The Beacon [h.s]

55

Nyla West

A sunrise was just what I needed.

The potent smell of Harry's cigarette assaults my nostrils each time I take a new breath, but I don't even mind it. In fact, I find myself breathing in deeper at the familiarity of his scent I haven't smelled in a while.

I had forgotten how long it's been since I've been to the penthouse while I've been staying at Zayn's. After this whole kidnapping thing...being here is comforting. It makes me feel safe after something so traumatic.

The cool wind breezes through my body, sending a chill down my spine even with Harry's hoodie he just gave me. I cover my head with the hood since my hair is still damp. But the cold doesn't bother me, my eyes simply focus on the sun in front of me. I've missed the view from up here.

I spent over an hour in the shower after Niall dropped us off. I kept disassociating, staring into the wall as the water cascaded down my back, thinking about the way Cole's hands were on me and all the things he said. How much it brought me back to that night in high school, and the way his body weight pressed onto me until I couldn't breathe, and the fact that he's now...dead.

"Are you okay?" Harry breaks my thoughts from spiraling. I see him look at me from the corner of my eye.

His question is simple yet I know he's asking it to get me to talk about what happened. I force my thoughts to go away and answer him with my eyes still trained ahead of me. "Yeah."

He turns his head to the front again, but not before reminding me, "Lying is bad, Ny."

The phrase has been tossed between the both of us for some time now. I still remember the first time I said it to him. It makes my head turn away from the view and onto the more complicated one next to me. I study his side profile for a moment, feeling my stomach do that thing where it feels like I'm going down a rollercoaster, except I'm stationary.

I don't respond to what he's said and instead I decide to hit him with the same question. "Are you okay?"

He takes a long moment to answer me, finishing off his cigarette and tossing it off the balcony while we both watch it hit the ground ten stories below us.

He answers me with an honest, "No."

My brows furrow. "No?" I say, even though I know none of it was okay, it shocked me that Harry actually answered honestly.

He leans back on his hands placed behind him, tilting his head to face me. "I told you, lying is bad."

I blink a couple times before narrowing my eyes. "I taught you that."

Sighing and looking up at the sky, he replies, "I believe the saying is 'practice what you preach,' but I'm not quite sure." Harry mimics confusion.

It's enough to make me smile at him and look down, shaking my head at his wit. But the second I look back up at him, he's already looking at me. My smile fades as we simply stare at each other. Harry's face slowly becomes saddened...and then filled with guilt.

"I'm sorry." He whispers out of nowhere.

My lips part, and I look away once I couldn't handle the intensity of his eyes anymore. I breathe out a dry laugh and slowly shake my head with my eyes on the sunrise. "You've been saying that a lot recently, huh?" I say, not wanting to start an argument, but to just acknowledge it. Harry is silent for a while, he starts to speak but stops when I turn to look at him again. "I'm not blaming you for this, Harry. I know you didn't do anything wrong. You couldn't have done anything to stop it." I mumble honestly.

Harry's eyebrows furrow while he shakes his head and leans up again, facing me. "No, but I did. And you're completely right." He sighs. "The last time I remember apologizing this much over a short amount of time was when I was a fucking child. I just...keep messing up with you, and I am sorry." He intently stares at me, making sure I know he means it. "I never apologize if I don't actually mean it, Ny. I mean it more than you think."