Still You

Chapter 36

Joohyun's POV
"Why didn't you tell me?" I was lying in my hospital bed when Seulgi asked me that after our parents and Suzy left.

He walked towards me and lay sideways beside me. He placed his left elbow on the bed and put his left temple in his fist.

I turned to him and frowned, "Didn't tell you what?"

"About what happened to your family after we graduated from high school."

I looked at him with a surprised face. "Who told you that?"

"Your sister, Suzy. We talked while you were sleeping earlier."

"That kid. She's very talkative." I mumbled.

"Don't you want me to know that?"

I shook my head, "It's not like that. I have planned to tell you that, but she ruined my plan." I grimaced.

He chuckled, "Oh. That's why she told me earlier that she said it right before you did."

"She told you that?" He nodded. "That crazy kid."

"So, why didn't you tell me that time that you were facing such a problem?"

"I'm ashamed to tell you what my dad did, even if it wasn't intentional," I sighed. "And you know what, I knew that news when I got home the night we were officially dating. I don't know how I will feel at that time. If it will be the best night or worst night of my life."

"Your sister also told me you were scared to feel what your mom felt that time."

I nodded, "That's true. Even my mom gave my dad another chance, I always saw her crying in our yard while drinking every night. So I'm always there to accompany her. I told her before to break up with my dad already, but she said she couldn't because she wanted to have us a complete family, and she also loves my dad. So when I found out that you also did what dad did before, I didn't think twice and broke up with you. I don't want to give you another chance because I don't want to be a martyr like my mom. That's what I thought."

He nodded understandingly, "I understand now why you were busy even though we were on vacation before. I'm sorry I was insensitive at that time. You are scared I might do the same thing your dad did, but unfortunately, I did it too."

I shook my head, "Don't be sorry. It's also my fault because I didn't tell you why I didn't want you to go to the reunion party back then."

"Still, I'm sorry." He pouted and changed his expression as he thought about something. "I have a question, Hyun."

"Spill it."

"What if. It's only a what if, okay?" I nodded. "What if I have a child with that woman? What will you do?"

I was dumbfounded at what he asked. I lay on my back and looked at the ceiling. He also did the same thing.

"I don't know. Maybe I'll break up with you again?" I uncertainly answered.

I saw in my peripheral vision that he looked at me, "What?! Why?!"

I glanced at him, and he looked at me in disbelief. "It's because I want your child to have a complete family."

"But my child will just suffer because of that."

"Why do you think so?" I glanced at him again, who was now looking at the ceiling.

"My child will have a complete family, but not a happy family. I don't think I will love someone else other than you."

I smiled at what he said, "Always a sweet talker, huh."

"I'm not. I'm just saying what's on my mind." We were both silent after a minute before he spoke again. "Hyun, can you not leave me when that happens?"

I frowned, "Why do you think that might happen?"

"I just remembered what happened to your family. You almost have a step-sibling, right?" He glanced at me.

I nodded, "What would you do if you had a child with that woman?" I didn't know it would hurt even if I just imagined it.

"I will do what your dad was planning to do before. I will only give what my child needs and make time to be with my child if there is a chance."

"What if your child asks you to marry her or his mother?"

"Then, I will tell my child that I can't do that because you are the only one I want to be with for the rest of my life."

"Your child will be hurt."

"Truth hurts, love." He looked at me. "Come here. I want to cuddle with you."

He spread his left arm when I got close to him. I made it as a pillow and hugged him. He hugged me back and rested his chin on my top head.

"I'm curious," I said.

"Of?"

"Of what happened to you after the car accident years ago. You did reckless driving. Did you go to jail?"

"Oh, that? I didn't because dad pulled some strings. He has a police friend that is in a higher position."

"Really?" He just hummed in response. "But you know what, your idiot. Why did you drive even though you were drunk? Didn't you think you could die?"

He chuckled, "At that time, I really didn't care about my life anymore because it became lifeless when you left me. I didn't eat or drink for several days. Then I decided to go to the bar to forget you even for a moment."

I feel guilty about what he said. I also researched systematized dissociative amnesia the day after he told me the findings of his doctor about him. And one of the causes of this is extreme stress. So it means his life was really ruined because of our breakup.

"I'm sorry. It's my fault that you had an accident then and now. If only I had given you a chance, and if only I had let you drive me home with your car, the accident wouldn't have happened."

"Everything happens for a reason, love. If you didn't break up with me, maybe you are worried about the various scenarios running through your mind until now, and you won't be at peace in our relationship. Also, if you let me drive you home with my car, something might happen to you when you get your car the next day. I won't forgive myself if that happened because I didn't protect you that time."

"You have a point there."

After that, we talked about what happened in our lives after our breakup and asked each other questions when we thought of something. We talked until 3 am before we decided to go to sleep. Seulgi goes to his hospital bed, saying he doesn't want to disappoint my parents when they come here this morning and see us sleeping together.