The Shine

Yipee-ki-yay

I usually conduct my business in the car. I don't need people hearing my conversations. I know they wouldn't really care but I like to keep my shit undercover. Some people have no problem spewing their business out in front of everyone in the locker room. Last night I heard a guy on the phone asking his doctor "is it cancer?"

The way he said it was chilling. It wasn't the tone of someone fearless. Nor was it the tone of a macho man being macho. The only way I can explain it is this. I've never been in combat. It seems pretty unlikely that I ever will be. I think his voice asking about cancer is what a rifleman sounds like after they'd been told they're going into heavy shit. They know it's about to get bad but there's no other options. That's what's happening and there's no way round it.

Get ready to fight.

I've been dreaming about the guy with the denim vest lately. He scurried away with all the other cockroaches so I didn't hurt him too bad. Not for lack of trying. And probably he's just a mouthy asshole. I don't know that he had anything to do with what was going on there.

In the old days one time I hit a guy in the head with a brick and robbed him. I don't want to get into the details, but I felt like he deserved it. There's a part of me that says if someone is doing bad things, it's okay to hurt them. They have it coming.

How do I get rid of that voice? I poked around online but all of that stuff is about anger management. What if you're not angry when you want to hurt people? Where's the guidance for that? I can't be the only person like this right?

Someone left a comments the other day that I need to have more fun. They said that humans go crazy if you don't let loose every once in a while. Since I've been in Texas lately, I bought a cowboy hat for 8 bucks. I've been wearing that lately.

It's a little fun.

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