Piece by Piece

Chapter 23

Aliena

I'm still crying. I haven't stopped crying since Sebastian locked himself in the bathroom with that girl and left me standing in the hallway like nothing more significant than a stray dog.

At first, I contemplated knocking on the door and demanding he got the fuck back out here so we could- I don't know- talk this out? To do anything other than have him sleep with that woman. Especially after he dropped that little bomb about not having been with anyone since he met me.

That has to be a lie though, right? He picked up girls every other night and eventually disappeared with them. There's no way he didn't sleep with any of them.

In the end, I realized banging on the door would leave me in the exact same position he was in two weeks ago and thereby put me exactly where he wanted me. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I also didn't want to humiliate myself even further. All I really wanted to do at that point was go home and curl up in a ball in my comfortable bed, wearing some fuzzy clothes.

So I snuck out of the club and walked home to do exactly that. I learned my lesson from the last time, though, so I only walked along the main roads and kept my pepper spray in my hand. It was still early enough for a Saturday night, after all, so there were other people out and about.

Other than getting catcalled by a group of drunk men outside a bar in the less extravagant part of the city, I got home safely and untouched. I made quick work of taking off my makeup and changing.

Now I'm here, crying into my fucking pillow as I hold tightly against my chest. On my birthday. Like a fucking idiot.

It's a shame. No matter how hard Lily- or the rest of my friends try, my birthday curse just seems to stick with me. Something always has to go wrong and I'm particularly sensitive because I already got my hopes up that one year, it would be different.

I'm a moron and I feel like a bitch for ditching my friends without having said goodbye. I just didn't want to face them in the condition I was in. They would have asked too many questions and I didn't feel like talking.

So I texted Lily that I was home and apologized about how I left. I also thanked her another million times and insisted on what a great friend was. Because she really is.

Knowing that she'd want a better explanation for my sudden departure than that, I turned off my phone before she could reply. It's better this way. I'm done with the day.

-

I wake up with a headache and swollen eyes not long after noon. I hate sleeping in, but despite that, all I want to do as soon as I open my eyes is close them again. Instead, I force myself to turn on my phone and face a million texts my friend sent me, scared that she might come over and bang down my door if I didn't reply soon.

The last thing I want is company. I've always been this way and luckily, I know Lily will respect that. To a certain point. She won't accept being ghosted, though.

I start scrolling through the messages on my way to the kitchen to get some juice, surprised that I have a few from Mattheo and even some from Andrew. My heart feels a little lighter at their concern but at the same time, it has pressure building inside me. Now I have more people to reply to and appease.

I look up from my screen to search my fridge for the juice I was so sure I bought recently. To my dismay, it's nowhere to be found. For fuck's sake, this isn't what I needed now.

Well, coffee it is, then. As that's getting done, I lean against my counter and sigh heavily. God, I feel like shit, and it doesn't get much better when my eyes fall on the letter my parents sent me. Without thinking much about it, I push myself away from the kitchen and pick up the letter from my table. I already feel bad, how much worse can it get, right?

When I open the folded paper, I'm glad to see that the message isn't too long.

Dear Aly

First things first, happy birthday, dear. I hope I did everything correctly and this letter reached you on the right day. If not, let's just pretend it did;) I hope you have a great day! Maybe you can tell us all about what Lily planned for you this year when you come to visit us soon? Your father and I miss you greatly.

I'm afraid I don't have much good news for you, my dear, and I hate to tell you this on your birthday, but you have the right to know. Your father had a heart attack and had to take leave from work. He is recovering, don't worry, but I'm sure he'd be very happy to see you. Feel free to swing by whenever you're free, dear, we know you're busy.

Love, mom

By the time I finish reading, my heart is a cold rock in my chest and the tears I managed to hold back so bravely when I realized I didn't have any juice are now an unstoppable force behind my eyes. I sigh, my whole body deflating before I drop my head in my hands and just start sobbing.

My dad's sick and had to take leave from work. Shit, they can't afford that. I already know what that means, why my mother texted me now. She came to the same conclusion and wants my help.

Panic seizes my chest and I take a choppy breath. I can't believe this is happening again. I don't want to do this. I can't take care of them again when I'm barely staying afloat myself. I don't have the recourses or the emotional capacity for this.

I rub my knuckles over my chest, feeling the space inside it tightening and tightening until my lungs barely feel able to expand enough for my next breath. I cry harder despite my best efforts to pull myself together. It seems I'm too tired to get myself back on track right now.

I wish Lily was here. She always knows what to do and she's the only one that could understand what I'm feeling right now. She knows about my past, almost every feeling and situation little me had to go through.

But if I told her about this, I know what she'd say. She'd say I needn't worry about it because she can support me and my family until they get back on track. She'd do whatever it took without hesitation because that's the kind of person she is.

But I can't let her do that. No way. Least of all before I had a talk with my parents and got a better idea of the situation they're in. I don't think I could ever look Lily in the eyes again if I let her do this for me, on top of everything she's already done.

No, I got this. Of course, I do. I just need to survive this moment, take deep breaths, and then figure out a game plan. I have things under control. It'll be okay. I'll be okay.

But first, it seems I have to pay my parents a visit.

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You know what they say about beating a person that's already down...

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