wrong with me? I want this, but I feel a panic attack coming. I try to ignore it and force my body to calm down. His hands roam my body before starting to pull down my bra straps. He suddenly stops.

He looks up at me, seemingly worried.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No, it's okay," I say, but my voice is shaky.

He gets off of me and sits next to me.

"I'm sorry if I did something wrong."

"You didn't, it's okay. We can keep going," I say, reaching for him.

I can feel tears coming, this is so embarrassing. He grabs my hands and kisses the top of one of them.

"No, Hailey. You're shaking and crying, you're obviously uncomfortable. I don't want to do anything you're not okay with."

The tears start to flow.

"I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay, angel," he says softly.

He stands up and smiles at me.

"How about I go blow out all those candles, you get dressed and ready for bed, and we'll turn everything off?"

I nod. I put on pajamas and sit, waiting for him to come back. I feel so defeated and embarrassed. I've never been one for casual sex, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"I'm so sorry, Adam..." I say when he comes back in.

"It's okay. Why didn't you say something?"

"I wanted you to be happy. I thought sex was what you wanted," I say.

"Hailey, I would have loved to, but that's not the only thing I want from you. I love spending time with you, YOU make me happy. Okay?"

"Okay..."

He kisses my forehead.

"Good night, Hailey," he says.

I start to walk out of his room, then stop in my tracks.

"Adam?"

"Yeah?" he responds.

"Can I still sleep in here with you?"

He smiles gently.

"Of course, angel."

I climb into his bed and he pulls me against him. I feel so at peace in his arms. I let the comfort of his soft bed take me over.