Last night I was jawing with a fan and he shouted that I was crazy. I retorted by grabbing my crotch and saying that his momma was crazy about this pussy. He literally ran out of the building.
Later backstage the promoter said he was fining me 100 dollars. I fake-laughed because thought he was kidding and if you don't pretend to laugh at this people think you're crazy. He was not kidding. I asked if he was saying he wasn't going to pay me. He explained that he was going to pay me because "I'm a man of my word". But then after he paid me, I had to pay him a fine of 100 dollars.
There isn't a lot that really legitimately makes me laugh. This was one of those things. I laughed and laughed I did.
He asked me what I was laughing about and I explained to him that in order to fine someone you need to have some kind of authority over them. The NFL can fine NFL players because they work for the NFL. It's pretty simple.
You can't just walk around handing out fines randomly. If you did fine someone on the street and they actually paid you the money, that's fraud. It's some kind of crime anyway, I'm not a lawyer. He got so mad I thought steam was going to come out of his nose like in a cartoon. He said that he did have authority over me because he was the one running the show.
I told him if he wanted to fine me 100 bucks for making a fan cry, I was going to fine him a thousand dollars for wearing a stupid shirt with a snake on it. He said that if I was a man, he'd kick my ass. I said that if he was a man, I'd take him out back and have sloppy sweaty sex with him. He tried to stab me in the knee with a pen. Which is a solid rebuttal.
I don't think I'll be working for Morgan Kingwood anymore. I should keep track of all the places I'm blackballed from working. I keep saying that I need merch. Listing all the places I've been banned from could make for a cool shirt. The notorious Amazing Grace, banned in 17 territories!
And counting.
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