The European Enigma (LSD, #9)

10. The Czech Czarina

The Czech Czarina

"The Duke of Ellington is here to visit you, Your Highness. Does he have your permission to enter?", the major-domo asked.

"Oh, that boar again... He only comes here to make a profit. Well, without visitors, it's going to be a long day too, so let him in and we'll see what he wants.", the Czarina answered.

The double doors opened, and the Duke entered, immediately filling the room with his restless energy: "My dearest Czarina Carolina. How are you? This morning, I have such an interesting business deal for you... I've laid my hands on all the rabbit holes in the Sahara. You can buy them from me for a really good price."

The Czarina flashed a faint smile, stood up from her throne, embraced her visitor, gave him two warm kisses on the cheeks, and said: "Sir Duke. How nice to see you! How's the Duchess? Do you want tea or coffee?"

That put him in his place; formalities were there to follow up. Those men with their businesses... They just don't know how to behave anymore.

"Tea, please. You look lovely today, dear. It seems you're getting younger every time I see you."

The Czarina served the tea and sat back on her throne: "Now, about those rabbit holes... I'm a little short on cash because I recently bought all the rabbit holes in the Kalahari Desert, so perhaps we can make a deal?"

"The Kalahari Desert? That's an awful lot of rabbit holes. Do you have any problems with cashing the rent there?"

"The normal rent is three carrots a day, which is a decent reward for the investment. No unfinished work in maintenance, no bad debtors."

"It seems we have a deal. Thanks for the tea, Your Highness, but now I really have to go. Time is money, as you know."

At the moment the Duke left, the major-domo entered the room to announce another visitor: "Your Highness. Count Basie is here to meet you, if it's convenient."

"It's convenient. Let him in. Hello, my dear Count. How are you today? How's your wife?"

The Count made a formal bow and kissed the Czarina's hand: "The wife is fine, Your Highness. She sends her best regards and hopes to see you tomorrow at the funeral of Count Onme."

"Oh, yes, Count Onme has passed away. Too sad. Do you want tea or coffee? Oh, how thoughtless of me. You want tea, of course. What urgent business brings you here?"

Count Basie handed Czarina Carolina a sealed envelope and sat down with his tea: "Politics. What else? The world leaders want to discuss some points with you. They hoped you can do something about it."

Czarina Carolina opened the envelope and took out a piece of white carton, seeded with dots like stars on a cloudless summer night: "I see. These are quite a lot of points. This requires some work, as you will understand."

She gave a signal to the major-domo who disappeared and re-entered with a bottle of black ink and a pen. The Czarina dipped the pen in the ink and changed every dot on the paper into a comma. When she finished, she let the ink dry and returned the card to the Count: "Here you are, this will keep things going on, without further interruption, don't you think, my dear Count?"

"Certainly, Your Highness. On behalf of the world leaders, I thank you for solving all this so efficiently."

"Politics is pointless. We need a woman like me who comma-nds."

When the Count left, the next visitor was announced: "The King is waiting to see you, Your Highness."

"King who of what?"