You are my home

Wednesday July 18, 2007

Valerie

We are already in the last days of the school year. Today is sports day, or well sort of. We are at a pond with a nice beach. Around it is a small forest area. Tomorrow is the school party and then the year is really over.

I sit in the shade against a tree. I have a perfect view of the beach. Where different sports can be done. I get a smile on my face when Melissa walks towards me. In recent weeks, the contact between us has been a bit less. We almost only speak on Friday evenings, but even then she is much quieter than usual. Actually since she's been sick. I have an idea why that is or maybe I hope too hard that my feeling is right. "You don't want to say you're tired already?". Melissa sighs and sits down next to me. "Look who's saying it. You've been here all day." I give her a smile. "I'm getting tired just looking at it." Melissa shakes her head with a smile. "Have you had everything yet?". I ask as she lays her head against my shoulder. " I believe so. I just haven't been on the water yet." She moves her head away from me and looks at me a bit unsure. "Do you want to go with me?" I nod with a smile on my face. "I just think it would be better if Emma came along too". I would prefer to go alone with Melissa. I've missed her lately. But I don't know how others will react if I go alone with her. Melissa nods in understanding and stands up. "She is already waiting for me. So are you coming?" With a smile I take her outstretched hand to get up.

When Emma sees us coming she gets a big smile on her face. "I was afraid that you were trying to get out of it. But you brought help." Melissa doesn't respond to it. She gets into the boat without saying anything. "I don't know who you see as help, but I really wasn't planning on doing anything today". I say as I step into the boat with a smile. "In any case, you ensure that the mood of a certain person will probably get a lot better again". I look questioningly at Emma. Which not much later is splashed wet by Melissa. "I'm sorry, I think I said too much."

We paddle silently to the middle of the water. Emma is sitting across from me. Melissa sits between us, her back to me. "Mel, are you going to have fun today?". I hear Melissa sigh when Emma says that. "Just leave me. I'm tired". Emma shakes her head. I carefully slide forward before Emma can say anything. I don't feel like arguing between the two right now. I wrap my arms around Melissa's waist. "We still have half an hour. That gives you some time to sleep." I whisper in her ear. She doesn't say anything, but lets her body lean in to me more. I also let myself lean back a little further. I look up at Emma, who now also has a smile on her face. "Would you like to keep an eye behind me just to be sure?". She nods in understanding. "There is no one else on the water, but will keep an eye on it". Everyone at school knows I'm friends with Emma and Melissa, but I don't think it's very wise for them to see how I'm with Melissa right now. Melissa puts her arms over mine. She has closed her eyes and her breathing is getting slower and slower. I already know it won't be long before she falls asleep.

Melissa has been sleeping in my arms for a while now. Emma is mainly busy on her phone. And I enjoy the peace and Melissa in my arms, which unfortunately I now have to wake up again. "Lis wake up. We have to go back". It takes me a while to wake her up. "Is that really necessary?" I hear her say with a sigh. "You have been sleeping for more than half an hour". Finally she opens her eyes. "Can I talk to you for a second? In private.". she whispers. I give her a nod. She breaks free from my arms and settles down. In silence we go back. "I'm going to sit by the tree again. You can find me there when this is over." I say to Melissa as soon as we're back. She gives me a small nod and then walks away. Emma also wants to walk away but I can just stop her by her arm. "What's wrong with Melissa?". She sighs. "I don't know. She's been quite withdrawn lately. She is often like this when she is too busy in her head. Give her time. She'll come around again." I sigh. " I hope so". Emma looks at me with a smile. " Really Val. You don't have to worry. Mel often withdraws into herself. She needs some time for herself. The fact that she picked you up today to go out on the water is already a good sign". I walk with Emma to the rest. " You've got a point. She wanted to talk to me in private, so maybe she wants to tell me a bit more. But you really need to join the rest now. I talk to you later". Emma walks to the place where everyone should gather and I walk back to the tree.

I've been sitting with my eyes closed against the tree for at least half an hour. To enjoy the peace and the weather when I notice that someone is sitting next to me. I open my eyes and look at Melissa with a small smile. "Hey". She also gives me a little smile. "Hey". It then falls silent. I look around and I only now notice that there is no one else there. I look back at Melissa, who is picking the grass. "Why did you want to speak to me?". She shrugs. "Lis, what is wrong with you?". I put an arm around her when she doesn't say anything. She snuggles right up against me. "I have a lot on my mind". she says softly. " Do you want to talk about it?". She shakes her head. "Are you going to the school party tomorrow?". And again she shakes her head. That doesn't really surprise me. "And I would have saved a dance for you". She pulls away from me and looks at me. I see a small smile on her face, which is also quickly gone. She sighs. "I-I'm going on vacation soon". I look at her in surprise. " Where are you going?". She shrugs and snuggles close to me again. "I'll take my tent and go cross the country a bit". I'm not quite sure what I'm hearing. " On your own?". I feel her nod. "I need to get away from here for a while and sort things out. I also tell you in advance that I will not bring my phone ". she says softly. I hold her tighter and kiss her on the head. I've never seen her like this before and I'm worried. "You're not going to do crazy things, are you?" She shakes her head and looks back at me. "I just need some rest and time for myself. I need to figure out some things. Emma goes to her sister's for the whole holiday. You have already said that you will be busy all holiday and will have little time. I can't be here with nothing to distract me. Then I get too much in my head. So I'm going to discover new places. It's been a long time since I've been on vacation." I give her a small smile. "Okay if you put it that way I'm a bit more confident, but please take your phone with you. Even if it's just in case of an emergency." She nods and snuggles back against me.

"I will miss you". she says softly after a few minutes. I kiss her on the head. "I will miss you too. Another advantage of taking your phone with you is that you can take pictures. I want to see a lot of that when you get back." She pulls away from me and smiles at me. "That is indeed good. I'll show you the beautiful places I've seen. Unfortunately I have to leave now". she says when she stands up. I follow her example and pull her into a hug again. " Enjoy your holiday and please take care. Call me if there's anything. I may be busy, but I always make time for you". We hold each other for a while, until Melissa breaks free from my arms. "I'll see you in a few weeks." she says quickly and walks away. I'd rather follow her. I saw the tears in her eyes, but I think it's better to let her go now. I just hope the holiday goes by quickly and that she gets through that time well. Fortunately, I'm busy enough to take my mind off things a bit.