CREDIT | vmin

🔞30⚠️

Triggered warning.....

Jimin's POV :

Have you ever felt like dying inside or you just want to go with the flow helplessly?

The wounds are so deep that you don't feel anything anymore, you're just drowning and then gradually you feel numb.

That you will slowly become addicted to the bitterness and pain and it will gradually become part of your need. That you want to burn with the stupid feeling of pain and go crazy with the bitter youth life.

While I was lying on the bed looking at the ceiling I couldn't stop my tears from falling as the air in my lungs gradually tightened.

I put my arm over my forehead and cried a lot. It feels very bitter but I'm not ready to show everyone that I'm weak that my wall of courage is being destroyed by trials.

"I didn't choose to be like this, I didn't choose to be a rebellious child, even I didn't choose to be slut. I didn't choose to end up with a parent who doesn't care about their child, I didn't choose everything in my life!! I didn't choose to be me, I hated myself" I whispered hoarsely, lamenting how low the parents of those I fought with would judge me.

I didn't even notice how long I cried and how long I fell asleep with the weight of my heartache. I fell asleep with a heavy heart and wanted to do something to ease the pain.

Something worse than pain and bitterness.

I also didn't notice when Taehyung entered my room, the person who would help me to reduce the pain.  As soon as I felt someone caressing my cheek I opened my eyes and words just came out of my mouth.

"Kiss me, please. Fuck me until I can't walk the next day or for a whole week, until I can't feel the pain anymore. Claim me please--" I cried and begged and I immediately pulled him and whispered in his ear "Fuck me, destroy me please help me numb the pain!!" then I cried as I buried my face in his neck.

It was said out of nowhere that maybe I really am no longer myself. I'm suffocating with hatred, I need something to breathe and let my anger out of the world and that is 'SEX'.

All kinds of scenarios are floating in the cloud of my thought, it's like a demon is whispering in my ear. I want to hurt him and I want him to hurt me too, I feel intense chills in my veins.

Until I felt the passionate kiss that touched my lips but gradually the movement became careful and gentle. I feel like I've smoked a drug and I'm slowly floating in the air with a feeling of incomparably.

But I'm not satisfied as if something is missing, anger rises in my heart that I don't understand. I feel his tongue slowly enter my mouth I open my mouth to receive the wine that will help me forget everything for a while.

I don't understand, instead of being aroused, I get angrier and more irritable. I want to destroy myself. I don't want to have good sex but instead rough, merciless fucking.

I want him to hurt me, make me feel like I'm trash, that I'm a loser. I wrapped my arms around his neck very tightly. With every search of his tongue inside my mouth I moan, I tug at his locks every time I feel the air in my lungs run out.

But I'm not satisfied my body couldn't help but twitch desperately, wanting to feel something intense. Might say that I'm horny because I'm trying to rub my cloth crotch on his thighs by swaying my hips up.

"Hurt me, wreck me, choke me. I BEG YOU!!!" I whispered seductively in his ear

"Fuck! You're so horny, so lewd!"